Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 11

Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 11

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!

~nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 11

Prompt: Most of us think of consent as a “Yes” or a “No” when it comes to sex. But really, whether in a vanilla or kinky relationship, there’s more to consent than that. Plus, some D/s relationships play with consensual non-consent. Some relationships have a rule that as long as the submissive is with the Dominant, consent is implied. See? Much more than a yes or no question. Think about consent and what it means to you.

Consent is of the upmost importance in all relationships, as well as in D/s dynamics.  To provide consent, means that an individual expresses approval or agreement regarding the act in question.  As I move forward in my education about dominance and submission, I am learning that there are many different kinds of D/s lifestyles but that they all begin with the submissive providing consent to his/her dominant regarding the lifestyle that has been chosen.  In some relationships, consent may be required numerous times as the couple explores new situations together.  However, in my marriage, my consent was given to my husband just the one time when we decided to incorporate domestic discipline into our relationship.

The consent that I gave my husband was my approval of him handling my discipline.  He expects me to act respectfully to him at all times and to obey his rules.  If I disrespect him, displease him, or disobey him then he will discipline me, which typically means a spanking.  At the start of our journey with D/s, I gave my consent to be spanked as Daddy sees fit.  My husband does not ask my permission each time he disciplines me as it has been agreed up that my consent has already been given.

I am realizing as I move forward in our D/s journey that Daddy and I are rather “vanilla” when it comes to sex.  While we do spice things up a little with anal plugs and the occasional use of the spreader bar, we typically just have really good, yummy sex until we both orgasm.  Daddy doesn’t inflict pain upon me during sex.  There really isn’t anything we do or try that would require additional consent on my part.  To date, we have only done one “scene” which I requested of him.  During our scene, he gave me a mild spanking after which he laid me on the bed on my tummy.  He restrained my hands above my head and placed my ankles in the spreader bar.  He then proceeded to slide our large metal plug in and out of my bottom.  While this wasn’t painful, it was humiliating (for me) and I did cry a little.  However, it was something that I asked Daddy for as a reminder of who I belonged to.  After, he held me and then we had fantastic sex.  This was all consensual.

Perhaps in the future, Daddy may want something from me that would require my additional consent.  However, because we have no trouble communicating about such matters, I feel he would openly and directly ask me about whatever it was he was wanting to try.  If I was uncomfortable doing it, I would have no qualms about expressing that to him and I have no doubt that he would respect my feelings on the matter.

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9 thoughts on “Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 11

  1. Thank you for sharing, Nora.

    By taking on a sense of “meta-consent” (I like this term better than consensual non-consent) it definitely makes things more exciting and open-ended. It may take a while but these types of D/s relationships tend to evolve naturally as Doms get more dominant and subs get more submissive over time. I believe that once both parties have experienced a good number of acts that the allure of symbolism takes on a greater weight.

    A random observation about this is that men tend to plateau a bit more easily than women do, regardless of the role (it seems to happen in both M/f and F/m).

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Anytime, Nora.

        Describing the plateaus will take some detail as it involves some discussion of the process of fetish development and the like. I will try to type a blog post this afternoon as a reply if that is okay. I will post a comment here when I finish. A related topic is that as a whole, newer subs tend to go down the rabbit hole faster than newer Doms. This can create some strangeness as it takes a while for the Dom to catch up, but once caught up, the Dom is more likely to evolve faster than the sub from that point on (assuming there are no plateaus happening).

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

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