Last week, I got very caught up in the idea of, “Is D/s my real life?”. This week, after much reflection, I realize that the question in itself is problematic and that I was basically just getting caught up in terminology (the word “real”). I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, D/s is very real to me, and that it is a part of my “private” life. Just because most of my friends and family are unaware that my husband and I engage in D/s, does not make it any less real for us…just private.
But, that got me thinking about a topic that came up while dialoging with Alpha and kat (if you aren’t following them…you should be!). I realized that the word “submissive” doesn’t ring true for me. I am not submissive…not naturally, anyway. In my life outside of my home, I am very much an assertive, go-getter type. I hold advanced degrees in two areas of study, and am often described by others as a leader. My friends and family often look to me for advice and help. I am solid, dependable, and good in almost any situation.
However,… I am submissive to my husband, or at least, I am trying to be. I desire to submit to him. I long to be the kneeling, obedient, pliant sub that we both envision me being. I yearn to give him foot rubs in the evening and to hear him call me his “good girl”.
What is up with that? Why would a beautiful, intelligent, articulate, worldly woman (yes, tooting my own horn a bit—it’s called self-love!)…want to kneel before her husband and rub his stinky feet? (Okay, they aren’t actually stinky, but I have a flair for the dramatic at times).
Why does a non-submissive woman want to be submissive?
Pondering on this…there are lots of reasons. I think the biggest reason for me is that I get to give up control. I don’t have to make decisions, I don’t have to think…I only have to obey. This is attractive to me as it is much less stressful than being in control. The next biggest reason is what it does for my husband (see how selfish I am! Shouldn’t my biggest reason to be submissive have to do with the needs of my husband?). He has told me that it helps him to feel more confident, more in control, and that it charges his sex drive. Another big reason (for me, again) is that it charges my sex drive! The idea of being taken-in-hand and disciplined by a strong male figure is such a huge turn on for me! I am a self-proclaimed spanko and have been for as long as I can remember.
There are some who might say, think back to your childhood…what happened there? Are you longing for the strong male figure that you never had? Nope. Sorry folks, I have an awesome father, and I had an awesome mother. My childhood was incredibly happy. It wasn’t until my late 20’s that things began to unravel between my parents, and even then, they still showed each other a lot of love and respect.
Others might ask…is it a low self-esteem thing? Nope, not even close. I’ve always had high self-esteem, even through those awkward teen years. It has only been this year, for the first time in my life, I’ve felt a little insecure as I started to experience a skin condition called “rosacea”. This is really the only thing in my 38 years of life that I have ever felt self-conscious about.
You might be wondering…was she ever abused? Nope, not that either.
To sum it up…I don’t have Daddy-issues, I don’t have low-self esteem problems, I haven’t suffered abusive relationships…and yet, I long to submit to my husband. I’ve come to the conclusion that my submission to my husband is an attractive option to me because it benefits both of us in several ways…1) I get to lose control, and he gets to have control, and 2) Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
It’s all about sex, baby!
Thank you for reading this dribble! Much appreciated 😊
P.S. And please don’t think it has escaped my attention that my last post began by stating how I didn’t need to answer the “whys” to these questions…and here I am, pondering away 😊