The title I chose for this post makes me think of dark alleys, secluded beaches, and trails deep within the woods. My breath catches a bit as I imagine following a handsome stranger into the darkness, knowing that he will want me to kneel before him and take him in my mouth. Or, perhaps he will bend me over, ripping my panties to the side, thrusting himself into my obliging cunny. Oh, a girl can dream!
And as you all know, this girl has quite the imagination 😊
Unfortunately, this post is not quite as exciting as all that. But I want to write about this as I imagine others have experienced it… and it is very hard, emotionally. Devastating even.
If you follow this blog, you know that Daddy is suffering a life-threatening health condition. My big, strong man has lost a third of his body weight in a matter of four weeks. All of his muscle tone is gone, and he walks with a bit of a hunch now as he is in constant pain. Even his hands and wrists are smaller, and they feel like the hands of a stranger on my body. When I hug Daddy…he is all skin and bones. The reality is…after nearly 20 years together, Daddy’s body feels like that of a stranger to me. I cry as I write this for you. This is hard.
But Daddy insists we still be intimate. While he is unable to properly fuck me right now, he still desires to give me pleasure. He uses his hands and his mouth, and he knows my body inside and out. But on my end…he feels like a different person entirely. And when we tried to be intimate recently, I broke down sobbing. Daddy held me and tried to offer me comfort. He loves me so damn much. He is the one with the life-threatening illness, and there he was… trying to kiss my tears away during this time. I felt so fucking selfish… being worried about our sex life, and if we would ever truly have one again, when he is going through so much.
I am trying to treat myself with grace and compassion. I am a sexual being. It is only natural that I would worry that my sex life with my husband might be over. I try to focus on being grateful that Daddy is alive and here with me. I try to focus on being grateful for all of the doctors and nurses who worked so hard to save his life over the Christmas holiday. But some days it is harder than others to move through the day with grace.
So, to those of you who have experienced chronic health issues, either you or your partner, please know that I have much empathy for you. It is hard to see your partner change so drastically and so quickly. While the loss of our sex life is just a small part of things, it is nevertheless, significant to me as a sexual being.
I am not giving up, my friends. Please don’t let that be the takeaway here. I am hopeful that we will beat this, that Daddy will heal, and that some day down the line we will fuck our brains out like two horny teenagers. There is always hope and I know that the sun will shine again. This is just one of the many storms of life and we will weather this storm together ❤