Hello all! I am writing this blog to share the wonderful experiences my husband and I have been having on this new journey of revamping our marriage. Before I describe more about what we are doing, let me provide an introduction as to how we got where we are. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and as we all know, marriage, while super rewarding, is also an incredibly challenging commitment. Dealing with the mundane day-to-day, experiencing the tragedy of death and loss together, and even dealing with the idea of separation made us realize that we needed a change. As difficult as it was to face, we were both unhappy with our marriage. However, we both still felt fully committed to our marriage and making it work which worked in our favor.
We tried a variety of things, as I’m sure most couples do…marriage self-help books, self-improvement exercises, more focus on our sex life, more “us” time…but those deep-seated issues between us still were not resolved. To summarize the major issues in our marriage, from both of our respective positions is as follows: From my husband’s perspective- his wife was over-bearing, always on his case, nagged him about everything, talked down to him, and made him feel that she didn’t care about his opinion. From my perspective- I felt that my husband never helped in the day-to-day running of our lives and that he didn’t care to, that he never made me feel special, and that he took me for granted. Also, we both agreed that we were unhappy with our sex life and our normal nightly routine which included plopping down in front of the television and having a few too many adult beverages. We needed a change.
To preface all this, throughout our marriage we have experimented with spanking, my husband spanking me, as sex foreplay. We’ve always had a couple of light weight paddles (the fun leather ones you might pick up at that erotic sex shop while on vacation) that we played around with, but it was always just for fun. We hadn’t ever thought about using spanking as discipline or with the idea that one of us (me) needed discipline. However, while I may not have fully realized it, I had always craved this type of discipline from my husband. I wanted to be held accountable. I wanted him to take me in hand when I “messed up”. I wanted to not always be the one in charge. One day, I found my first domestic discipline site and from that moment on, I knew that I really wanted to try that kind of a lifestyle with my husband.
When he came home from work that night, I showed him what I had found. We talked about it, looked at websites and pictures, and talked about it some more. If we were to commit to this lifestyle, there would be no more talking down to him, no more disrespect or nagging, and basically, no more petty arguments. What I could expect from him, as we discussed, was a husband who was really paying attention to me and my behavior and who was more involved in what I do day-to-day in our household (besides my job). We both agreed that basically, when he felt it necessary, he would give me a spanking to correct my behavior.
After much discussion, we committed to each other that we would give this lifestyle a try. The communication lines would stay open and we would set the rules together. And we did. And we began to experience the benefits of completely rewriting the “rules” to our relationship. As the days went by, we both realized how much work it was to make these types of changes. Specifically, I realized just how much I talk down to him and how hard it was to change this and he realized just how much it always angered him and caused him to retreat emotionally, basically ignoring me. But now, he was fully paying attention to my behavior, and spanking me each and every time that I slipped up, and I was becoming fully aware of what my mouth (my verbal abuse toward him) was doing to our marriage.
The first few days, I was spanked several times each evening. For example, one night we were standing in the kitchen about to eat dinner and I said something extremely bitchy about his job. Before I knew it, I was bent over, my pants and panties around my knees, receiving a spanking from my husband. While it was a short spanking it was painful and humiliating. After, he asked me if I knew why he had spanked me and we had a great conversation. After the spanking and the talk, the issue was completely resolved. Prior to our commitment to this new lifestyle, a casual bitchy comment like that would have ruined the rest of our evening.
We have been committed to this new lifestyle for five weeks. I can honestly say, that I have never been happier in our marriage and my husband will tell you the same thing. Not only are we both happier in our roles in our marriage, our sex life has improved 100%. We look forward to spending time together and we both admire the changes we are seeing in each other. I feel like I am finally getting back to the person I once was, before marriage, career, and life took over. My husband feels over joyed that he has a happy and loving wife to come home to.
So, what are our new roles exactly? My husband is now the head of our household. Prior to our new commitment, we had always fought for this power (on a subconscious level) and to be honest, I usually won (by speaking down to him and trying to prove that I contributed more to our marriage than he did). While we both agree that we are equal in intelligence, capability, etc., it seems to work out much better to have one clearly established leader within our marriage, which is now him. My role in our marriage is not to be the leader, but to follow my husband, support him, and build him up. This does not mean that we don’t discuss things that affect both of us and we still make many decisions together. But ultimately, he has the final say.
This is not as easy as it sounds as I had become very accustomed to always getting my way, even when deep down I knew I was wrong. For some reason, it was more important to me back then to get my way, than to make the best decisions for both of us. I look back on how I used to speak to my husband, how I would belittle him, and I feel very ashamed of myself. How did I become that person? What is most important now though is that I am changing those qualities within myself with my husband’s help. I am learning a new type of self-discipline…the kind that comes from wanting to please my partner. And of course, I am being disciplined by my husband when my behavior warrants it. One thing my husband has repeated many many times over the course of the last five weeks is that he will be a fair leader within our marriage. I admire him so much. He has not gotten “high” on this new power within our marriage, and if anything, sometimes I feel he is too fair with me. Prior, to this, I recognize that I was not a fair leader. I blamed him for everything that went wrong, unjustly. I belittled him constantly because I could. I was the worst kind of leader. He is a naturally kind but firm leader. He builds me up and is constantly complimenting me on the improvements he has seen in my attitude and new commitment to our marriage. I, in turn, also express my gratitude to him about the man he is becoming and the leader he is within our marriage.
I started this blog because I needed to be able to express my joy about the beautiful changes within my marriage and in the hopes that our experiences may help others with whom this type of lifestyle might be beneficial. Our society does not exactly condone this type of marriage in today’s day and age, at least not within the circles my husband and I travel. To be clear, I do not necessarily think this would suit everyone. Also, my husband and I are not engaging in this lifestyle for any religious reasons. Additionally, neither of us feel that men are more capable or more intelligent than women. However, for he and I, having him as the clearly established leader of our marriage works for us. We both feel that we are becoming better people and we can both feel that our marriage is more loving and stronger.
Thank you for reading!
~ naughty nora