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The Intimacy of Domestic Discipline

I woke up this morning thinking about the close bond that domestic discipline has forged between my husband and I.  We have always been close, best friends even, but this new journey has brought us closer than ever.  There are no secrets between us, no hurts that haven’t been addressed, and the way we can speak so honestly with each other now is (at least for me) mind blowing.  We have been honest with each other in ways that has brought us so much closer as husband and wife.

We both feel that this lifestyle enhances our natural gender traits.  I certainly feel more feminine and attractive to my husband and as he said when we were discussing this issue, “You have awoken something inside of me”, referring to his own dominant, masculine traits.  I realize that I look at my husband through a different lens now and I love what I see.  I see a strong man, my protector, my lover, my Daddy, and my disciplinarian.  I see a man who wants to ensure we have a stronger, healthier marriage and that moves me in ways that I am not yet able to put into words.

While our sex life is better than ever, there is something about being bared by my husband for a spanking that is intensely intimate, in a different way than making love/sex/fucking is.  When I am due for a spanking, all my defenses are stripped away and it seems the world just disappears.  It is just he and I, my bare bottom under his firm hand, for however long he deems necessary.  During these moments, I often cry out in distress and sometimes I cry very real tears from the pain of my spanking.  And yet, resolved to better our marriage, my husband continues the spanking until he feels that a lesson has been learned.  While his left hand is generally on the small of my back, holding me firmly in place, occasionally he will reach down and take my hand in his; an acknowledgement of the pain I am enduring to better our marriage, a signal that he is proud that I am taking my discipline without complaint.

And after…nothing can describe the love and gratitude that I feel toward him after he has thoroughly chastised me with a spanking.  I feel small, feminine, and loved.  I feel worthy of his time, attention, and love.  When I am in his arms, being held against his chest, my panties still down revealing a scarlet red, throbbing behind, I know that we have discovered the greatest intimacy we have known together…the intimacy of domestic discipline.

~ Nora

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Still Learning…

My husband and I are very new to this lifestyle, which we refer to as domestic discipline.  With that in mind, we have been making major discoveries within our marriage and within each other regarding our strengths, weaknesses, behaviors, etc.  As I previously wrote in another blog, I was the leader in our marriage for the first 13 years of being together.  I have a very strong personality (as I am learning many of you do) and I fought my husband for control daily (I didn’t conceptualize it this way back then, but ultimately this is what was happening between us).  I would do whatever necessary to maintain control…argue constantly, always try to prove him wrong, put him down, build myself up…(why he stayed married to me is beyond me sometimes).  Fast forward to today and (obviously) he does not tolerate that type of behavior from me anymore in any way, shape, or form.  Now, any type of back talk from me earns me a good, hard spanking and I am grateful to him for doing it.  While I am committed to learning to be a better, more submissive wife for him, sometimes, my own feminine disrespect slips past me (and sometimes, past him).  Last night, however; he pointed out to me something that I had been doing, unconsciously, over the last week.  While Daddy has not disciplined me for this disrespect as of yet, I have no doubt that I will be properly dealt with.

The unconscious behavior that he pointed out is that I have been very subtly blaming him for my misbehaviors this week.  You see, we were about three weeks into this journey when Daddy had to be gone for a week for work.  When he returned we had to go out of town to visit family and when we got home he came down with a terrible flu.  During these two weeks, I basically fell into self-pity and feeling sorry for myself as I missed the closeness we had been experiencing lately.  I acted out terribly and threw not just one, but two tantrums while my husband was away on business.  Over this last week, I have been making very subtle comments about how I am off track because of those two weeks…which, as he pointed out last night, is my way of putting him down and trying to be controlling.  And, after I thought about it, I realized that he is exactly right.  I feel very ashamed of myself now.  Here I thought I was really learning what it meant to be submissive, only to realize I was trying to be controlling in a different, more subtle way.  He pointed out that I keep commenting on how I had no guidance for those two weeks and how that was actually a lie…and he is right.  The week he was gone at work, and super busy and stressed, he still texted me constantly throughout the day to assign me chores, check on me, and express his love and guidance.  When I threw a tantrum about being left alone for a week and having to be responsible for everything at home, he promised me the spanking I had earned for throwing a tantrum (this was an agreed upon rule prior to him leaving town for work…no getting mad at him- temper tantrum- for him having to go out of town because of his job).  I then proceeded to throw another tantrum that night on the phone and he promised a second spanking.  When he returned from work, we only had two hours until we had to get in the car and leave town to visit my family, and yet he still followed through and spanked me twice very firmly, but lovingly, as he promised he would.  Does this sound like someone who left his wife without any guidance?  No, it does not.  It becomes more clear to me that I was acting extremely selfishly.  He also did not leave me without guidance that weekend.  We were staying with my family and he respectfully did not spank me there where someone might hear.  However, he did take me for a drive out into nature, where he did apply a spanking with the hair brush to my very bare bottom right there on the side of the road.  He told me it was a reminder spanking to behave while we were with my family.  Again…does this sound like a husband who left his wife without any guidance?  No, it surely does not.  When we returned from our family visit, my husband came down with a terrible flu which prevented us from being close physically.  While I did nurse him back to health, I was resentful.  I had missed my husband for a week while he was gone and now he was sick…like that was really his fault.  And, he has spanked me for that now that he is well.  But, that still didn’t prevent me from subtly suggesting that somehow, from all his “lack of attention” over the past two weeks that that is why I am off track behavior wise.

I feel shamed as I write this post.  My husband has gone out of his way to provide guidance to his ungrateful wife, even when it was challenging because of work duties, family obligations, and health reasons. He is certainly holding up his end of the bargain, while I act like a sulky, pouty, child who didn’t get her way.  So…here I am, sitting on a ginger fig as I write this blog post outlining my misbehavior (if you have never been figged, think of it as a spanking to the inside of your bottom…it HURTS!).  All I can hope is that my Daddy will read this post and know that I am truly ashamed of myself and that I will continue to try hard.  I will be forever grateful for his unwavering love and guidance.

With a submissive heart,

Nora

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What it means to be a good girl this week

Last night, my husband gave me my weekly reminder spanking and then sent me to the corner to think on my behavior.  He instructed me to think about what it means to be a good girl this week.  After standing in the corner for what felt like forever with my well-spanked backside on display, while considering what he had said, he told me that I could come out and we had our post-spanking talk.  I told him some of the things that I had come up with.  I also suggested writing a blog about what it means for me to be a good girl this week as an assignment to be completed for him and he agreed.  Yesterday, prior to spanking me during our conversation about my behavior during the week, he complimented my efforts with creating the blog.  He told me he was very proud of me.  It made me feel very loved that he took the time to read my blog posts and that they pleased him.  So here I am, Monday morning, coffee in hand, sitting on a fairly-sore and well-spanked bottom, writing about what it will mean for me to be a good girl this week.

My husband often sends me texts during the day, communicating to me what he would like to see get done that day.  This often includes things like getting my work done (much of my professional work is done at home), getting our bills paid, cleaning projects, exercising, etc.  So, first on my list, would be to obey him promptly with all my assignments without question (sometimes I catch myself trying to negotiate, especially about exercise).  Next, I would consider my attitude.  I struggled greatly in having a pleasing attitude the last two weeks as my Daddy (I love this term of endearment for my husband and so does he) was gone from home for work for an entire week and then was very sick the next week when he returned.  While I still took great care of him physically while he was sick, emotionally I acted out as I experienced feelings of great loneliness.  Working on my attitude at all times, regardless of situation, needs to be on the list.  While Daddy certainly supports the expression of my feelings, he does not allow me to sulk around the house or say bitchy comments to him regardless of how I am feeling.  With that in mind, I think I will also work hard this week to do extra things for Daddy, to show him that I am trying to improve my behavior…things like, doing some of his chores, writing him a love letter, or baking or buying a special treat he enjoys.

Everything considered, here is my list.

To demonstrate that I am a good girl this week:

  • I will obey Daddy promptly, no questions asked, no negotiations.
  • I will maintain a pleasing, submissive attitude. If something makes me unhappy, I will discuss it maturely with Daddy and not sulk or pout around the house.
  • I will not procrastinate.
  • I will work out 3-4 times this week, without complaint.
  • I will keep the kitchen clean and the house picked up.
  • I will spend time thinking of extra ways to brighten Daddy’s day.

Now that it is in writing, I feel a bit relieved.  Sometimes, just seeing what is expected of you, having that structure, makes it easier to be better behaved.  I will show my husband this list today, and make revisions as necessary per his request.

One last reflection…I love living this life with my husband.  I do not find it demeaning or degrading as a woman that my husband spanks me for misbehavior or that he provided firm guidance in my daily life.  I am a strong woman and I know that my husband admires that quality in me.  It is this strength that allows me to submit to his authority and while there are still days that this is difficult, I am dedicated to improving myself for him, for us, and for myself.  I will be a good girl this week.

~ Nora

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Weekly Reminder Spankings

Today is Sunday, which is our agreed upon day that my husband gives me a reminder spanking to encourage good behavior throughout the week.  These spankings almost always occur in the evenings, giving me lots of time throughout the day to anticipate (and dread) what is coming.  Each time I think of my impending spanking, my tummy fills with butterflies.  I know that at some point today, my husband will find me in our home and tell me to come to the living room.  At that point, I will know that I will shortly be turned over, face down and bottom up, and given a spanking to remind me to behave myself all week.

Prior to spanking me, my husband and I will have a conversation about my behavior.  He typically asks me to speak first and I must evaluate my own behavior throughout the week.  At this point, he talks to me about what he has observed, and both compliments me on good behaviors and lectures me on poor ones.  These conversations typically last from five to ten minutes and at the end of the conversation, he informs me what type of spanking I will be receiving with regard to severity.  If I have been rather well behaved throughout the week, I am still spanked until I cry, but then the spanking is over.  But, if my behavior has been lacking throughout the week, I can expect a much more severe spanking which will make me cry and leave me unable to sit comfortably for several days.  After he has announced my spanking, he points to the ottoman and requests that I lower my panties to my knees and lay across it.  This position makes me feel very vulnerable as my bare bottom and thighs are raised for correction, while my breasts, arms, and face are closer to the floor on the other side.

My husband and I have collected several implements for him to discipline me with.  He typically sends me to gather specific tools of his choice prior to our conversation about my behavior.  He tends to favor the medium weight leather paddle, the strap, the hairbrush, and the wooden paddle which has holes in it.  But, he also has a cane and typically keeps a switch on hand as well.  The switches picked from our yard come from fruit trees and are extremely painful and stingy.

My reminder spankings tend to last anywhere between 5-15 minutes, depending on what my behavior has earned me that week.  My husband will typically give me a warm up spanking with his hand during these types of spankings rather than immediately start in with punishment swats.  Towards the end of the spanking, he will often make me count and repeat lines, such as “I will behave myself this week”.  After he has thoroughly spanked me to his satisfaction, he either helps me up and gives me a nice warm hug, or sends me to the corner (if he felt I behaved badly that week).  He typically lets me cry it out in the corner for 10 minutes or so, before coming to get me and hugging me then.

While I will nervously anticipate my impending spanking this evening, especially as I feel I was poorly behaved several days this week, I feel extreme gratitude this morning towards the man who will fairly deliver that discipline.  We entered into this agreement together, and our marriage has blossomed, both of us enjoying the benefits that domestic discipline has brought us.  I very much like the person and wife that I am becoming and my husband enjoys leading us and having a pleasing, submissive wife by his side. While perhaps unconventional in this modern era, this old-fashioned type of love works for us.

~ Nora

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An apology to Daddy

This is an apology letter that I wrote to my husband today, who I lovingly refer to as “Daddy” sometimes.  Due to my poor attitude, he found it necessary to spank me with the heavy wooden paddle (dreadful thing!), send me out for a workout (he knows this always improves my mood), and assign me lines to write.  After my discipline, I was feeling very ashamed of my poor behavior and attitude towards him, and I wrote him this letter as a surprise which I gave him along with my completed lines.  He found this very pleasing which gave me enormous gratitude for him and his patience.  So, here it is:

Dear Daddy,

I am very sorry that you are so sick this week.  All I want is for you to feel better again and to not suffer the horrible symptoms that you are suffering.  I recognize that I have had a very poor attitude towards you this past week.  All the excuses I’ve mentioned to you throughout the week do not matter.  What matters is that I have not had a pleasing, sweet, submissive attitude towards you when you needed it most.  Instead, I have been very selfish, only thinking of my own needs which makes me feel very ashamed.

I promise to try to do better.  Being submissive does not come easy to me when I have not been recently disciplined by you.  My goal is to learn real submission and to display a more pleasing attitude without needed you to spank me first to get me “in that place”.  You have already been so patient with me…please don’t give up on the new me.  I promise to try harder for you, for us, and for myself.  We both know that I am a better and happier woman when I submit to you properly.

You are my everything, my world.  I hope that you heal quickly and I will do my best to take care of you in all ways.

Your loving wife, partner, and little girl,

Nora

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Why we choose domestic discipline for our marriage

Hello all!  I am writing this blog to share the wonderful experiences my husband and I have been having on this new journey of revamping our marriage.  Before I describe more about what we are doing, let me provide an introduction as to how we got where we are.  My husband and I have been together for 14 years and as we all know, marriage, while super rewarding, is also an incredibly challenging commitment.  Dealing with the mundane day-to-day, experiencing the tragedy of death and loss together, and even dealing with the idea of separation made us realize that we needed a change.  As difficult as it was to face, we were both unhappy with our marriage.  However, we both still felt fully committed to our marriage and making it work which worked in our favor.

We tried a variety of things, as I’m sure most couples do…marriage self-help books, self-improvement exercises, more focus on our sex life, more “us” time…but those deep-seated issues between us still were not resolved.  To summarize the major issues in our marriage, from both of our respective positions is as follows: From my husband’s perspective- his wife was over-bearing, always on his case, nagged him about everything, talked down to him, and made him feel that she didn’t care about his opinion.  From my perspective- I felt that my husband never helped in the day-to-day running of our lives and that he didn’t care to, that he never made me feel special, and that he took me for granted.  Also, we both agreed that we were unhappy with our sex life and our normal nightly routine which included plopping down in front of the television and having a few too many adult beverages.  We needed a change.

To preface all this, throughout our marriage we have experimented with spanking, my husband spanking me, as sex foreplay.  We’ve always had a couple of light weight paddles (the fun leather ones you might pick up at that erotic sex shop while on vacation) that we played around with, but it was always just for fun.  We hadn’t ever thought about using spanking as discipline or with the idea that one of us (me) needed discipline.  However, while I may not have fully realized it, I had always craved this type of discipline from my husband.  I wanted to be held accountable.  I wanted him to take me in hand when I “messed up”.  I wanted to not always be the one in charge.  One day, I found my first domestic discipline site and from that moment on, I knew that I really wanted to try that kind of a lifestyle with my husband.

When he came home from work that night, I showed him what I had found.  We talked about it, looked at websites and pictures, and talked about it some more.  If we were to commit to this lifestyle, there would be no more talking down to him, no more disrespect or nagging, and basically, no more petty arguments.  What I could expect from him, as we discussed, was a husband who was really paying attention to me and my behavior and who was more involved in what I do day-to-day in our household (besides my job).  We both agreed that basically, when he felt it necessary, he would give me a spanking to correct my behavior.

After much discussion, we committed to each other that we would give this lifestyle a try.  The communication lines would stay open and we would set the rules together.  And we did.  And we began to experience the benefits of completely rewriting the “rules” to our relationship.  As the days went by, we both realized how much work it was to make these types of changes.  Specifically, I realized just how much I talk down to him and how hard it was to change this and he realized just how much it always angered him and caused him to retreat emotionally, basically ignoring me.  But now, he was fully paying attention to my behavior, and spanking me each and every time that I slipped up, and I was becoming fully aware of what my mouth (my verbal abuse toward him) was doing to our marriage.

The first few days, I was spanked several times each evening.  For example, one night we were standing in the kitchen about to eat dinner and I said something extremely bitchy about his job.  Before I knew it, I was bent over, my pants and panties around my knees, receiving a spanking from my husband.  While it was a short spanking it was painful and humiliating.  After, he asked me if I knew why he had spanked me and we had a great conversation.  After the spanking and the talk, the issue was completely resolved.  Prior to our commitment to this new lifestyle, a casual bitchy comment like that would have ruined the rest of our evening.

We have been committed to this new lifestyle for five weeks.  I can honestly say, that I have never been happier in our marriage and my husband will tell you the same thing.  Not only are we both happier in our roles in our marriage, our sex life has improved 100%.  We look forward to spending time together and we both admire the changes we are seeing in each other.  I feel like I am finally getting back to the person I once was, before marriage, career, and life took over.  My husband feels over joyed that he has a happy and loving wife to come home to.

So, what are our new roles exactly?  My husband is now the head of our household.  Prior to our new commitment, we had always fought for this power (on a subconscious level) and to be honest, I usually won (by speaking down to him and trying to prove that I contributed more to our marriage than he did).  While we both agree that we are equal in intelligence, capability, etc., it seems to work out much better to have one clearly established leader within our marriage, which is now him.  My role in our marriage is not to be the leader, but to follow my husband, support him, and build him up.  This does not mean that we don’t discuss things that affect both of us and we still make many decisions together.  But ultimately, he has the final say.

This is not as easy as it sounds as I had become very accustomed to always getting my way, even when deep down I knew I was wrong.  For some reason, it was more important to me back then to get my way, than to make the best decisions for both of us.  I look back on how I used to speak to my husband, how I would belittle him, and I feel very ashamed of myself. How did I become that person?  What is most important now though is that I am changing those qualities within myself with my husband’s help.  I am learning a new type of self-discipline…the kind that comes from wanting to please my partner.  And of course, I am being disciplined by my husband when my behavior warrants it.  One thing my husband has repeated many many times over the course of the last five weeks is that he will be a fair leader within our marriage.  I admire him so much.  He has not gotten “high” on this new power within our marriage, and if anything, sometimes I feel he is too fair with me.  Prior, to this, I recognize that I was not a fair leader.  I blamed him for everything that went wrong, unjustly.  I belittled him constantly because I could.  I was the worst kind of leader.  He is a naturally kind but firm leader.  He builds me up and is constantly complimenting me on the improvements he has seen in my attitude and new commitment to our marriage.   I, in turn, also express my gratitude to him about the man he is becoming and the leader he is within our marriage.

I started this blog because I needed to be able to express my joy about the beautiful changes within my marriage and in the hopes that our experiences may help others with whom this type of lifestyle might be beneficial.  Our society does not exactly condone this type of marriage in today’s day and age, at least not within the circles my husband and I travel.  To be clear, I do not necessarily think this would suit everyone.  Also, my husband and I are not engaging in this lifestyle for any religious reasons.  Additionally, neither of us feel that men are more capable or more intelligent than women.  However, for he and I, having him as the clearly established leader of our marriage works for us.  We both feel that we are becoming better people and we can both feel that our marriage is more loving and stronger.

Thank you for reading!

~ naughty nora