Real Service

Awhile back, Marie @ Loving My Disciplined Life mentioned a D/s book which intrigued me.  The book is Real Service, by Master Raven Kaldera & Joshua Tenpenny.  While I am only about 30 pages in (it is a relatively short book) I am learning much about service submissives.  For me, serving is a very big part of my submission.  When I am serving another I feel fulfilled (so actually, serving others is a bit self-serving for this girl 😊 ). 

I believe that I serve in many ways.  I serve Daddy by making his life easier and more pleasant (at least, I try 😊).  I wash and fold his clothes, keep our home clean, manage our finances, do much of the yard work, care for our pets, feed him well, and contribute to our household earnings.  I also enjoy serving his body through massage, foot rubs, and sexual pleasure.  It makes me feel good about myself to do these things for him.

I also serve my Dominant.  Sir has a great need for control, and I do my best to serve him in ways that help meet that need.  I adhere to his schedule to the best of my ability (waking early, often organizing my daily duties around his availability, etc.).  I do my best to obey his Rules and complete his assignments on-time.  I am also learning and implementing his preferences regarding how I speak about myself and how I conduct myself in our daily chats.

While many may enjoy the idea of being served… I’ll be honest, my friends… there is no where I’d rather be than on my knees, my heart open and soft, my mind deep in subspace.  Nothing gives me more satisfaction than serving to the best of my ability regardless of the act.  It is deeply ingrained in who I am as a person and as a submissive.     

Below, I will provide my chapter notes on Real Service.  I have only completed notes on the first two sections, but there will be more to come 🙂

Keeping it kinky!

XOXO,

nora

CHAPTER One- Service porn and the butler fetish

  • People who fantasize about service roles (think French maid’s uniform vs. People who live to serve others).
  • Generally, 24/7 dynamics include two people where one person has dedicated their time and energy to the service of another. 
  • Myth- service needs to be “high class” (think fancy tea service, how to set a formal dinner).  Service can be from “regular” people, serving “regular” Doms in ways that please the Dom. 

CHAPTER TWO- Rules of Service

Rule 1: If the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service.

Service isn’t service unless your Dom wants it (even if you are good at it, even if you think it will benefit him, even if your last Dom loved it…if your current Dom doesn’t want it, it isn’t service).

Note to Doms- many Doms admit to accepting service that they don’t really want so that they don’t hurt the feelings of their submissive.  You are not doing them any favors in this way; you are actually harming them…as you are allowing their feelings to dictate your dominance.  Having high and exacting standards will bring out the best in your submissive.  While some submissives may need a Dom to be more emotionally supportive in the early stages of a dynamic, the idea is to help them grow into their best selves (and into what you are seeking). 

Rule 2: Contempt has no place in service.

If either person feels contempt for the other, the dynamic isn’t working.

Rule 3: A bad attitude is corrosive to the servant and the relationship.

Submissives should try to foster a positive attitude during service, even if the task does not seem that important.  You are doing something to please your Dom…that is what submission is all about.

Tackling a precision job with all your energy to get your Dom’s well-earned approval should be of the upmost importance to you. 

Note to Doms: Do not accept a poor attitude from your submissive.  You are not doing them any favors by allowing them to get away with this. 

Rule 4: A good servant wants their master to be right.

Sometimes Doms make mistakes or are wrong about something.  Make a decision…. you are obeying this person because you believe them to be competent (or exit the dynamic if you see them as incompetent).  If you decide to serve them, you must let go of the need to be right.  Let go of that responsibility (that is one of the perks of a D/s dynamic). 

Note to Doms- It is okay if you make a mistake.  Own it, take responsibility, and move on.  If your submissive is being difficult, try saying something like, “I don’t understand how you are thinking about this, but I could be missing something.  Please help me understand where you are coming from.”

28 thoughts on “Real Service

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  1. That’s an interesting point the book makes- if the Dom doesn’t want it, it’s not service and not really submission. I think a lot of subs go into it thinking they want their needs met but that doesn’t seem like the heart of submission, which is to be what the dominant needs/wants. Then trust that they will take care of you. But I suppose that’s the ideal. Not sure how often it happens… great post, thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Violette! This first rule really stood out to me as well. I remember when Daddy and I were first getting started there were all sorts of things I would do for him…which left us feeling both unfulfilled (because it wasn’t really anything that was truly meaningful to him, and I wasn’t getting the response that I was seeking). So when I read this…it just really rang true for me.

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  2. I’ve never been involved in a D/s relationship, but I’m reminded that people are born with certain characteristics such as physical beauty, intelligence, musical, athletic and other talents. Our culture places a high value on these things. I see your desire to serve and to feel fulfilled by it, as a stunning form of beauty.

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  3. The dynamic is not easy to achieve there is a natural balance of both the service to the dom and the subs desire to perform that service. Everything is on a big sliding scale or like a volume button. And if those aren’t set at the same level it can be challenging or at least like any relationship the challenge is to get those dials close to the right setting. Or at least in my experience.

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    1. Hi Matt! I would love to hear more about your D/s experiences sometime. Have you ever been in a formal dynamic? I’ve found there is a certain symbiosis in a D/s dynamic; an interdependence of having needs met by both partners. I find it fascinating!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s interesting I never really haven’t dug deep. I have had a quite a few experiences where my natural dominance comes out but it has never progressed into that more formal aspect. I was trying to do that with Hailey but as we all know… no such luck. The key is finding that person that is truly submissive in the ways I want her to be and that she wants to be.

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        1. Well, when considering the type of submissive woman you would like to have…in what ways would she be submissive? Here in my post I wrote about service submissives…does that hold appeal to you? Or, perhaps a woman who is submissive only in the bedroom? Or, perhaps a woman who is submissive on more of a part-time basis rather than 24/7? So many options 🙂 But knowing what you want as a Dom is important, so you don’t waste your time with people who don’t meet that criteria.

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          1. Yes. I actually recognize my less then stellar progress to the next level as part of discovering what I want and if I want. I haven’t really charted it out. Service does appeal but 24/7 that might be much. I still want a strong partner at the end of the day sometimes those aren’t always on the same page. Could be looking for a while. lol!! For now I will keep it in the bedroom, until I figure myself out. Still healing, still working towards my better self. But I do appreciate your research into this. Knowledge is always good. It gives inspiration and helps one define their own way through this.

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            1. Smiles. Most of the service submissives I know are some of the strongest partners you will ever meet. Serving is not easy and takes a lot of inner strength. But…it sounds like you have a good plan. Healing yourself, first and foremost. Working on yourself, and when you are ready, looking for a partner with specific qualities. I imagine that you will want a healthy, fit, intelligent, fun person who enjoys being around kids. And, hopefully she will have submissive tendencies 🙂

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  4. Such an insightful post! Your acceptance of your submission as a part of you is stunningly beautiful, as Franz said. Reading this made me consider my relationship with submission and service. What draws me to submission is, ironically, the power I hold in my daily life at school, at work, and with my friends. I am often the person others go to for comfort, advice, or a solution. I like being this person for others. It also feels like a fulfilling kind of service to help them. But the need to be Dominated by someone I love and trust when I’m home stems from this as well. To let all of that go, relinquish my power, and not have the burden of being right or making decisions is so freeing. There truly is no better feeling than kneeling open-hearted like you said.

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    1. Thank you, my friend! We have a lot in common! I am often the person that others come to as well. While I am grateful to have the temperament, patience, and skill set to be that person…there is nothing I want more than to relinquish all control to the person(s) that I trust. As you wrote, it is INCREDIBLY freeing ❤

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      1. Exactly! I think that is also why you wanted a dominant that was older than you. I have always been drawn to older people as close friends, mentors, and partners. But many of my friends are my age or younger and I am grateful to have their spunk (and mishaps) in my life to keep things interesting.

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        1. I am drawn to those who I feel are “older and wiser”. I think real wisdom comes from having lived through things, made mistakes and learned from it…and I am so grateful when someone is willing to impart what they have learned upon me. Are you and S the same age? My Daddy and I are.

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          1. Yes, same. I have always been told that I am “mature for my age” so I am often drawn to people who have experienced similar things and learned from them. I often feel like experiencing so much at my age is a steep price to pay for maturity, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I am always very grateful to learn from others and share stories (one of the reasons I love reading your blog). S is almost exactly 4 years older than me. Oh! I don’t know why, but I thought Daddy was a year older than you.

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            1. Nope, Daddy and I have almost the same birthday, same year. Smiles. When I was young (I am 41 now), people used to tell me I was an “old soul”. LOL…now I am just old! 🙂

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  5. I love this! I learned rule number one at my first job out of law school. I was busting my butt trying to work overtime on stuff my boss didn’t want me to do. And I was resentful of her because I was busting my butt and not getting recognition for that. And she didn’t want want me doing it but didn’t want to hurt my feelings until one day she finally said “hey. I don’t need you working all that overtime. If I need you to I’ll let you know.” And we got along much better. I’ve never really been a service sub. Just wasn’t my thing. I’m more of an other people serve me kind of girl. The family I grew up in was very men take care of the women. For example when I was in my teens my big sister said to me “Gracie, hon don’t ever submit to or serve any man. You’re better than that. And you know it.” But overall the book sounds like a great read. I might have to pick up a copy for myself.

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    1. Hi, Grace Marie! You are a paradox to me, my friend. You have shared many instances where men have given you real-life spankings on the spot for misbehavior. I would have expected the women in your family to be more the type that did submit to a man’s authority. Smiles. I have been wondering how you are…. have you and Sawyer had any time together? I do hope that the two of you can work things out, if that is what you are wanting ❤

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      1. I am nothing if not surprising. The women in my family are not “doormats” as my mother called them. Or “sit at home and bake cookie types” as my grandmother refers to them. (Both are still alive and well) I’ve been out of town for a few days. So I haven’t seen sawyer in almost two weeks. And a part of me misses him. I finally got my one question answered. And that question was why after all of these years did he start cheating when everything was good. I was sober, (California clean. But still better than I used to be) mentally stable, pregnant, and happy? And a mutual friend finally answered it with 8 words. He didn’t get to be the saint anymore. Meaning when we were in the thick of it (rehab stints. Almost arrests, mental hospital stays) he was the saint for staying with me. I was introduced to people behind my back as “Oh that’s Grace Marie. She’s sawyer’s wife, she’s crazy. He’s a saint for staying with her.) and then when I got sober and pregnant it was “Oh that’s Grace Marie. Sawyer’s wife, they’re expecting and she’s a great attorney.” But Nevertheless I’m going to try to work through it with him for the sake of our child. We have a prenup in place though in case worse comes to worst. My healthy future little girl and I are taking it day by day.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Wow! Your friend sounds like she is incredibly insightful. I think you are amazing for getting clean and healthy, and doing what you have to do to protect the baby girl inside you. Wishing nothing but the best for you and her ❤

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