Hello, my kinky friends,
As I continue to read Real Service, written by Master Raven and Joshua Tenpenny, I will continue to share my nerdy chapter notes with you all 🙂
I wanted to note that I am learning a lot from this book. Some of the concepts are new to me, and some are just helpful to see laid out in this way. If you were interested in my notes on the previous chapters, here are the links for your convenience (how service-oriented of me! 🙂 ).
Chapter Five- The Annoyance Factor
First, I must say… while I greatly admire both the Master and slave who wrote this book…this is a silly name for this chapter. In any case….
This chapter is written by Master Raven to discuss one of the biggest mistakes that those engaged in a service-oriented power exchange make. That mistake is starting off with too many rules and protocols. Most new couples who begin this type of power exchange are very excited for the submissive/slave to begin serving the Dom/Master in all sorts of ways. However, the problem with this is that the Dom/Master must remember to check up on all of these tasks (and provide correction if tasks were forgotten or done poorly) and it can be quite the overload to the new submissive/slave as well. This can cause the Dom a lot of frustration and the submissive to feel a lot of shame or guilt. It is the responsibility of the Dom to be sure that the list of rules/protocols is manageable for a new submissive, knowing that the list can be grown over time to meet all of the needs of the Dom.
Note to Doms: If you make this mistake and find you need to scale back your list of rules/protocols, keep only the ones that are most meaningful to you and that you remember to enforce. Master Raven suggests that when the submissive fails to complete a task/protocol and this causes you annoyance, that these are the rules/protocols to keep (hence the title of this chapter).
In an already established Dynamic, Doms might consider the things in their lives that they find annoying (I like the terms “inconvenient” or “time consuming” better than “annoying” but I didn’t write the book 😊 ). These might be areas for new rules/protocols. For example, a Dom might find it annoying to make his/her/their own travels plans and assign the submissive to complete this service task. Or, perhaps the Dom finds it annoying to research mundane, but necessary topics such as building permits/codes, insurance policies, weekly weather forecasts, concert schedules, etc. and might assign his/her/their submissive this task. Master Raven suggests that Masters/Doms take a look around their lives and consider the tasks they would love to see disappear from their own To-Do lists and utilize a service submissive in these areas. Master Raven also notes that while it might be selfish, the rules/protocols that have endured are the ones for his own, “convenience, annoyance, his hard-on, and his emotional responses”.
Chapter Six- Optimizing for Priorities
Sometimes, a Dom/Master and a submissive/slave are going to have different ideas about how to go about prioritizing things and completing tasks. The simple answer is this: The Dom’s priorities win every time.
This is not so simple to live out though. But a submissive must try to remind herself that 1) I’m serving this person because I believe they are worthy of it, and 2) I trust this person and this mind… I can do it their way. This is the necessary give-and-take of a power exchange dynamic.
Note to submissives- It is on you to figure out how to adapt. If you are struggling with this, ask your Dom to help you learn to adapt to his/her/their ways.