A public apology

I really messed up today.  I was in an unfamiliar situation, and I froze.  And later, I lied about it, making it worse. 

Let me set the scene.  Sir had just called me.  Talking on the phone is still very new and I get very nervous when I know he will be calling.  We had been on the phone less than a minute when my other line rang.  It was Daddy calling and he’s out of town for work.  I completely froze.  Sir was talking and I didn’t hear a word he said, I just watched as the other line continued to beep in.  I didn’t know what to do and I felt paralyzed by indecision.

What I should have done is interrupted Sir (very respectfully) and made him aware of the situation.  I have no doubt he would have been very encouraging and supportive and told me that he would wait for me while I took Daddy’s call.  When I picked up the other line, I could have explained to Daddy that I was talking to Sir and about to have a discipline session. 

Instead, I took the coward’s way out and tried to pretend it didn’t happen.  I had my discipline session with Sir, and after, I laid down for a bit because I felt very worn out after my spanking and corner time.

And here is where it gets really bad.  I finally texted Daddy…

…and I lied.

I told Daddy that I had fallen asleep and missed his call. 

The good news is that I only let this lie exist between us for less than five minutes.  Feeling ashamed and overcome with guilt, I texted Daddy right back and told him what I had done, why, and how sorry I was.  Daddy was incredibly generous and forgiving.  He told me that he was disappointed in me but that he understood and that everything was okay.  It hurts so much when Daddy is disappointed in me.  It really is the worst thing.  I am feeling just awful right now.  And to make it worse…he is out of town, so I can’t even hug him tonight and try to make it up to him in person.    

This is really hard sometimes… being married to my husband, the love of my life, AND submitting to Sir.  Sometimes I feel like I am being pulled in different directions, even though both men are very careful not to put me in that sort of situation.  But it is easy to get caught up in my submission to Sir and get lost in that world, just like it is easy to get caught up with Daddy on the weekends and let my dynamic with Sir fade into the background.    

I know that I can do better.  Lying to my husband today made this so much worse, even if he did handle the situation with understanding and grace.  Yes…it would have been difficult to interrupt Sir…but he would have been patient with me and understood.  Yes…it would have been hard to take Daddy’s call and explain to him that I was on the phone with Sir…but he would have been patient and loving toward me, and he would have understood.  I am the one who screwed up here.  I am so mad at myself right now.  My husband has been so generous letting me experience this Dynamic with Sir…and I go and do stupid things like this.

I am very sorry, Daddy.  I promise you that I will do better and that I will act with more integrity in these situations.  I see that I really messed up here and I will make it up to you.  I am sorry that my first instinct was to lie to you.  Please forgive me for being so imperfect.

With great humility,

nora

PS. I truly feel that a good mouth soaping and some corner time would do me some good right now….

44 thoughts on “A public apology

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        1. Agreed. I just had a long conversation with Daddy and we have now figured out how he wants me to handle this situation should it arise again. I am feeling a lot better. Thank you for the support, my friend ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  1. wow, that’s really tough, thank you for sharing. It is difficult, and I don’t know what I would do if there was a conflict in the future. I am glad you were honest. There is nothing more important.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree, my friend. I wish I had just been honest the first time. And I feel like a very silly girl… of course something like this could happen, and I should have talked to both of them in advance about how we would handle it. At least now, that I have talked to both of them about it, I will feel more confident handling this the next time it comes up. Thank you for your support. This did feel particularly hard today.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. That’s really hard. But Nora they forgave you and it’s time for you to forgive yourself. I’m going to give you the advice my therapist always gives me. “They forgave you. So you need to go look yourself in the mirror when you get home and tell yourself. I forgive you and I love you.” Sending you hugs, and a good hard spanking to make you feel forgiven. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Grace Marie. Your therapist is very wise. I will do this, as you suggested, and know that the best thing I can do…is to handle this with more integrity going forward. I definitely feel like I learned from this mistake….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. She really is. But sometimes that doesn’t work and you have to let the little girl frustrations out. I know I had to cry my eyes out into Ryan’s shoulder two nights ago. Because someone called my baby “sweet baby.” And that’s what Sawyer used to call me when I’d get upset or even just day to day.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I really wish that Daddy was home to discipline me. While I know he has forgiven me, a spanking often helps me to forgive myself. I really wish he was here right now….no matter how terrible the soap is.

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  3. I feel bad for you, my good friend, but I’m glad this is now resolved. Discipline relationships are made for this kind of scenario. I bet you picked the photo of the young lady in the corner with soap in her mouth as a perfect representation of how you felt after your momentary dishonesty, and where you should have been, punished, ashamed and reflecting on your behavior.

    Despite all the benefit you derive from your two relationships, I think there must be at least some unresolved internal struggle with maintaining the balance between them. This was a new situation and, in the spur of the moment, under that pressure, you panicked and made the wrong decision. Because you’re such a basically honest person, you were quickly overcome with guilt, and that honest person had to confess. Both your Daddy and your Sir, who know you well, have been understanding, and you learned from the experience. Next time, you’ll be able to think clearly and do the right thing. I hope my feeling of a happy ending here is the reality.

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    1. Yes, Franz…that is exactly why I chose that picture….that is how I SHOULD have been punished. I am unclear if Daddy is going to punish me or not, but I sure hope he does. While I have moved past this for the most part, there is a part of me that feels that I deserve to be disciplined. I really appreciate your empathy for my plight. It has definitely been a journey learning to manage both relationships simultaneously. I am really going to try to do better in the future. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who struggles with blurting out lies in the moment. While I am proud of myself for coming clean right away, I really want to recondition myself so that lying to cover something up isn’t my first response…..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can understand the feeling that, without some form of tangible punishment, an issue is not fully resolved. For me, that’s an important element of what I consider to be my discipline fetish. Even if much time has passed since the transgression, and with the guilt and lack of closure lingering under the surface, I believe punishment can heal the wound. Of course, it’s another thing when your unacceptable behavior isn’t just a one-time mistake. If your first instinct to avoid trouble is to lie, then that should be on a disciplinarian’s watch list and to be corrected if and when it happens. I think strict discipline and you sincerely wanting to do better is the winning combination.

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        1. I wouldn’t say that my first instinct is to lie. This has very rarely been a problem between my husband and I in twenty years. There have been two occasions when this happened with Sir, and like in this example, I came clean with him right away. He disciplined me and it is in the past. I do wish that my husband would discipline me for this transgression, but we will see. He has been out of town so much lately…we have to be in the same zip code for a spanking to happen 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  4. These things happen. You also owned up and have accepted your punishment so you need to try to move past it. If you were to ask either of them I am sure they would tell you that it is time. Perhaps that could be an instruction? If you feel that the punishment was not enough to allow that then perhaps you should tell your daddy so that he can decide what you need? Missy x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You should never lie, the Bible says. If you fix this, it’s just going to get a little hot on your ass when Daddy comes home. But why did you censor the lower right corner of the image?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi nudo! I had to censor the image as it was showing full frontal (and that is a big WordPress no no). I’ve already been reprimanded once for showing vajayjay pics, and I don’t want my blog deleted.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. spaces left to the imagination can be just as interesting. For the purposes of what the photo represents, it is fitting that *she* felt the embarrassment of full frontal exposure for her behavior.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. P.s. love shines through in the end and I am sure that when Daddy comes home you will get cuddles and you will have been appropriately disciplined by Sir.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t believe how I froze up, Marie! I feel so silly for not anticipating this situation happening. Talking on the phone is still so new and I get SO nervous when I know Sir is going to call. After speaking with them both about this, we now have a plan in place. Thank you for your support! XOXO

      Liked by 1 person

  7. We all make mistakes, but you recognized it and owned up to it right away. I remember a time when I glossed over a conversation with N because I was within ear shot of people at work. I called as soon as I took lunch and admitted the truth, he understood and was not upset but that heaviness of the deceit you had I understand. I would worry if you didn’t care that you lied and didn’t admit it. I’m sure next time you will do the right thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My name is Nicole iam 33 hubby n i have been married amost 10y now. Off n on this last year he has been introducing maintenance spankings. Here this last month he has deff stepped up to his dominance. Weekly rutine spankings, never would I have imagined all the positives. keeping me actn like a lady! Hes getting ready now to keep me on the up n up! We have also been making it rutine to read through all the different stories etc. before i go OTK! We love each other very muchbut there was things amis b4. The dd lifestyle has helped us both profoundly!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi niiki! Welcome to my blog. Thank you for sharing about you and your husband’s DD journey…it sounds like you are off to a great start. I hope we get to hear more about the two of you 🙂

      Like

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