Some kinky reading notes

Hello, my naughty friends!

Sir assigned me some reading last night, so I am providing my notes on the next two chapters of Real Service.  I should note that this book is mostly written toward the Master/slave dynamic.  On occasion the authors use the terms Dominant, submissive, and s-types.  You will note that I often write my notes as “Doms” and “submissives” as this is what is most relevant to my dynamic.  But should you happen to pick up this book, I wanted you all to be aware that is geared toward service slaves. 

In any case, I hope this is helpful!  I feel that I am learning a lot about service from this book, even if not every chapter is relevant to my dynamic.

XOXO,

nora

    

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Chapter Ten- Remedial Obedience

I struggled to appreciate this chapter initially, as I found the first assertion that the authors make to be somewhat alienating.  According to the authors, with a good s-type “there is no need for specific obedience training”.  Apparently, I am a bad s-type because I have needed lots of training in obedience.  Learning to obey, without question, has not been easy for me (and I still require a lot of attention from Sir in this area).  I think he would agree that requiring me to wear a plug to our morning sessions and keeping the hairbrush nearby have been good reminders to always have a pleasant, agreeable attitude with him…and to avoid questioning his authority, or complaining about his directives.   

In any case…

The authors state that some s-types will need training in obedience, especially if they are attached to submission as a fantasy role.  Some might also have bad habits from previous relationships or dysfunctional upbringings, or some may simply be immature or lack self-control. 

The authors also discuss s-types who have a lot of potential but who are acting out learned behavioral patterns (of which they are not aware).  The experienced Master or Dominant can bring this type of submissive to a headspace where they might flourish, but it will take substantial effort.  The authors note that these types of submissives often flourish from a very structured, controlled training environment.

Misdemeanors vs. Felonies

The authors make a distinction between different types of disobedience.  While Masters/Doms might work with a submissive on misdemeanors, the authors suggest that Masters/Doms might reconsider the dynamic when it comes to felony offenses. 

Some examples of misdemeanors include continually arguing with orders (for the joy of winning an argument), rules-lawyering (attempting to find a loop-hole in the rules), disobeying to see if a rule still stands, disobeying due to poor self-control, meeting the minimum standards for behavior, and refusing to acknowledge problematic behavior. 

Some examples of felonies include repeated or elaborate lying about substantial issues, breaking rules regarding sexual activities with others, drug or alcohol abuse, untreated mental illness (the person refuses to get help), or acting manipulatively by threatening to expose a Dom/Master to his family, work, or the public.

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Chapter 11- Questioning Orders and Disagreeing with Respect

It will be inevitable that in some areas, the submissive may know more or have more information about a particular subject or task.  In a mature relationship, the submissive should be able to respectfully communicate this information.  However, offering a differing opinion or suggestion may be a privilege that the submissive must earn over time. 

Most reasonable Master/Doms will allow a certain amount of questioning, especially for clarification.  Master/Doms must be explicit in their directions, so that submissives do not need to ask many clarification questions. Doms might maintain stronger control the situation by giving directives followed up with, “Do you understand?”.

Note to submissives: If you must question your Dom, do so respectfully in a way that does not challenge him.  You also might try, “may I please offer an alternate solution?” though you must respect if your Dom says “no” to your request. 

Voicing emotional discomfort regarding an order is different from voicing disagreement with an order.  One M/s couple worked out a series of phrases to help the submissive be successful with this.  For example, if there is no problem with the order, the submissive answers “Yes, Sir.”  But, if there is something that the submissive feels uncomfortable with, she might answer “If it pleases you, Sir.”  If there is something the submissive is VERY uncomfortable doing, she might answer “Only if it pleases you, Sir.”  These sorts of strategies may be beneficial in supporting the power exchange dynamic.   

In my opinion, if a submissive can’t communicate respectively to her Dom…he can always use the soap in her mouth to remind her that the words and tone she uses matter…