Today, I failed to meet a goal I had set for myself. Failure doesn’t feel very good, in fact… I feel awful right now. I am in tears and feeling so much pressure. In reflection, I know that I could have worked harder at this. There has been quite a bit going on lately…scary things, hard things, challenging things… but that’s really no excuse. I failed to prioritize this goal, this commitment, and now…instead of being done with it, it continues to loom over me.
I need to do better and be more self-disciplined. But right now… I feel like I am falling apart. Everything just feels really hard. Daddy has been gone so much lately and conditions in CA have been less than ideal for weeks (extreme temperatures, smokey). But it’s more than that…this project is stretching me, pushing me in ways that I never thought possible. I am so close and yet… it feels unattainable. I feel like a fraud, like a wannabe.
I don’t want to give up, I can’t give up… I have come way too far for that. I know that I can do this.
I’m guessing that many of you have felt this way at times. Don’t give up my friends. Moving forward is the only way. The sun WILL shine on your life again…the storm WILL pass.
The song below is one that came to me randomly, many years ago (back in the MySpace days!). It just feels fitting today. Many of our problems are illusions…and I know that in this case, my biggest obstacle is myself.
I also want to send out a big thank you to everyone who reads this post. I appreciate you all so much. In some of the darkest days of my life, people from this community have reached out and shown me compassion and empathy. I don’t take that for granted, my friends. And on the better days, the happy days…you have reached out and left me naughty, delightful comments, which are also much appreciated by this kinky girl.
Trying to see the light,