Dipping our toes in polyamory

Hello, my kinky friends,

Hold on to your hats, because I am about to get deeply serious with you.  This is about as real as it gets.

I was brought up with the same fairy tale fed to most people of my generation… boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married…The End.  Tied up nicely with a big red bow.  Only, as anyone who has actually been married knows…the wedding is not the end of the story, in fact, it is only the beginning of the craziest freakin’ ride of your life. 

I love my husband and am grateful to be married to him.  After nearly 20 years together, I still enjoy his company more than any other person’s.  He is my best friend, my other half.  He is like a limb…without him, I would feel incomplete.  Daddy and I have managed to grow together over the last two decades, rather than grow apart as so many do and that is a beautiful thing.  We’ve had some pretty dark times, but most of our years together have been good ones.

Daddy and I are comfortable together.  We fit like an old glove and there is a lot of security in that.  I know that he would never intentionally hurt me, and I know he would never leave me.  If one day, we decide to end this marriage it would be because he and I made that choice together.  Sexy, right?  But this isn’t a fairy tale…this is real life. A real life that together we have built, brick by brick.  We have a true commitment between us.  Unconditional love and all that.

Daddy and I have had some pretty amazing times.  We had a great run with D/s a few years back which made us both feel alive again.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t something we could make work long term, just in short bursts…but damn, it sure was fun while we were trying.  We had the BEST sex during that time.

Speaking of D/s, it turns out that is a need for me, not a want.  Daddy understands this and he wants me to have everything that I need.  He has been very generous in allowing me to have a D/s dynamic with Sir.  And, if you are wondering, Daddy and I have had many conversations about Daddy’s unfulfilled needs/wants as well. 

To paint a clearer picture of the two of us, I will share that Daddy and I are night and day in many ways.  While I am a serious, quiet, intense person… Daddy is lighthearted, playful, and social.  While I can often be found with my nose stuck in a book or writing in my journal, Daddy prefers watching movies or sports.  While I need rules, structure, and organization… Daddy is more of a “fuck the rules” person.  Give him a rule and he is bound to break it.  He prefers spontaneity.  While I am a deeply sexual person and need sex almost daily, Daddy is more of a once-a-week kinda guy.  While we may be different in many ways, we also fit together well.  Opposites attract, as they say.

But we have come to realize that we each have needs that the other is not filling…and, I think we are both okay with this.  I am not sure it is realistic to believe that one person can meet all of my needs.  Neither of us feel that the grass is greener elsewhere…it is just different grass, with different advantages and disadvantages.  We are watering our own grass plenty with lots of open and honest communication. So…where am I going with this?

Daddy has a female friend.  They have been communicating for several weeks and have seen each other in person on a handful of occasions.  She is interested in getting to know me, and vice versa.  But my friends…this feels so strange sometimes!  I think I am handling it well, but every once in awhile it throws me for a loop.  For example, the other day…they had a five-hour phone conversation.  This reminded me of when I met Daddy and we couldn’t get enough of each other. God, those were good times.  It reminds me of Sir and I now…how we often email and talk on the phone throughout the day because it is just that damn exciting talking to someone new with whom you share a connection.  Beginnings are always the best.  But seeing your partner having a beginning with someone else…man, this polyamory stuff ain’t for the faint of heart.  You’ve got to be tough to handle this shit (pardon my French, but I was trying to make a point).  And it makes me admire Daddy so much for how gracefully he has handled the last eleven months, as I grew closer to Sir.

Will I be capable of handling this with such grace?

In any case… I guess I just needed to open the door on this conversation here in this space.  I am sure there will be times that I will need somewhere to vent frustrations and times I will want to celebrate all the love that is flowing.  Daddy and I continue to travel this crazy road together, and we are both exploring other connections along the way.  Maybe it will blow up in our faces, or maybe it will lead to an even deeper, more meaningful connection.  I guess time will tell.  What I do know is that it feels GOOD to be really living our lives, and not just existing.  I don’t have to hide parts of myself anymore, and neither does Daddy.

Hope that was real enough…another glimpse into my heart 😊

XOXO,

nora

            

61 thoughts on “Dipping our toes in polyamory

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  1. I’m holding on to my hat! This is some serious $#!+!

    I’m in no position to try to offer anything resembling wisdom on this. I think you’re totally justified in feeling unsettled and unsure. You’re also strong, fair and openminded. I just wish you the very best, and hope you’ll continue to share what you’re feeling. Big hugs, my friend.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for these words of support, Franz! I have my seat belt fastened and am ready for the wild ride ahead. Daddy and I are both level headed and I know that we will be okay. And I will continue sharing what I am feeling here…the good, the bad, and the ugly. Thank you for joining me on this trip 🙂 XOXO

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I will be honest, Christian… I was really enjoying having two men who adore me and take care of my various needs. Smiles. But, Daddy has needs too. Not sexual needs so much, but just the need to connect with a new person who flatters him and listens to him, makes him feel special. Not that I don’t do those things for him, but it is always more exciting when it is someone new. I totally get that and am going to do my best with being okay with it. I love how faithful you are to your goddess…she is lucky to have you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow Nora, there are bombshells and then there is this news! It’s in a category all of its own for WOW!! First off, let me just say I think you and Daddy are possibly the bravest sexiest couple I have ever had the good fortune to get to know (vicariously) through these posts and our talks. I did wonder when you began your D/s relationship with Sir how Daddy would deal with it long term. I guess the open communication lines have given you both something that you need where you would not have had that opportunity for growth any other way. I can’t begin to express my admiration for you both, it takes a very strong cohesive marriage to sustain the introduction of 2 other people into your lives. I know next to nothing about polyamory but I am going to assume that you make the rules to fit your own personal needs and circumstances. Seriously, I greatly admire what you are both prepared to do for each other to remain happy and content. You know I am always here Nora, if you need to vent, if you have worries that you don’t want to publicise, I’m here. You know all you have to do is email me and I will do my best for you my very, very brave friend. Just gonna say this one more time… WOW!! Love you girl! xxxx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for this very supportive comment, Gemma! I promise I will email you during those times I need a little extra support. I know this journey will be bumpy, but I am excited too. Not only do I get to continue getting to know my Sir in a very intimate way, but I am also getting to see my husband in a different light. It is cute how excited he gets when he talks to her. She helps him to really feel heard, and he is enjoying the new relationship energy. While I do follow some polyamory blogs and have friends here engaged in this sort of thing, this is all new to me (we are about 5 weeks in). But I think what you wrote is true… we will make the rules to fit our own needs and circumstances. Thank you for being so damn supportive. And I do feel brave this morning…like a warrior princess! We are playing with fire, and hoping not to get burned too badly. I think Daddy and I can do this. Love you back! XOXO

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      1. oh hell Nora, I am possibly as excited as you are to see how much you gain from this new direction. I love how brave and intrepid you are where you and Daddy are concerned. I would wish for only happiness for both of you with each other and also with your respective partnerships. Like Marie said, You GO Girl! Life is definitely too short to pull brakes and say ‘um we shouldn’t do that cos it ain’t written in the rules!’ Chuck the rule book away and make your own guidelines that make you and Daddy happy and fulfilled! Sincerely, I hope this is the best experience ever for you both. 💖💖💖

        Liked by 1 person

        1. We have definitely chucked the rule book on traditional marriage! What we haven’t chucked is our mutual respect for one another, and the deep love we both feel. I know that we can make this work. And, if I am wrong…well damn, we will have had a great time LIVING our lives. Thank you for being so supportive! It really means a lot! XOXO

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Good for you both Nora! Love it! And yes, it can be hard to watch and be ok. What you have to do is remember he’s your BFF. And because you want each other to be happy with AND without you, you need to be ok with this….. it like everything, communication is the biggest part of it all. The two of you need to talk about what’s developing, your feelings about it, and get through it together. And if at any point there’s problems, you and he have to come first. I know you got this though, so I’ll end with: you go girl! Have fun! Hugs, Marie

    Liked by 2 people

    1. YES, YES, YES to all of this! Thank you, Marie. I know that you and your husband have enjoyed this sort of dynamic together and I am really grateful that you chimed in this morning. I do feel a certain amount of happiness, knowing how exciting and fulfilling this is for him. Above all else, I just want Daddy to be happy. This life is so short… and I truly believe you have to grab your happiness where you can find it. Daddy is my BFF and he always will be. Thank you for this message this morning… I really needed to hear this. Love, nora XOXO

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Nora – above all, you have to remember this isn’t (exactly) about you. It’s about BOTH of you. Meaning…. You can choose to be jealous of what he gains in another person’s companionship or even think that means you “aren’t enough” OR you can be happy, share in the excitement and the new-ness of it all, and join in the experience – however or whatever “joining” may mean. It might give you/Daddy more to talk about too – so now over dinner you have a more lively conversation between you both.

        I’m here for you and I’m glad you value my comments, as do I value yours!
        Marie

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you, Marie! I have definitely noticed how we have more to talk about now…and exciting (and hard) things too. I will have to really be mindful of my jealousy. I do feel happiness for him, but I do get a touch of that “am I enough for him?” feel too.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I can offer zero advice. I have not developed anything close to this in my life. Like the others who have offered a bone, the open communication route seems to be the only route to take. Without it we are all sunk. Keep opening up to him and encourage him do the same. I think you guys will be ok. He comes first like you said and no matter what or who comes along, the two of you remain. I hope it all works out the way you hope it does. Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, MJ! Yes, Daddy does come first, and he assures me that I come first in his life. If anyone can make this work, the two of us can. Thank you for being supportive. I know this is probably way out of your comfort zone. I really appreciate you keeping an open mind. Big hugs back to you! XOXO

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank for sharing and being open and vulnerable. It is scary. I don’t know what I would do in your shoes, or whether I could handle it. I fall back on the importance of rules and boundaries. Marriage is a commitment, but we don’t need the institution to make the commitment. And it is grossly unfair to expect of someone that they fulfil us in all ways…an impossibility that leads to frustration. Understanding comes through communication. Understanding comes through self-awareness. It feels important and right to act with feeling that is not purely self-motivated–and to understand why you need a certain thing, and how your wanting that thing can be made to be good for those to whom we have commitments. Friendship, companionship, household-sharing, sex, confidence building, nurturing, belly-filling, laughter…these are all fundamental needs that we must all find to be happy. So too, work. Taking steps to make sure that these things are nourished in our lives, and not expecting them to come from anywhere but the self, is how we become strong, and grounded. You are a wonderful voice here. Honesty is purity. The pure shall inherit the earth.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So you said he has a new “friend”… I think I need to know what that means. Is this a FWB? Is this a “girlfriend”? Is it/will it be sexual between them? If yes, would you occasionally be invited to participate? …. I have ALL the questions, these are the just the beginning lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL… I knew you would ask for details! So, for right now…they are just friends. And, that may be all they ever are. This is a person that Daddy knew a long time ago. They worked together. While he is attracted to her (she is younger, and she is pretty), he is mostly attracted to having common interests with her (at least, at this point). They are not having a physical relationship, but there is emotionally intimacy there. The three of us have not hung out together yet, though she and I have spoken on the phone (and I met her briefly a long time ago). So…looking into the future, and I have no idea if things will ever progress in this way… but IF they had a sexual relationship, I think I would want to join them at some point. She is physically attractive to me too… she has darker features, which I like, and she has this quiet intensity about her (kinda like me). She also has a sexy voice on the phone. But good lord, the woman swears like a sailor. LOL. So, that’s all I can really answer about that sort of stuff at this point. Daddy and I are moving slowly. It took ten months for him to be okay with me starting to sexually submit to, Sir. We definitely take our sweet time making these sorts of decisions.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. And so you should take your time with that!
        Thanks for answering my questions 🙂
        Sir’s best friend is a female. It’s platonic. They’ve known each other forever. I haven’t met her yet. It’s platonic and always will be with them though.
        It took us a good year of talking about adding others sexually. We’ve had two threesomes so far (same girl). He hasn’t found the right male to fulfill my dp fantasy yet lol but we are swinging with a couple this weekend! That should be fun.
        Neither of us is interested in having anything outside the two of us though. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Thank you for sharing, Miss D! I think Daddy and I are looking for something beyond play partners. We are both seeking other emotional connections that may include a physical aspect. For example, we are talking through the possibility of me meeting Sir in person…and that was completely off the table when we first entered into this. We are taking things slow. I imagine that my husband’s friendship with this woman will remain platonic, but I am open to it possibly being more. XOXO

          Liked by 1 person

    1. I really appreciate you chiming in here, Bogey. You give me hope that we can make this work. I think that I am probably more jealous than my husband, so I will really have to work on reigning that in. But I think we can do this and have some pretty hot adventures, and still make our marriage work. I am not sure that I am talking about sex either. Sir and I are long-distance, so everything we do is virtual or on the phone. And at this point, my husband is enjoying just having a friendship with this woman…another person to connect with, and be able to talk to. And that might be all it ever is. XOXO

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      1. I love that your relationship is strong enough and there is enough communication for this! Realizing that the Disney princess-Pinterest board fantasy isnt always what happens. And 1:1 ration relationships aren’t always completely fulfilling for both parties. Opening up your relationship can be hard though. But you’re not a jealous person any uncertainty you’re feeling is normal. Humans are possessive over who/what they love. However, If you keep communication honest and stay within your partners limits I think this will be beautiful and I’m so happy for you and your husband.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you, Grace Marie! I was wondering how you felt about polyamory. It took me a good part of my 20’s to get over the Disney princess fantasy marriage stuff…as a gal in my 40s, I don’t have time for that nonsense! LOL. I am excited about our new journey 🙂

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  7. It’s wonderful that you are on this exciting journey, Nora. In my humble opinion, as long as the conversation stays open, and you always touch base with each other again, making your primary connection take priority over anything else, this can work. Looking forward to read more.
    ~ Marie xox

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Marie! It really helps to hear from and receive guidance from people who have been here, and especially given how much I know you love and adore Master T. Thank you for being such a great blogging friend… I really value our interactions ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hell, yeah – polyamory in any form is some stuff that ain’t for the faint of heart. I know, first hand, that this is the ultimate relationship and one that takes being married and monogamous look both boring as hell but way harder than being married can be. It is… enlightening to be free to feel whatever you want to for others and knowing that your partner is more than okay with it since they have the same freedoms. It is, as I called it once, an amazingly delightful pain in the ass because while the sex and other intimacies are worth the effort it takes to be in such a relationship, managing it can be a bitch and especially for the person who gets “volunteered” to take care of this part of the poly relationship.

    It was the most insane thing I’ve ever been a part of… and one of the greatest things that happened to me. Better than just being married and monogamous and much harder to do. I’ve told others that if you’re not grown up enough and are faint of heart, don’t even go here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really appreciate you sharing this, kdaddy! I feel like Daddy and I’s marriage can handle this, but I guess time will tell. It is unbelievably complicated to manage so many sets of feelings. But…damn, it sure has been fun so far! XOXO

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      1. Yeah, I found that dealing the different personalities, wants, needs, desires, etc., would keep me constantly on my toes and despite the complexity, it was fun. You get a greater sense of belonging to something that’s not only outside of tradition and convention but much bigger than what tradition and convention provides.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I have never been successful in making a one to one relationship work, let alone a polyamorous one. So I do not feel qualified to offer advice or even an opinion on this, one way or the other. May I suggest, though, that you seek out the views of those who have extensive experiences of polyamory and see what they have to say about your situation

    Prefectdt

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I was gobsmacked by this post, AND the conversation afterwards. Am I the only one who found it interesting that you know all about her voice and the fact that she swears like a sailor?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This is an interesting development for you and one that I think a lot of people will want to follow along with you. It is not an easy thing to find compersion and to manage the feelings that we have been conditioned to have. I am sure that with the love you have you will manage though. Missy x

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I really enjoyed this, Nora. Given my own kinks, I can identify with you are sharing. The type of love you and your husband share is deepest of all loves – consummate love. What most people tend to think of when imagine or “feel” love is romantic love. This is the euphoric rush we feel when connecting deeply with a new person. This will fade and we need to have the emotional maturity to know that this fiery romantic love is like a shooting star at best. You and your husband will endure and at the same time allow one another to experience shooting stars that will eventually dissipate.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Wow! How brave and open-minded you both are. I sure hope it works out OK.

    Of course, one’s mind (at least mine!) runs to all sorts of possibilities involving spanking! Would you like to watch him spank her? Or vice versa? That’s just my devious side — you have other issues to consider first.

    The gigantic elephants in the room are obviously the potential for jealousy and the possibility of feeling betrayed.

    Very best to you in this new adventure.

    Graham

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Graham! I somehow missed the notification on this comment, sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I would LOVE to watch Daddy spank another woman, and perhaps… to have a chance to spank her myself. I’m not sure this will all go that route, time will tell. For now, we are just exploring the connection and taking things slow. Thank you for your words of support 🙂

      Like

  14. If the last four years has taught me anything never say never and don’t be surprised when the universe gives you gifts you never imagined.

    Congratulations and best wishes for this next stage of your adventure.

    Like

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