The Contenders (looking for a Dom!)

As a gal in my 40’s, I know quite a few people who have been in long time marriages (often, right out of high school) and now find themselves divorced…and navigating this new, on-line world of dating.  And for the most part, they hate it!  And, I’ve always thought… I want NO part in that (and, I don’t!  I am very happily married to Daddy).  But I have got to tell you… “shopping” for an on-line Dom has been a pretty exciting experience.  There have certainly been some highs and lows, but overall… I met some pretty nice fellows (there were a few odd balls in there too).  I’ve decided to write a little about each of the gentlemen, well, the ones who were meaningful to me, in any case.  Please note that I will refer to each of these people by their pseudonyms to protect their privacy. 

Meet G-man.  G-man is actually a switch, who lives in the same state as me.  He is married and loves playing spanking games with his wife. He reached out to me via email after reading a post on my blog that caught his eye about orgasm denial and edging.  While he prefers to be the one having his bottom spanked, he did let me know that he was plenty strong enough and dominant enough to turn a little girl like me over his knee for a good spanking (virtually, that is).  We had quite a few email exchanges and one thing that I really appreciated about G-man was his creativity.  He sent me quite a few ideas on various spanking games that Daddy and I could play together.  One that sticks out in my mind had to do with “just the tip”….seeing how long I could hover over Daddy, inserting just the tip of his cock into me, without impaling myself….he had a way of configuring how many seconds I could last equaling an amount of spanks to be given…but I can’t remember all the details.  He also had a fantastic idea for a “Training Week” that he outlined in detail to me.  G-man and I never actually talked about him becoming my dominant, but I wanted to give a shout out to him as he was very supportive to me after my breakup with Implacable and his wife.  

Meet Sir Rex.  Sir Rex is an intensely dominant man.  I met him in the spanking chatroom.  He is all business and so his subs had better be on their best behavior at all times.  The first time we chatted, he asked me if I was familiar with the “Murga” position.  I was honest and told him that I was not.  Without asking for my consent, he told me that I was to research this position by the next time we spoke.  This caught me off guard (and, was a big turn on for me…I really like being told what to do).  In any case, I obeyed, and research “Murga”.  As it turns out, it is a punishment utilized in India and Pakistan.  The punished person is made to hold this position in public to bring shame to them.  The position is best described as a position resembling a rooster…one squats and loops their arms behind their knees, firmly holding their ears.  Well, I learned something new!  I spoke with Sir Rex a few more times, but we really didn’t make a personal connection…it felt mostly like role-play (on my end), and not like someone who truly wanted to get to know me.   

Meet Sir Thomas.  Sir Thomas and I shared a few days of very stimulating conversation about submission and dominance.  I will share with you that he returned one of my emails to me, instructing me to find and fix the grammar mistake I had made, and to resend it to him (this sent me spiraling right into subspace!).  Sir Thomas very much liked the idea of helping me grow as a writer.  He was actually the one who inspired the post titled “Panties”.  He assigned me the topic and gave me feedback on my writing style.  I realized that collaborating with a Dom about my writing was not something I was very interested in…it felt VERY invasive.  But, I also saw my resistance as potentially an area that I might work on my submission…after all, learning to submit to something that was challenging for me would be a worthwhile exercise, right?  While I enjoyed Sir Thomas’ company very much, ultimately, he did not check off one of my very important boxes.  Sir Thomas was single and about the same age as me.  He had a lot of concerns about the boundaries that I was requiring for a D/s dynamic.  If you will remember, from my Dom wish-list, I would prefer to enter into a dynamic with someone who is also longtime married (and gets what this is like) and someone who is a bit older than me (part of this requirement is about the maturity that comes with more life experiences, and part of this is my need for me to feel that this person is an “authority” figure in my life).  While Sir Thomas is a wonderfully dominant man, and someone with whom I shared a lovely connection…ultimately, it just wasn’t a perfect fit for me.  But, I am grateful to still receive kind emails from him from time to time.

Meet Mr. Castle.  Mr. Castle was a very nice man with whom I shared a “missed” connection.  He was from the UK and we shared a mutual affinity for a particular castle in England where we both had stayed (he read on my blog about my spanking in a castle, which led to this discussion).  This was great fun to talk about together.  He was also married and older than me (check, check).  But, unfortunately, by the time he really started trying to connect with me… I had already moved on.  However, I did want to mention him as he was very kind to me and seemed very interested in connecting with me in a meaningful way.  We never really got around to discussing spanking and discipline, so I am unsure what his experience as a Dom was.         

Throughout these experiences, I was still getting the occasional email from Mr. Intriguing who was away for a few weeks on vacation.  If you remember, he was the first person that I really connected with in the spanking chatroom.  He was married, older, and obviously very smart (check, check, check).  I looked forward to his emails… but, I just wasn’t getting the sense that he was very “dominant”, per se.  There was definitely a good connection there though…

It strikes me that one thing I should mention is how Daddy took all of this in stride.  Each night, we would sit in the hot tub and discuss my experiences in the chatroom.  Sometimes he would laugh, sometimes he would be concerned, but overall…he was very supportive.  He continued to remind me to be safe and to never share my identity or picture (which I didn’t).  If I was going to hookup with a Dom, that person was going to have to be content only knowing my mind for the first few months. 

Well, I am not giving up, my kinky friends!  I can be a very determined girl when I want to be…and I am determined to find a real-life, on-line D/s dynamic (is that an oxymoron? 😊)

Thank you for reading!!!

Love,

nora