Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM. As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships. I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me. I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on. As always, thank you for reading!
~nora
Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 10
So, the question today is, what’s your safeword? If you don’t want to have one, why not?
Daddy and I do not have a safe word. We made this decision together at the start of our D/s relationship five months ago as we both felt that it was important for Daddy to have the ultimate control over my body. If we had a safe word, I would have control over my own discipline, have the ability to make it stop when I wanted to, and this was not appealing to either of us. Having spent 14 years together, I fully trust Daddy with my life, with everything…and especially with my discipline.
Daddy doles out pretty harsh spankings when I earn them. There are many times during a spanking when I am crying out “please no” or “please stop Daddy” because in the moment, I cannot imagine taking any more. However, I am always able to take his spankings, even when I am pushed passed my pain threshold and cry real tears. It is not uncommon for me to have a sore bottom for several days after as my bottom is bruised from the paddle or cane. In our marriage, this is the sign of an effective spanking and I am far less likely to displease Daddy in whichever way earned me the spanking in the first place. That’s just what works for us. If I were able to use a safe word, and stop my own discipline, Daddy would never be able to get me to “that place”. I’ve heard other submissives refer to it as “sub space”. For me, it is the place where I truly learn that my poor behavior was unacceptable and that Daddy is going to make me change. And…though extremely painful… I love being in that place. Thanks to Daddy’s discipline, I am becoming a much better person and a much better wife.
Daddy and I had a great conversation about hard and soft limits last night (the discussion prompt for Day #9). It was comforting that we are, as always, on the same page. I am far more adventurous sexually than he is, but he is willing to try some of the activities we learned about from Loving BDSM’s kink checklist (gosh, we are so vanilla in some ways!). He told me that he would buy a special collar for me that he will put on me in the evenings sometimes, to give me a physical reminder of who I belong to. I know that I am incredibly lucky to have a Daddy that I can trust, who has my best interests at heart, and who values and protects our marriage.
Thank you for being you Daddy! I love you, yesterday, today, and always.
Your little girl,
nora
Finding Strength in my Submission 
Just a suggestion of course but you might reconsider safe words especially if you get further into experimenting with ‘play’. My Sir loves to take me to the place of yelping and squirming and begging for mercy and I find it very liberating to shed all the strength I normally carry and let go BUT we do use safe words in order for Him to know when I actually do need assistance, when it’s no longer safe to continue be it physical or emotional in nature.
I wouldn’t use a safe word for punishments, not that I get many really but I don’t think I could bring myself to under those circumstances for much of the same reasons you state, but for play … we find it gives Sir the certainty that He isn’t causing me any harm and thus allows Him the freedom to push me further as well.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, nijntje! I will definitely consider that. We typically just have vanilla sex, with the occasional use of an anal plug or something similar. The only real pain my Daddy causes me is during my punishments.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’re not describing subspace, nora, maybe your own punished head space, but definitely not subspace as defined by scene play or the BDSM lifestyle. While I think that safe words are important in play—and are mandatory in certain circumstances, in day-to-day life and punishments, you need to be able to communicate actual distress. A word or phrase that means you are having an emergency would be wise to create. Even in strict punishment, some couples use yellow as a means to slow, not end the discipline. It’s not about you topping from the bottom, it’s simply providing the ultimate layer of protection.
http://www.satinandlace.seekers.org.uk/subspace.htm
LikeLiked by 3 people
I can’t say I’m into the lifestyle enough to have a valid opinion perhaps in the view of other, but I agree that an emergency word is a must. Personally I place that under responsibility for one’s mental health and physical well being. No matter how well you know someone you don’t know what’s inside their head – not even your DOM/Sir/Daddy does …
I’m glad you brought this up, I agree but didn’t want to walk into things I really know nothing about. I don’t think I could bring myself to safe word a punishment but the last time I was punished was almost 2 years ago, most importantly however if I did use my safe word I know it would stop, safety first!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, nijntje 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, LS! I really appreciate hearing your thoughts and thank you for the information about sub space…I was wondering what that was 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
I don’t have a safe word either. Perhaps at times we should have one but my Queen always is cautious and takes great care. Maybe someday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My Daddy is careful too…if I was having an emergency, he would know it😊
LikeLiked by 2 people