Some kinky reading notes

Hello, my naughty friends!

Sir assigned me some reading last night, so I am providing my notes on the next two chapters of Real Service.  I should note that this book is mostly written toward the Master/slave dynamic.  On occasion the authors use the terms Dominant, submissive, and s-types.  You will note that I often write my notes as “Doms” and “submissives” as this is what is most relevant to my dynamic.  But should you happen to pick up this book, I wanted you all to be aware that is geared toward service slaves. 

In any case, I hope this is helpful!  I feel that I am learning a lot about service from this book, even if not every chapter is relevant to my dynamic.

XOXO,

nora

    


Chapter Ten- Remedial Obedience

I struggled to appreciate this chapter initially, as I found the first assertion that the authors make to be somewhat alienating.  According to the authors, with a good s-type “there is no need for specific obedience training”.  Apparently, I am a bad s-type because I have needed lots of training in obedience.  Learning to obey, without question, has not been easy for me (and I still require a lot of attention from Sir in this area).  I think he would agree that requiring me to wear a plug to our morning sessions and keeping the hairbrush nearby have been good reminders to always have a pleasant, agreeable attitude with him…and to avoid questioning his authority, or complaining about his directives.   

In any case…

The authors state that some s-types will need training in obedience, especially if they are attached to submission as a fantasy role.  Some might also have bad habits from previous relationships or dysfunctional upbringings, or some may simply be immature or lack self-control. 

The authors also discuss s-types who have a lot of potential but who are acting out learned behavioral patterns (of which they are not aware).  The experienced Master or Dominant can bring this type of submissive to a headspace where they might flourish, but it will take substantial effort.  The authors note that these types of submissives often flourish from a very structured, controlled training environment.

Misdemeanors vs. Felonies

The authors make a distinction between different types of disobedience.  While Masters/Doms might work with a submissive on misdemeanors, the authors suggest that Masters/Doms might reconsider the dynamic when it comes to felony offenses. 

Some examples of misdemeanors include continually arguing with orders (for the joy of winning an argument), rules-lawyering (attempting to find a loop-hole in the rules), disobeying to see if a rule still stands, disobeying due to poor self-control, meeting the minimum standards for behavior, and refusing to acknowledge problematic behavior. 

Some examples of felonies include repeated or elaborate lying about substantial issues, breaking rules regarding sexual activities with others, drug or alcohol abuse, untreated mental illness (the person refuses to get help), or acting manipulatively by threatening to expose a Dom/Master to his family, work, or the public.


Chapter 11- Questioning Orders and Disagreeing with Respect

It will be inevitable that in some areas, the submissive may know more or have more information about a particular subject or task.  In a mature relationship, the submissive should be able to respectfully communicate this information.  However, offering a differing opinion or suggestion may be a privilege that the submissive must earn over time. 

Most reasonable Master/Doms will allow a certain amount of questioning, especially for clarification.  Master/Doms must be explicit in their directions, so that submissives do not need to ask many clarification questions. Doms might maintain stronger control the situation by giving directives followed up with, “Do you understand?”.

Note to submissives: If you must question your Dom, do so respectfully in a way that does not challenge him.  You also might try, “may I please offer an alternate solution?” though you must respect if your Dom says “no” to your request. 

Voicing emotional discomfort regarding an order is different from voicing disagreement with an order.  One M/s couple worked out a series of phrases to help the submissive be successful with this.  For example, if there is no problem with the order, the submissive answers “Yes, Sir.”  But, if there is something that the submissive feels uncomfortable with, she might answer “If it pleases you, Sir.”  If there is something the submissive is VERY uncomfortable doing, she might answer “Only if it pleases you, Sir.”  These sorts of strategies may be beneficial in supporting the power exchange dynamic.   

In my opinion, if a submissive can’t communicate respectively to her Dom…he can always use the soap in her mouth to remind her that the words and tone she uses matter…

 

35 thoughts on “Some kinky reading notes

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      1. 😆 You clearly get turned on by a number of things you don’t “enjoy.” I suppose it’s just the natural submissive in you getting off on being told to do something or behave a certain way and then breaking the rules so that you’re then “punished.” And sometimes actually punished. I could be wrong.

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        1. You have certainly got my number, my friend! I think my main kink is being held accountable for my behavior. And for me, that means really being punished when I misbehave…something that is not enjoyable (like mouth soaping, or a hard spanking). I’ve never really been into “funishments”.

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              1. Actually, I’m referring to my treatment of subs/kinky sex partners. In stories and real life. I doubt I’m a masochist. Haha. I can dish it out but I can’t take it! Actually I don’t know what I can take. I’ve not had more than a little spanking. 😁

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  1. this is a fantastic and rich summary of this book. I love how thorough you have been and also how you have processed it into your own dynamic. The soap thing is very effective.

    It is funny, but obedience is one of the easiest things that come for me–to not be obedient would hurt me…I love that you have wild and rebellious tendencies…

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    1. I imagine us s-types are all different in this way, my friend. There are some instances in which I obey easily…but there are others that are much harder for me. I am working very hard to stop questioning, Sir, or whining when he gives me an order. He’s noticed that this tends to usually happen in the morning, when I am still sleepy. We’ve both noticed some improvement in my obedience though, thankfully. His methods have been very effective.

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      1. It may also be that you get to interact with Sir with frequency…I do not get that same constant flow of attention, though I think about Mistress all the time…and look for ways to serve her in my daily life…and our contact grows. The best part of it, though, is feeling as if someone finally sees me as I am.

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        1. That could be it. But I think that fundamentally, you may be more submissive than I am (is it okay to make that observation? Please tell me to bugger off if not). I struggle to submit. My natural personality is actually quite dominant. However… I crave the feeling that giving my submission gives me. I desire giving the gift my submission to the right dominant person. So…these two parts of myself are often at odds with each other. Smiles. I am lucky to get as much time as I do with Sir. We speak every morning and I often get to speak to him in the early afternoon as well. May I ask how often you get to see Mistress?

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          1. Hi Nora…I see her about once a month. While not at the beginning, I am now into much more frequent conversation with her as I am entering her service…and am what I guess we know as a service submissive. It happens that we share some common passions, and she has me working on those on her behalf…I also do little things for her all the time, and these give me the chance to contact her.

            I don’t know if I am more or less submissive…my wife would say I am insanely bossy, but the reality is that she is the one who commands.

            I did tell Mistress that if she is willing to lead I will go anywhere she takes me, and will always try to please her and follow, and when I can’t I will say so and we will talk about it. We have agreed to go very, very slow, and in reality, I think I am an innocent, as the things we do together that trigger me are so mild compared to what I read about people doing…I can just sit next to her and start crying.

            But Nora, it is really weird. I have a serious position in life, and have run public companies…but my submission was never so acute–though in my last company it was a warm-hearted joke that I couldn’t make a company speech without getting choked up.

            I want to understand on one level, all of this, from a rational perspective, but on another, I just want to feel, and surrender to the feeling. That is what she is focussing on teaching me now…how to be present in my body, how to let go, how to get into that space and stay there.

            I have asked that she be my guide and that we not set any preconceived ideas on what submission means…that we will take things one step at a time and see how far it can go.

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            1. Your connection with her is so beautiful, my friend! I love that the two of you are working on you learning to surrender to those feelings. I do understand wanting to rationally understand where these feelings come from but perhaps it is enough that they merely exist and we get to enjoy them. I am looking forward to hearing more. I am curious…does she read your blog? I was wondering if writing was one of your acts of service to her….

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              1. Hi Nora, I hope you don’t mind that my spell check keeps capitalising your name! I am blessed to have someone to accept my submission, and I cherish that very much. She does know about the blog, though I don’t know how much of it she reads. In a way, at least for some of the posts, they are a way of talking to her without writing her an email–email has. away of demanding a response, and sometimes I just want her to see inside my head/feelings/etc without troubling her with the need to respond…as I know that the more open I am the more open we can be, and the more powerful our time together. The blog is an act of service to me. The They with whom I was exploring possible submission to before meeting Mistress was the one who I first broached the subject of writing a blog as a way to process my thoughts and feelings. She insisted that it be mine, and she was wise to say so.

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                1. I think that is fantastic, my friend! I use my blog similarly (to some extent) though I didn’t start it for that reason. I am glad that Mistress reads your words…I imagine it gives her much insight into that beautiful mind of yours ❤

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  2. In my experience, Rules are there to be broken and then I can enjoy the rear end warming consequence’s of my actions. Perhaps I should write a book, “Prefectdt’s Big Book Of Bratting” 🙂

    Prefectdt

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  3. You make some excellent points. I find it a fundamentally flawed viewpoint that s-types are quote unquote “bad” for needing obedience training. Anything that assigns morality to things that inherently have no morality is fundamentally flawed. However I got a kick out of the felonies vs misdemeanor title. I was like “this is my time to shine.” Lol. Anyway great assessment of the book. I look forward to more!

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    1. I was surprised to see that, Grace (the part about “good” s-types), but I am learning a lot from this book. Perhaps I took that a bit more seriously than the authors intended. LOL…I got a kick out of felonies and misdemeanors too. Thank you for your continued readership! You must be about ready to pop by now! When is the little miss expected?

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      1. She’s supposed to be here in about 2 weeks. But also one of the ladies in my delivery/lactation group was due two days before me and she had her baby two days ago. I’m ready now, but this is on her time not mine.

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  4. Though the power dynamics in DD scenes are fundamental, and I also enjoy that for just sexual foreplay, I’ve never considered D/s to be a lifestyle for me. I don’t identify as a Dom or sub or have aspirations along those lines. So whatever this book is saying, I can’t argue for or against the point of it all. As long as everything’s consensual, whatever floats the boat. It’s interesting nevertheless, and it sounds like you’re taking whatever applies to you as helpful and good to know. Your academic approach to things is sexy. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have to say I loved the felonies and misdemeanors, I know I would push at times or shall I say be bratty to get my way. I think it had a lot more to do with wanting more time and attention because we couldn’t always see each other. Can’t wait to see what else you have to share from this book.

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    1. Thank you, Storm! I know that I can be a bit bratty at times too. I try very hard to curb this…but sometimes my inner little girl comes out and she can be pouty! Thank you for reading 🙂

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    1. Hi Thomas! It is very surprising to me how corporal punishment (or any discipline really) has not been a part of this book so far. For someone who is all about discipline, this has been disappointing!

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  6. It just seems to be that if there are agreed upon rules for the submissive and if she is to demonstrate that at all times, even including her manner of speech when she disagrees, there Must be consequences if she disobeys.

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    1. I fully agree, my friend! So far, the only real suggestion (in this book) that I have seen is to talk to the submissive about their misbehavior. While I certainly think a good talking-to is helpful, for me, it is much more effective when followed up with corporal punishment. But I recognize that every dynamic is different…they don’t all include physical discipline….just like they don’t all include a sexual component.

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