A sexy self-growth project- 30 days of D/s, part deux (Day 14) #NSFW, 18+

Hello, my friends!

Almost four years ago, I participated in the Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s writing prompts and from this experience, I learned a lot about myself and about D/s.  Recently, I embarked on re-reading my former posts and realized that so much of what I have written in the past was either no longer relevant, or, my views on the topics had evolved into something else entirely.  I thought it might be fun to share my before and now posts, side by side.

Also, please note that while I refer to a Dominant as “He” and a submissive as “she” in my writing, this is only done to reflect my own experiences. I do not believe that either role is more inherent to a particular gender.

Keeping it kinky!

XOXO,

nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 14

Prompt: A Dominant may set the rules, but a submissive has to agree to them. Submissives may have an idea in their head what they need, but their Dominant might see another way of accomplishing the same goal. Rules are a part of the vast majority of D/s relationships from small to big.

Some rules determine behavior in public, others are about private behavior. Some rules may be more common but there’s no right or wrong here. Do you know what kind of rules you may want or need in your relationship?

March 27, 2021

What I really love about this prompt is the line, “submissives may have an idea in their head what they need, but their Dominant might see another way of accomplishing the same goal.”  I think this is key to a D/s dynamic.  In the past, I have spent a lot of time being bummed out that things weren’t going exactly how I wanted them to; expectations can be a bitch.  Key to learning to submit (at least for this girl) was learning to relinquish those expectations and truly put myself in the hands of my HOH or Dominant. 

This prompt touches on a key kink factor for me…the idea of rules.  I need rules.  I crave them.  I need the structure that rules provide, and I need the consequences associated with breaking a rule.  The kind of rules that I want in place are rules which help me to be better, healthier, safer.  Daddy and I have a few rules in place which are designed to help me be productive and improve our marriage (i.e. making the bed every day, doing the dishes every day, greeting him in a certain way when he gets home from work).  Mr. Intriguing and I have also been discussing rules.  Many of his proposed rules are also designed to help me be productive and healthy, but with a strong focus on my safety as well (more to come on this soon 😊). 

For most of my life… I have been fantasizing about spanking.  But these fantasies are always within the context of discipline.  To me, nothing is sexier than a strong man taking me in hand and spanking my bottom for my misbehavior…holding me accountable to HIS standards.  I will share with you…this does not always come easy to me.  I am a strong woman, an intelligent woman, a hard-working woman….and so, I cannot and will not simply submit to anyone.  I do not believe that women were “designed” to be submissive to men.  I do believe that relationships work better when there is one clear leader.  But, whomever is the leader in a relationship needs to have great consideration and respect for the partner whom is not leading (in other words, this only works IF the leading partner is a GOOD leader… I am not talking abuse here, folks). 

For a long time, I was the leader in my marriage, and I can honestly tell you that I was not a good leader.  While I am strong, smart, and hardworking… I can also be closed-minded to ideas not my own and I have really strong preferences about how to do things, which can be very unhelpful.  At times, I know that I belittled Daddy and gave him reason to feel insecure and less confident.  And, when both of us realized this strategy (my leading) was not working for us…we decided on a power exchange.

Perhaps that sounds silly or drastic even, but we both knew we had to change to survive.  And so…over the last four years, we’ve made some pretty big changes.  We’ve had ups and downs with D/s and DD, but I think we can both say without reservation that our marriage is much healthier now than it has ever been.  There is respect, trust, and a lot of love here. 

Daddy is sitting here with me as I write this, and I just read him what I wrote.  He asked me to quote his response. 

Daddy: I am really proud to hear you say those things, baby girl.  That kind of self-reflection isn’t easy.  You have changed so much.  I admire that you were able to recognize what you saw as short comings and that you wanted to change them; address them.  We are different now, better.  I love being your Daddy.

I love you, Daddy ❤

Your baby girl always,

nora   

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June 2, 2017

My Daddy has certain expectations for me, which I think of as guidelines rather than specific rules.  His guidelines for my behavior are that I am always to be respectful, I am always to be obedient, and I am always to strive my best to please him.  These guidelines are far reaching and must be adhered to in both public and private, basically in all situations and at all times.  However, he has implemented a few specific rules.  One specific rules that Daddy has created is that I am to always answer his requests with “Yes, Sir” or “Yes, Daddy”.  Another is that I must always say “please” when making any type of request (which is harder than it sounds!).    Another specific, standing rule that Daddy has created for me is that I must have the kitchen clean before he gets home from work in the evening (I used to be a horrible procrastinator about doing dishes).

However, there is a part of me that would like to see Daddy implement more rules for me.  I thrive on rules, structure, organization…that’s just my personality.  I have no doubt that even if Daddy had a long list of rules for me, I would relish obeying each and every one of them.  But, this dynamic isn’t just about me.  Daddy has a different personality than me, which has served us well in our marriage (the idea of opposites attract and complement one another).  He balks at rules, he isn’t always the most organized, and he likes to be spontaneous rather than structured.  I think that for him, the idea of creating rules is not very much fun.  He greatly enjoys telling me what to do in the moment, and seeing me quickly obey him, but I’m not sure that he would enjoy sitting down and creating a list of rules for me.  However; now that I have spent much time considering this topic, I feel that I should approach him, respectfully, and discuss my feelings about possibly adding more structure and rules within our new D/s dynamic.

On a variety of blogs, I have read about kneeling.  One particular kneeling scenario that is very attractive to me, is the idea of kneeling before Daddy at bedtime and waiting for his permission, or being made to ask his permission, to sleep in our marriage bed beside him.  What I like about this scenario is that this reinforces the idea that sleeping beside him is a privilege that shouldn’t be taken for granted.  While Daddy typically comes to bed after me (he is a night owl), he always takes me to bed and tucks me in either when I am ready or when he sends me to bed.  One aspect about this scenario that is a little scary to me is that it puts us in a situation where Daddy may not give his permission for me to sleep with him.  It would definitely be a punishment for Daddy to deny me the privilege of sleeping next to him and for him to send me to sleep in our guest room.  I imagine though that he would only do this if I had been behaving very poorly and it would serve me as a good reminder to behave myself in the future.  Just thinking about Daddy sending me away from our bed makes me want to cry.

Another rule that I have learned about in some D/s dynamics, is the offering of oral sex after a discipline spanking.  I read about a scenario where after the submissive has been disciplined for disobedience, she must then thank her Daddy for her discipline (which I always do) and then offer to show her appreciation for that discipline by offering oral sex to her Daddy.  Daddy may or may not choose to take her up on that offer, but the point is to reaffirm the position of authority of the dominant by getting on one’s knees and giving him pleasure after he has given you pain.  This is also very intriguing to me.

I look forward to discussing rules with Daddy tonight.  However, I also do not want to create any giant expectations.  Expectations always get me into trouble as I tend to pout when I don’t get my way (my baby girl side).  I am learning—slowly and sometimes, painfully— that Daddy is in charge of our marriage and I trust him to know if we need to incorporate more rules or not.