A sexy self-growth project- 30 Days of D/s, part deux (Day 16) NSFW, 18+

Hello, my friends!

Almost four years ago, I participated in the Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s writing prompts and from this experience, I learned a lot about myself and about D/s.  Recently, I embarked on re-reading my former posts and realized that so much of what I have written in the past was either no longer relevant, or, my views on the topics had evolved into something else entirely.  I thought it might be fun to share my before and now posts, side by side.

Also, please note that while I refer to a Dominant as “He” and a submissive as “she” in my writing, this is only done to reflect my own experiences. I do not believe that either role is more inherent to a particular gender.

Keeping it kinky!

XOXO,

nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 16

Yes, we know your D/s relationship is real life. Of course, it is. But the rest of life sometimes interferes with the kinky fuckery you’d rather be having. Illness, death, finances – it all makes an impact on how much (if any) D or s is going on. Think about it for a while. Wrap your mind around the idea.

Prompt: Does it surprise you that you might not maintain the same level of D/s during the stressful times? Do you think you know how you’ll handle your relationship when it does? What ideas can you consider that might help you when this happens?

April 23, 2021

Currently, I am in both a DD dynamic (with my husband) and a D/s dynamic (with my Sir).  I have been at this long enough now to realize that life DOES have a way of interfering with the amount of kinkiness that we are able to enjoy in our lives.  Being the naughty girl that I am, I do my best to maintain focus within my dynamics but as we all know…that isn’t always possible as life is happening around us. 

Daddy and I’s domestic discipline dynamic was born during a time of extreme stress and sadness in our lives.  The DD dynamic that we formed served to assist me out of my depression and lay down a new foundation of trust between the two of us.  DD gave us a new way to communicate and new skills to incorporate into our marriage.  So, when I start to experience depression, this is often the very time that we have been conditioned to turn to our DD dynamic…and it works!  However, life does derail us at times.  Currently, the Spring season has just begun where we live.  This means a TON of work around our property.  Often, after work…Daddy and I both work on projects until the sun goes down.  I have noticed a slight decline in our DD as of late… missed maintenance sessions, Daddy allowing me to get away with a disrespectful tone, and both of us just being too exhausted to engage in much kinky fuckery.  But I have NO doubt that our DD will resume at some point, in full force.  From what I have learned, like many things in life, our DD ebbs and flows.

Sir and I’s D/s dynamic is still very new.  However, as life gradually returns to normal (Sir and I met when the pandemic was in full force), it is becoming harder and harder for us to find as much time as we might like to spend together.  Our dynamic is on-line, and we face a three-hour time difference.  He also has a vacation coming up which we have been discussing and trying to determine how to best keep our dynamic on track while he is away.  So, this prompt is very timely for my D/s dynamic.  I am hopeful that despite these challenges we will maintain a vivid, lively dynamic, but it will certainly take work on both our parts to accomplish this.  One idea that I have is to create new and fresh assignments and/or rituals for while he is away to keep things exciting during a time where we will not be able to communicate as much. 

This is one of the more critical prompts of this 30 Days of D/s series.  It is really important to understand that the level of excitement and commitment to D/s that two people share in the beginning is nearly impossible to maintain for any great length of time…life will always find a way to interfere…work, illness, dramas, relational conflicts, etc.  However, this doesn’t mean that a dynamic has to fall by the wayside…it simply means that both parties may have to demonstrate a patient attitude and grace in his/her heart.    


May 29, 2017

Life happens…and often, it is painful and challenging and relentless and it comes down upon you like a tidal wave.  One of the most sour lemons that life has handed me—my mom dying unexpectedly in her sleep in her early sixties—was a significant marker in the beginning of my D/s relationship with my husband.  After Mom died, I found a very dark, sad place…and I stayed there for months, without seeing the sun.  My husband did his best to take care of me emotionally and he was there with me, every step of the way…even when I lashed out at him, as if my pain were somehow his fault.  It was during this very dark time, that I found my first domestic discipline website.  Once my husband and I began to implement domestic discipline into our relationship, I began to find my way out of the dark, emotional hole I had been drowning in and make my way back into the sun.  Our D/s and DD mindsets helped me to release my pain, helped me find happiness in my marriage again, and helped me allow myself to start living again.

A month or two into our D/s journey, another lemon was handed to me.  My younger brother who was only in his thirties died, and again, this was unexpected and came with no warning.  I was devastated.  My husband was devastated.  Our families were devastated.  But, my husband and I knew that we had a new tool to help us cope with the pain, the loss, the chaos that takes over your life when you lose a loved one tragically.  That tool was our D/s lifestyle and how it allows both of us to release our pain in ways that doesn’t include hurting one another or ourselves.

What I am trying to express, is that D/s came to me during some of the darkest hours of my life.  I am really not too worried about our D/s lifestyle changing during stressful times….we are already in that place.  What I am curious to see happen, and a little anxious about, is that when this dark cloud has been lifted and Daddy and I have healed enough to fully enjoy our lives again, what will our D/s dynamic be like then?  I sometimes worry that D/s was just a coping strategy for us and that it only works for Daddy right now because he sees that we need it.  I feel I will always need it, during the hard times and the good times.  I realize as I write this piece that this is something that I need to discuss with Daddy for I don’t want to live in fear that we will lose this dynamic as times get better.

I apologize for putting such a dark spin on what is usually a happy topic on my blog, but this is where I share my experiences, without fear of judgement.

14 thoughts on “A sexy self-growth project- 30 Days of D/s, part deux (Day 16) NSFW, 18+

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  1. I haven’t been in a D/s relationship, but I imagine it would be impacted by life similar to the conventional sexual relationship I’ve had. Difficult, stressful and depressing times tend to diminish sexual desire and get in the way of romantic activities. We’ve never really found a solution for that other than to persevere through those times. It’s really good to hear that your DD dynamic has been of such value to you and your relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That really is a great way to think about it, Franz. It really doesn’t matter if we are talking a DD relationship or a vanilla marriage….life has a way of derailing our relationships, and putting focus in other areas. But I think when we have something that is unconventional, like say a D/s dynamic we tend to notice that it is being neglected. Whereas if just a “regular” relationship, sometimes we just allow the connection to suffer…rather then focusing on it and trying to revive it. Thank you for the thoughtful comment!

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  2. I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Relationships take a lot of time and work but they can also be so rewarding. Although I know that DD is something I deeply desire to have in my life, it would not be a healthy choice for S and I right now. I am simply not at a place in my life where I have the time to be the submissive I would want to be. Sometimes we have to wait for the right time to have the things we want, even though it sucks! The realization that I need to finish school before I can wholeheartedly sign a contract has been sad, but also freeing for me. As much as the idea of being bound by a contract (and potentially other things 😉 ) is wonderful, it is impossible right now, and accepting that truth has taken a weight off my mind.
    I am so glad that you have found the wonderful dynamics you are in and I hope they continue to prosper!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing about this decision, Claire! Being in school is incredibly time consuming. Good for you for prioritizing your education. D/s will be there when you are done…plenty of time for naughty adventures😘

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      1. My thoughts exactly! Especially going through finals right now, school is almost all-consuming. Thank you for your supportive words Nora, they always mean a lot to me 😊

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You are welcome, Claire! As someone just finishing up her doctorate, I totally get how draining school is. I graduate in about two months and I am so looking forward to being done! And, like you… I had to set a lot of boundaries on my life in order to give school the attention it needed. Thankfully, I’ve been able to only work part-time during this process (so I still had time for all my naughty endeavors 🙂 ). May I ask what you are studying?

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          1. Oh wow, congratulations on your upcoming graduation! A doctorate is certainly a lot of work and I think you teach on the side (I remember you saying something about grading papers) which is incredibly difficult, even part-time! Boundaries are so incredibly important. I learned that lesson the hard way haha. I am getting a Liberal Arts degree (Bachelors) in Theater Arts with minors in Music and Dance. If I could also minor in theological studies, mythology, and linguistics I would, but they won’t let me! Thank you for the well-wishes for finals, I am so close to being done!

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            1. What a fabulous area of study!!! I wish you all the best, Claire….such a HUGE accomplishment!!! I hope you will let me know when you graduate…from one naughty girl to another, I am cheering you on 🙂

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