I have been thinking about my own “kinks” quite a bit lately. I used to think that my kink was spanking (and in a big way…it is), but I have realized that there is a bit more to it than that. Because my spanking fantasies always center around the same thing…discipline. Discipline that is meted out for misbehavior or disobedience. If my fantasies, there is always a naughty girl who is soundly disciplined for her misbehavior…through spanking, mouth soaping, figging, corner time, writing lines, or some form of humiliation (such as being made to stand on a stool with her panties pulled down in the center of the room). She is held accountable for her actions. The point of view in my fantasy sometimes changes…at times, I imagine the spanking from the point of view of the naughty girl getting the discipline spanking, but often it is from the point of view of someone watching (the Spanker, a friend, family member, another authority figure).
Having dialed down my particular spanking kink…discipline spanking and accountability… I started thinking about obedience, as spanking in my world IS the result of disobedience or misbehavior. To me, the idea of being made to obey someone is sexy as hell. It is a huge turn on…but in actual practice, it is hard! There are many days where I just don’t feel like making the bed (surely you have these days?) or cleaning the kitchen (obedience to my husband) or adhering to a super early bedtime (obedience to my Sir). While the idea of obeying or submitting is THRILLING, I find that actually following through is hard for me sometimes.
This makes me question my own submissiveness. I know it may sound like I am not serious about my submission…but I really am. This is not a game to me. I REALLY want to learn to be better at this. Sacrificing my own wants or needs in the moment, to please another, is very appealing to me at this point in my life. I think it will be good for me to learn this. For most of my life, I have been a very “in control” type person. Many of the people around me have worked hard to meet my needs, to please me. I now seek balance…and wish to be the person on the other side of things, meeting the needs of those around me…and submitting to their wants and needs.
Lost in self-reflection on this beautiful afternoon. Hoping you are well, my kinky friends!
XOXO,
nora
Finding Strength in my Submission 
To me, the idea of being made to obey someone is sexy as hell.
I know it for you and for many others. But, that would never happen here.
There are many days where I just don’t feel like making the bed (surely you have these days?) or cleaning the kitchen
A friend of Bacall’s gave her a safe word “I want to clean the house”
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Smiles. You and I definitely have different kinks around spanking, my friend! But I sure appreciate all the naughty spanking pictures that you post 🙂
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What are your rules? What do you have to do to stay out of trouble?
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I have soooooo many rules, MJ. Smiles. But I’m really not complaining. My husband’s rules are pretty simple… clean the kitchen and make the bed before he gets home from work, and always speak to him respectfully. I have a ton of rules with Sir….but just to name a few….take my vitamins every day, workout 5 times per week, report on my food intake daily, email my To-Do list each morning and at night let him know if I completed it, etc. And sometimes I just feel like slacking off, you know!?!
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What would happen of you disobeyed either one of them?
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Typically, a spanking. Sometimes just a good scolding. Though Sir is also fond of corner time and lines. My husband has on occasion, washed my mouth out with soap.
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I’ve used soap for bad language.
I’ve used corner times and lines seem to be both helpful but a huge consumption of time. Spanking seems to be fastest, and most effective.
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I must say that I agree with this, MJ. Are you and your wife living a DD dynamic now?
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That’s very interesting, nora. Like you, for me, the act of spanking is erotic or psychologically arousing due to the context and meaning behind it. Though I knew from some time in my early adult years that kinky spanking was not narrowly defined, it wasn’t until the internet came along that I found an appreciation for all the many ways people connect to the idea. My particular kink is also discipline spanking and accountability, however, obedience, as an ingredient, has a different flavor. The model for mine is a parental kind of discipline where the child is not submissive, and the parent is not interested in obedience for the sake of it. A crime is a crime because it’s “wrong,” and it must be more than simply, “I told you not to do that.” The humbling, shaming and embarrassing elements that attract me are reliant on the moral authority of the disciplinarian, so obedience is to their righteous position rather than to embrace a Dom/sub relationship. I find elements of D/s and power exchange to be erotic, however, that’s another kink where for me the role spanking plays is diminished.
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Thank you for this thoughtful response, Franz! Even in all of our discussions, I had never thought of it this way…the idea of the moral authority of the disciplinarian. This is very intriguing to me, as many of my fantasies (as I’m sure you can tell from the fiction that I write) center on a father/daughter theme. Thank you for this little nugget…I will think on this and try and figure out how it plays into my own kink😊
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Thank you, nora! I’m happy this is of interest to you. One thing to consider is an idealism of punishment in an egalitarian system with a clearly defined sense of ethics. Imagine the psychology when you’ve done something bad or wrong that violates the universal code, as opposed to doing something that merely displeases an individual who happens to be in a position to punish you. I’ve seen that your fantasies centering on a parental theme do involve punishment for behavior or attitude that can be considered bad or wrong in a universal sense, however, your scenarios focus more on obedience and power of the father to control his daughter. That makes sense to me because the Dom/sub nature of a relationship is the key to your kink. I focus on the kind of regime I lived under growing up, where punishment was not much about a parent’s desire to control, but about correction to protect the child and to teach the societally agreed upon lessons of right and wrong. The way I imagine adult DD relationships is that discipline is strictly for the benefit of the one being disciplined, and though authority and control is inherent in the process, punishment is generally not employed to show who is in charge, unless a demonstration of power is a part of the message needed to protect or teach and nurture. My sense of your kink is that you enjoy spanking scenes that fit my kink. There’s a crossover where mine is relevant to what turns you on about discipline.
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Thank you for this clarification, Franz. And, I do think that this plays a role in my kink. Between Sir and I, he is all about Discipline that is meted out to ensure my well being (often about health or safety). I believe he does see this as “teaching” me to be a better person. He often says he feels parental with me. Thank you for this great discussion!
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I saw the title and I literally said out loud “yeah. Obedience is hard.” I struggle toeing the line between my need to constantly be in control of everything. And my need to submit and everything out of my control. My niece came to stay with me a week ago for a two week theater day camp at the university near where I live. (I went to the overnight version in highschool and loved it. But they have a day version for younger kids.) And I ran into one of the senior interns from my first year of camp. They now have full control and run the camp. And they said “Hey Gracie. You still being a good girl? Going to bed on time?” Because even all these years later they still remember the sweet little 14 year old with a total sassy streak that I used to be. The older boys around me growing up always tried to take me under their wings and parent me and I always struggled to be the obedient girl I wanted to be. I still do. But thank you for writing this piece. It awoke a side of my submission that’s been asleep for a long time.
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Thank you for sharing this lovely experience, Grace Marie! I imagine you were filled with nostalgia, speaking with your former camp intern. Smiles. It sounds like your submissive side is ready to come out and play ❤
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Definitely so much nostalgia! I had the biggest crush on them in those days. And they took me under their wing. I miss those days I was a counselor for years. They talked about me coming back to teach acting to the teen overnight Camp next week. I said “Will have you not seen my stomach. Maybe next year.” Lol. I got a kick out of it and I can’t wait for my little girl to go!
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LOL… imagine you are going to be quite busy with your little one the next few years! But wouldn’t that be awesome if one day she could attend the same camp ❤
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It’s always good to reflect, and to try and see what you need, or what you want to do to feel like you are in balance. Nice read, Nora 🙂
~ Marie xox
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Thank you, Marie! It’s funny…years into this journey and I am still learning about myself. Have a great day! XOXO
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Really interesting thoughts! Thanks for sharing. Might incorporate some of this into something I’m working on 😉
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I will be looking forward to that!😘
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I completely get that obeying is hard, sometimes I found it hard to behave because I didn’t want to fail. I think that’s always my fear failing and disappointing someone. I used to think of spanking only as a way of being disciplined, but with how I have a hard time digging deep to let go of my emotions and to deal with my grief and basically the traumas in my life, I have a desire to be spanked until I can release it all. I don’t know if that makes any sense but in my head it does. I don’t look at what I did with my past Dom as obeying but performing my duties in my submission to him. I asked him once if after dinner if I could bathe him, he allowed me. I was able to towel dry him and I was in heaven, just being able to care for him in that way. It’s funny with my soon to be official ex husband I could never find myself ever feeling like I needed to obey or feel the draw on my submissive part of me. Weird.
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I really identify with what you wrote about the release from spankings, Storm! On occasion, I’ll ask my husband for a stress release spanking. This is very helpful in releasing pent up emotions. Thank you for the thoughtful comment😊
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But if obedience was easy and it only involved the areas and tasks in life, that you enjoyed, would then being obedient take no effort and therefore be of lesser value? Whereas, being obedient when it is difficult to do so offers a sense of achievement. Or am I not getting this. I have to admit that I outside my personal experience zone here and so, therefore may be typing from where the sun don’t shine
Prefectdt
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Oh no, you are correct, Prefectdt! If it were easy, obedience would hold no great value. BUT, that doesn’t mean I can’t whine about it once in awhile 🙂
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I can relate to this. I want it so much but sometimes I just don’t do it. I think for me I want to be made to do it or rather made to want to do it. My submission is always there but it can hide. I think that it takes the application of strength and consistency when you are quite independent and it is hard to made it consistent enough with the pulls of life. That is probably just me but your post did strike a chord. Missy x
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Another great and super fascinating post Nora!! I can identify with not always making my bed…lol. I don’t feel like it is a very mature way to live though and I kind of feel guilty when I do it, which is far too often. But since I don’t have anyone to hold me accountable, I can kind of get away with it. I don’t have any practical appreciation for being submissive, but a part of me really wants to learn. I guess for me, it is more about being punished or disciplined for my lack of maturity as a person. Many habits that I let slip can easily get out of control when I don’t manage them.
I guess it is encouraging to hear that even with someone that has been in the lifestyle as long as you have, you still have to work at being submissive!! It is something I desperately do want to learn more about!!!
Thanks as always for sharing!!
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Just keep on reading, my friend! There is so much information on-line. And..if learning to submit to the right woman is what you are looking for, seek out an experienced Domme who might take you under her wing. You are intelligent, thoughtful, and have a good heart… I imagine there is definitely a dominant female looking for just that sort of man 🙂
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This is a job that takes diligence. You have to be mentally prepared for it.
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It DOES take a lot of mental energy 🙂
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