As I shared in my most recent post, I am reading a book called Real Service, written by Master Raven and Joshua Tenpenny. Of all of the D/s books I have read, this is my favorite (followed by The Surrendered Wife). I like how this book breaks down service submission and explores motivations. I also like how it is written for both submissives and Dominants (or, slaves and Masters).
These are my notes on the next two sections. I laugh at myself sometimes for being such a student. It is very difficult for me to read books like this without wanting to take notes 🙂 There you go…another glimpse into my personality!
Enjoy my kinky friends!
Chapter Three- Motivations for Service
Why do some submissives long to provide service? Master Raven and Joshua propose three motivations which may explain the “why” of it.
1. Transactional service– the submissive serves because they are getting a direct benefit from it. For some, this might include free rent with their Dom (or some other tangible form of payment) and for others this is because they receive the person’s dominance. Some serve for sex, others for the appreciation.
– The Dom needs to know what the submissive expects to be getting out of the transaction (there needs to be clear communication). If there are too many assumptions and needs are not being met, the submissive may grow resentful.
– This can be tricky in 24/7 dynamics as “accounting” can be difficult over time. “Rewards” may get put off due to life’s circumstances.
2. Devotional service– a submissive who serves out of love. The submissive gains deep satisfaction out of serving the person who is target of their warm feelings (not necessarily romantic love). There may also be the feeling of “belonging” to the person. Long-distance relationships are hardest on submissives with this motivation.
– a drawback to this type of service is that on occasion the submissive may not be feeling very loving toward the Dom. The submissive may want to stop serving on that day which can be problematic in a 24/7 dynamic.
3. Positional service– this motivation comes from a submissive’s sense of their own identity. They serve because it is who they are. These submissive take pride in whatever work they are doing, for whomever they are doing it for.
– one problematic element to this type of motivation is the Dom may feel “replaceable” and that the submissive is willing to serve anyone in need of service.
My reflection: I feel that my strongest motivation to serve, which would be transactional, is due to the lens in which I view a D/s dynamic…one of give and take. I expect a Dom to assert control and authority and in return, I will give obedience. I expect a Dom to be stern and unyielding and in return, I will be soft and submissive. However, I also serve out of devotion. My feelings of love or friendship will motivate me to give the best service I have to offer. Service is also a part of who I am….but not as much so as it is a transactional event. Basically….I do want to get something out of this 🙂
Chapter Four- Styles of Dominance
Dominants vary greatly in their style of dominance. Some are micromanagers, some like the control, others want to hand off tasks to submissives which make their own lives easier. For example, some Doms may prefer to do all the driving (for control) and others my have their submissive chauffeur them around (handing off a task to the submissive to make their own lives easier).
Parental dominance– this does not refer to age play. It does refer to a high-level of control and hands-on management style. The dominant may control very intimate aspects of the submissive’s life (ex. hairstyle, diet, exercise, clothing, daily schedule, orgasms, etc.)
Celebrity dominance– wants obstacles smoothed out of their path (will require extensive training). However, after training, very little hands-on management will be required. The submissive may be expected to learn a wide range of new skills from car service, cooking, to even helping with the Dom’s job, and all eventually with very little supervision.
– this requires proactive and anticipatory service.