I have been thinking about my own “kinks” quite a bit lately. I used to think that my kink was spanking (and in a big way…it is), but I have realized that there is a bit more to it than that. Because my spanking fantasies always center around the same thing…discipline. Discipline that is meted out for misbehavior or disobedience. If my fantasies, there is always a naughty girl who is soundly disciplined for her misbehavior…through spanking, mouth soaping, figging, corner time, writing lines, or some form of humiliation (such as being made to stand on a stool with her panties pulled down in the center of the room). She is held accountable for her actions. The point of view in my fantasy sometimes changes…at times, I imagine the spanking from the point of view of the naughty girl getting the discipline spanking, but often it is from the point of view of someone watching (the Spanker, a friend, family member, another authority figure).
Having dialed down my particular spanking kink…discipline spanking and accountability… I started thinking about obedience, as spanking in my world IS the result of disobedience or misbehavior. To me, the idea of being made to obey someone is sexy as hell. It is a huge turn on…but in actual practice, it is hard! There are many days where I just don’t feel like making the bed (surely you have these days?) or cleaning the kitchen (obedience to my husband) or adhering to a super early bedtime (obedience to my Sir). While the idea of obeying or submitting is THRILLING, I find that actually following through is hard for me sometimes.
This makes me question my own submissiveness. I know it may sound like I am not serious about my submission…but I really am. This is not a game to me. I REALLY want to learn to be better at this. Sacrificing my own wants or needs in the moment, to please another, is very appealing to me at this point in my life. I think it will be good for me to learn this. For most of my life, I have been a very “in control” type person. Many of the people around me have worked hard to meet my needs, to please me. I now seek balance…and wish to be the person on the other side of things, meeting the needs of those around me…and submitting to their wants and needs.
Lost in self-reflection on this beautiful afternoon. Hoping you are well, my kinky friends!