At times, I am sugar and spice and everything nice…what a good girl should be. At other times, I am a hurricane, hurtling through your life, casting my emotional turmoil this way and that, hell bent on self-destruction. Self-reflection typically blows in after the storm has settled, attempting to soothe away the damages. The only predictability in any of this is in the cycle itself.
I am not always an easy person. I often feel things intensely, passionately, and yet sometimes I go cold as ice, unable to articulate thoughts and feelings. Often, I feel as if I am lost inside a wave, being turned this way and that by the current of life, unable to catch my breath. And then I have moments where my feet are planted solidly in the earth, the roots of my past grounding me to the present.
I spent years self-medicating with alcohol, food, and sex…attempting to soothe away the pain of loss, of fear, of learning that we have no real control in this life. Learning this lesson…learning how life can change in an instant and there is nothing we can do to stop it… was painful, to say the least. I am proud of the me that is emerging from the ashes. This girl has inner strength and is full of gratitude.
I want to experience more of my life as the tree, connected by strong roots to those around me…and less time as the girl getting tossed about in the waves. I will continue to move in this direction, proving…if only to myself… that I am worthy of the life that I was given.
I am me, and I am proud of that.
PS. And while I no longer self-medicate with food or alcohol… I am NEVER giving up sex! Much love, my kinky friends ❤