I am me

At times, I am sugar and spice and everything nice…what a good girl should be.  At other times, I am a hurricane, hurtling through your life, casting my emotional turmoil this way and that, hell bent on self-destruction.  Self-reflection typically blows in after the storm has settled, attempting to soothe away the damages.  The only predictability in any of this is in the cycle itself.    

I am not always an easy person.  I often feel things intensely, passionately, and yet sometimes I go cold as ice, unable to articulate thoughts and feelings.  Often, I feel as if I am lost inside a wave, being turned this way and that by the current of life, unable to catch my breath.  And then I have moments where my feet are planted solidly in the earth, the roots of my past grounding me to the present.

I spent years self-medicating with alcohol, food, and sex…attempting to soothe away the pain of loss, of fear, of learning that we have no real control in this life.  Learning this lesson…learning how life can change in an instant and there is nothing we can do to stop it… was painful, to say the least.  I am proud of the me that is emerging from the ashes.  This girl has inner strength and is full of gratitude.

I want to experience more of my life as the tree, connected by strong roots to those around me…and less time as the girl getting tossed about in the waves.  I will continue to move in this direction, proving…if only to myself… that I am worthy of the life that I was given.

I am me, and I am proud of that.

In self-reflection,

nora

PS.  And while I no longer self-medicate with food or alcohol… I am NEVER giving up sex!  Much love, my kinky friends ❤    

47 thoughts on “I am me

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  1. This is beautiful. And also painfully relatable. I also self medicated for years with all the wrong things. I’m also either the sweetest little girl you ever did meet. Or a storm ready to rip through all peace in my path. Thank you for writing this. I love open and honest views of who you are. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Blushing. Thank you, Thomas. I find that when I can express myself this authentically, share a little piece of my soul…that I find my inner peace. And…I like to remind my kinky friends that I’m not all sex and spanking all the time… though that is definitely a hat I LOVE to wear 🙂

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  2. Good for you! I’m glad you are trying to make good/better life choices and deal with your shit properly. It’s hard. I still self-medicate with alcohol quite regularly. It’s stupid and makes me far less productive creatively. I mean I still create new erotic stuff, but I’ve gotten so lazy about music and photography. There are other reasons too, but drinking doesn’t help. Quite enjoyed this post. Maybe I’ll try to use it for inspiration to improve things in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WOW! That really is the best compliment you could give me, my friend. I hear you about the drinking…it is so easy to do and is very socially acceptable. I abused alcohol for almost five years after I lost my mom and brother back to back. My productivity and creativity have been through the roof ever since I broke up with Captain Morgan. I’ve been completely sober for six months (not consecutively, but for all of January, and then March through today). I may allow alcohol back into my life at some point (in moderation) in the future, but honestly, I am so much happier without it. And my sex drive is INSANE! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am also a tree.
    I sink my roots deep into the earth
    and I lift my arms branches, towards the sky.

    “Pedes in Terra ad sidera Visus”.

    Good weekend dear friend. And long live sex!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Little known historical fact: Years ago, not sure exactly when, was the discovery that girls are not always as good as they should be. Then spanking was invented.

    Seriously, life is tough. I’ve gone through some dark periods too. Not everyone is capable of self-evaluation and introspection, and not everyone has a real desire to be good. You have that capability and desire, and some lucky people around you to share in your journey.

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    1. Smiles at you. You never fail to make me laugh, Franz (your little quip about the invention of spanking). Thank you for your readership and your friendship. I feel that I am the lucky one ❤

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  5. Life sends us numerous storms to weather, and it’s how we handle those storms that make us stronger. Even when you felt the waves would drown you, you still managed to come up for a breath, and make it through to calmer waters. And yes, its always good to reflect on that, and remember where you came from, what you had to go through to be where you are now. It’s part of your strength. You are a beautiful person, my friend 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Self reflection is a scary place for me as when I feel I am an emotional mess and at time cold, unfeeling and indifferent I find I’m no where in between. I give you a lot of credit for seeing within yourself your truths and acceptance and working past your demons. I’m working on giving up my own demons, it’s hard because I’ve known them for so long

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It IS hard, Storm! You have so much on your plate right now, from what you have shared. I hope this doesn’t sound bad…but this pandemic was actually good for me in a way. I was forced to stay at home and really think about my life and my choices. Not being out in the world, and not going to parties and what not, was really helpful in my endeavors to cut out alcohol. You are strong, my friend! Thank you for your continued readership ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is a very rich post, and wonderfully reflective. It. is all too easy to self-medicate with a drink to hand…but as one reader posted, it also sucks away your productivity…and that is a shame. The pandemic was good for me too…it has changed my life in. so many positive ways…above all was the self-reflection that is helping me grow

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your supportive comment, my friend! I am glad to hear that there was a silver lining of this pandemic for you as well. I really appreciate your readership ❤

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  8. To know that you are who you are and what you stand for is something a lot of people don’t grasp…. you should be proud of who you are, you deserve all the great things in life that come your way 🙏🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Most welcome my dear friend. I have had a serious health issue to contend with, and come out the other side of that now, so on the improve every day. Reading your stories and experiences have only reinforced how much of an amazing human being you are and how much I have missed them 🤗🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am VERY glad to hear that you have come out on the other side of your health issues, my friend. Sending you lots of hugs and continued healing. I greatly appreciate your readership, especially after all these years 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hello dear Nora. I wish I could write passion like you do. In my story “The crying woman”. I believe need more passion. Was a pleasure to read your work. You make me want to write and create.

    Like

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