Sex with a stranger

The title I chose for this post makes me think of dark alleys, secluded beaches, and trails deep within the woods.  My breath catches a bit as I imagine following a handsome stranger into the darkness, knowing that he will want me to kneel before him and take him in my mouth.  Or, perhaps he will bend me over, ripping my panties to the side, thrusting himself into my obliging cunny.  Oh, a girl can dream!

And as you all know, this girl has quite the imagination 😊

Unfortunately, this post is not quite as exciting as all that.  But I want to write about this as I imagine others have experienced it… and it is very hard, emotionally.  Devastating even.

If you follow this blog, you know that Daddy is suffering a life-threatening health condition.  My big, strong man has lost a third of his body weight in a matter of four weeks.  All of his muscle tone is gone, and he walks with a bit of a hunch now as he is in constant pain.  Even his hands and wrists are smaller, and they feel like the hands of a stranger on my body.  When I hug Daddy…he is all skin and bones.  The reality is…after nearly 20 years together, Daddy’s body feels like that of a stranger to me.  I cry as I write this for you.  This is hard. 

But Daddy insists we still be intimate.  While he is unable to properly fuck me right now, he still desires to give me pleasure.  He uses his hands and his mouth, and he knows my body inside and out.  But on my end…he feels like a different person entirely.  And when we tried to be intimate recently, I broke down sobbing.  Daddy held me and tried to offer me comfort.  He loves me so damn much.  He is the one with the life-threatening illness, and there he was… trying to kiss my tears away during this time.  I felt so fucking selfish… being worried about our sex life, and if we would ever truly have one again, when he is going through so much. 

I am trying to treat myself with grace and compassion.  I am a sexual being.  It is only natural that I would worry that my sex life with my husband might be over.  I try to focus on being grateful that Daddy is alive and here with me.  I try to focus on being grateful for all of the doctors and nurses who worked so hard to save his life over the Christmas holiday.  But some days it is harder than others to move through the day with grace. 

So, to those of you who have experienced chronic health issues, either you or your partner, please know that I have much empathy for you.  It is hard to see your partner change so drastically and so quickly.  While the loss of our sex life is just a small part of things, it is nevertheless, significant to me as a sexual being. 

I am not giving up, my friends.  Please don’t let that be the takeaway here.  I am hopeful that we will beat this, that Daddy will heal, and that some day down the line we will fuck our brains out like two horny teenagers.  There is always hope and I know that the sun will shine again.  This is just one of the many storms of life and we will weather this storm together ❤

With love,


58 thoughts on “Sex with a stranger

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  1. My heart goes out to you nora. I have had many friends who have suffered long term illnesses but none I’ve been intimate with. I think the tears were not only about maybe losing your sex life with your Daddy but the fear of losing him. Very understandable

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes, you are right, my friend. I am very afraid of losing my husband. He is my world. I am grateful that he appears to be winning this battle at the moment. We are working very hard to get him on a transplant list. This sort of thing sure makes you grateful for each day ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hang in there Nora and don’t lose yourself or who and what you are. That isn’t being selfish it is self preservation. I can’t imagine how this feels and am fortunate not to have experienced it but I am sending love and hugs your way and hoping he gets stronger each day. xx

    Liked by 3 people

  3. The reality of the situation you and Daddy are in is so very hard to comprehend, even for those people who have gone through similar situations. Every personal situation is unique in the suffering and pain that it brings with it, not just to the person with the illness but with the one who has to stand back and watch and feel helpless to do anything. There is a silence to the suffering of the carer/partner that wraps itself around our pain because we often don’t think we are entitled to feel that pain or have it acknowledged. Afterall, we aren’t the ones who are ill.
    When I read this post, that was what I read, I read that you feel selfish for grieving over the disappearance of the man you have shared your life and your body intimately with for almost 20 years. But, it’s at times like the one you describe that the enormity of your situation hits you all over again. You are entitled to those overwhelming feelings of loss for your known life.
    You are suffering just as much but in a different way. Please keep talking about your pain, please keep the channels open so that you can vent safely, please keep reaching out because Nora, you need to. You are completely entitled to feel the length and breadth of the emotions you are dealing with. It’s your life too.
    There is no solution as to how you deal with the pain, other than to do what you’re already doing. I wish I could hug you right now. Seriously.
    I’m sending you so much love Nora, I hope somehow it gives you a little strength at least. 💖💖💖

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Gemma…this beautiful comment brought so many tears. Thank you, dear woman… I sure love you. While our situations may be different, I know you have suffered as I suffer now, and that you will most likely suffer again. You have such a beautiful spirit, dear Gemma. Thank you for being a friend. I am very sorry I haven’t written lately. I’m trying not to lose myself in sadness and some days that means doing projects until I drop dead of exhaustion. I’ll write soon, I promise. I hope all is well in your world, my beautiful friend. XOXO

      Liked by 2 people

      1. HUGS! Nora, there is no pressure honey, you write when you can and when you can’t, keep writing here. You have this safe space here where you can vent, I’m so glad you use it!
        That’s all that matters, just keep feeling heard. It helps like nothing else can. Love you girl. 💖💖💖

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It was probably not the sex or the changes in your sexual like that actually triggered your upset. It was probably just the physical reminder and reality of the scares you’ve both been enduring with his health. It’s easy to overlook changes in physical being when they’re hidden away by our clothes but when you’re laying naked with someone you love and you can see and feel the differences in them and there is no more hiding from them it can sometimes be a trigger for the deep emotional fear and worry you’re carrying. I’ve experienced that with Darling when his migraines were so severe for a month that he lost almost 20lbs in 3 weeks. It’s a low level hum in the back of your head you ignore and push aside while living and caring for yourself and your partner. But then you have a trigger and it’s like something breaks and you’re a mess and you can’t even explain why. *hugs* You’re not selfish, not at all, and I’m sure he sees you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is heartbreaking but honestly as the one who’s always been ‘the stranger’ I think loved ones do have it worse. We’re fighting for life which gives us a purpose whereas try as you might there’s not really anything you can do for daddy. Loved ones are powerless where as we have a blinkered determination to survive which actually helps us through. Plus he may not realise the full extent of how different he looks. I didn’t at the tint and it was only when looking at photographs that I understood what others could see … stay strong xxxx


    1. I do feel powerless most days, Shropsgirl. That is probably the biggest theme throughout this all….feeling powerless and out of control. I am doing what I can do help Daddy (cooking a specific diet, helping him stay organized with appointments) but it doesn’t feel like enough. I am really sorry to hear that you are going through something similar. Sending lots of love and hugs your way ❤


      1. I’m out the other end now and it can get better I promise! But the best thing you can do is be an incredible advocate for daddy … he’s busy staying alive so you can be busy making sure he has the best care EVER…. Have you seen the blindside? Be the mum in that so all daddy has to do is get well! Manage the path ahead xx

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh, believe me, girl… Sandra Bullock ain’t got nothing on this girl! Smiles. I have been advocating for Daddy’s care and things are good in that department. I just have to remember to turn that off and be gentle with him when he is here. I am really glad to hear you are on the other end of your health scare…that is great news! Thank you for the support 🙂


  6. It’s easy to spiral with feelings of loss and fear and it is totally okay to have those feelings. However, still try to focus on the fact that your husband is still alive and that you can still joke with him and that you can still share your memories with him. Our life is not not a guarantee. Cherish it with love and gratitude.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It takes a lot of strength to speak to this. I admire you for having done so and I send my sincere hopes and wishes that this ultimately ends up being a road hump in an otherwise long and happy journey with you and your beloved Daddy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hope is my anchor.
    With hope there is light down the road. Don’t lose that light.
    It is field by your shared love. With the strength of that love your flame will burn eternal.
    Be well, stay safe, take care of yourself and your man.


  9. Hugs. Can’t imagine how difficult this is but seems like there is a lot of love, imagination, inventiveness and eroticism btwn you two that you guys will pull through.


  10. It breaks my heart to know that he is not doing better, my thoughts and prayers are with you both for you to get through this and for your Daddy to be healed. Sending so much love your way .

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Words are hard to come by. I’m so sorry to read this. Both my wife and I have been battling with health issues, but we’re lucky that she is doing much better now. Nothing is tougher than seeing the person who means everything to you struggling with a life-threatening illness. I can only hope that your husband beats whatever it is that is plaguing him.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. It was hard to read this post. Always so light and airy, Nora, who writes so cheerfully about sex, suddenly shared her grief. I hope you manage to overcome this ordeal and the sun will shine on you again.

    Liked by 1 person

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