A D/s journal entry on humiliation #18+, NSFW

As I’ve shared recently, new daily structure has been implemented for me, designed to keep my focus on my submission and to help me grow. On Saturdays, I am to write a D/s-themed journal entry of my choosing. These are basically just my thoughts on some element of D/s and an exercise that I have completed for Sir in the past while away on vacation. For example, while I was traveling with Daddy recently, I was to write a D/s journal entry for Sir every other morning. This writing exercise has now become part of my weekly structure, to be completed on Saturdays. Today, I chose to write about humiliation.

Saturday: April 6, 2024

Humiliation is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission.  Often, humiliation causes the individual to lose their grip on their image of themselves, and image that they try desperately to control and project.  Many of my fellow kinksters discuss the topic of humiliation, and in fact, for some, this is their primary kink. 

I crave, and I would even say… I need… a strong man to take-me-in-hand, to hold me accountable, and to spank me when I misbehave.  That is my primary kink.  However, the nature of my kink is incredibly embarrassing.  Spanking works on a girl like me, as it serves as a deterrent for bad behavior.  For example, when I didn’t feel like working out earlier, I thought of the spanking I might earn from Sir if I didn’t…and I pushed myself to complete my workout.

Spanking works on me.  But how humiliating is that?  It is embarrassing on so many levels.  First, it is embarrassing that I need the threat of a spanking at times to motivate me to complete five workouts each week and to follow my other rules.  But second, how humiliating is it that a girl, no…a woman, like me…a college professor in her 40s, has her bottom bared and soundly spanked when she misbehaves?  It is VERY embarrassing, humiliating even.

I wish I could say that my humiliation stops at spanking, but it doesn’t.  Sir quite enjoys giving me reason to feel various levels of embarrassment, and freely tells me that he believes it to be good for me.  For example, during our Zoom session this week he made me remove my work pants and my panties, face away from him, and bend over and hold my ankles.  I obeyed him and as I stood there, bent in half, acutely aware of how displayed I was before him, I thought…my goodness…what if my students could see me now? What would they think if they knew the kind of degradation that I willingly, and quite often, endured?  Oh, how my cheeks were burning when he called me back over to face him (the ones on my face 😊).  In this same session he also enjoyed having me face away from him again and rub coconut oil into my bare cheeks (NOT the ones on my face 😊) as he’s learned that this offers extra sting during a spanking (if you haven’t experienced this, it’s akin to receiving a spanking on a wet bottom). And all of this occurred before he sent me to fetch the paddle and then used it to spank me to tears.

As I reflect on these experiences, I wonder about the nature of humiliation and my own reactions to this state. Why do I experience Sir’s humiliations of me with both mortification AND sexual arousal? 

A question for the ages, I suppose. Would love to hear your thoughts, my kinky friends.

XOXO,

nora