Let the tears flow

This weekend was a biggie for me. 

As I shared in an earlier post, I experienced some very painful feelings this weekend, related to the passing of my younger brother.  This marks our fourth year without him.  His birthday and the anniversary of his passing come about around the same time…so…just a lot of pain all around. 

In any case…my normal strategy around this time of year is to overindulge in the tipple, shop too much, eat too much, binge watch my favorite shows too much (yes, there is such a thing!)…basically, a bunch of unhealthy behaviors meant to avoid the pain this time of year brings up.  However, I started making some major changes during the pandemic last year and even more healthy changes in 2021.  This is the first time since my brother passed that I have been sober on his birthday.  I don’t want to make it sound like I was an alcoholic, but like many, I was prone to overindulging, especially when experiencing emotional pain.  But one of the changes I made in 2021 was to break up with alcohol all together…it really wasn’t bringing me any happiness.

Today, I focused largely on myself.  I reached out to family and friends (rather than avoiding them during a painful time), I ate lunch in the sunshine, I completed a Zumba dance workout (the music always makes me feel happy 😊), and I was generally productive (which makes me feel good about myself).  But, late this afternoon I felt myself becoming overwhelmed with big, painful feelings.  I didn’t know what else to do…I had nothing else in my self-care toolbox in that moment.

But Daddy did. 

Recognizing that I was in pain and that I needed his help, he asked me if a spanking would help.  Through my tears, I nodded yes…and almost instantly, my heart felt lighter.  I felt seen.

Daddy asked me to take off my pants and lay on my tummy on the bed.

For whatever reason, I needed him to disrobe me and I asked him, “Will you please do it, Daddy?”

He smiled at me, nodded, and left the room to collect his implements.  He returned with the strap, the tawse, and the cane.

As he told me how much he loved me, he lowered my yoga pants to my knees, so my bottom was bare (yep, you read that right…no panties today).  He raised my shirt a bit and kissed me on the small of my back.  Then, he began to spank me with his hand. 

The spanks were firm but not overly hard.  I sensed he was warming me up, which meant he intended to be at this awhile.  After a few minutes of this attention, I was crying out a bit and squirming, and he stopped…and picked up the strap.

These were NOT warmup strokes.  The strap began to light a small fire on my bottom, searing my backside with the kiss of leather.  While I don’t normally, I found myself counting the strokes.  There were 38 total strokes that landed on my bare bottom.  I don’t know if Daddy was counting or not…but that is how many I counted.

Next came the tawse.  Our “traditional” tawse is about 14 inches in length, ¾ an inch in thickness, has a split tail, and is heavy in weight.  It is an implement that provides a wicked sting, leaves welts, and provides a bit of the “thud” effect too that you typically only find in hairbrushes and paddles.  By the fourth lick with the tawse, I was in tears….and 20 swats in, I was openly crying. 

At last…I was finding the emotional release that I was in dire need of. 

Finally, Daddy set down the tawse and picked up the cane.  If you have ever been the recipient of the cane, you know that there is no other searing pain like it.  The cane sets a fiery pain across the bottom that is unmatched by other implements.  Daddy announced that I was to have five strokes and that I was to count them.

Daddy was serious about this caning.  He was determined to help me release the pain I was carrying in my heart.

The first stroke cut across my bottom, leaving a raised welt… I cried out in pain. 

The second stroke had me kicking my legs about, fully crying, tears running down my face.

The third stroke came down across the tops of my thighs, eliciting an alarming shriek.

The fourth stroke was placed right across my sit spot.  More crying, more tears.

And before he awarded me the final stroke, Daddy reminded me how much he loved me.  I began to sob in earnest.

The fifth stroke came and went, and my spanking was over.

After, Daddy held me for a very long time.  And then, he began to touch me in all the right places.  His warm mouth affixed to my nipple and his fingers fucked me just right…and I exploded right into oblivion, followed by another bout of tears.  Daddy took this all in stride. 

And I felt better.

I felt lighter; freer.  I felt more in control of my feelings.  I felt a sense of hope for the future.  I felt love. 

I understand that it doesn’t work like this for everyone.  But I am pretty damn grateful that my husband understands how much emotional release I get from a well-executed, loving spanking.  The fact that he knew to give this to me, without my asking… well, damn people.  I sure feel like one lucky girl. 

I know this weekend was hard, Daddy…but thank you for taking care of me.  Thank you for knowing me so well and thank you for being willing to gift me this physical pain to help me release my emotional pain.  Your baby girl sure loves you ❤   



24 thoughts on “Let the tears flow

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  1. I’m so proud of you. I know that anniversaries of deaths and deceased loved ones birthdays can be extremely painful. But I’m glad that you have a husband who is there (with a cane in hand) for you in these times of need. He clearly loved you very much. I know you said you’re not an alcoholic. But the fact that you were sober on his birthday is huge. I’m a recovering alcoholic and anniversaries of bad times in my life. And the anniversaries of deaths of the people I loved were my huge triggers. So again I am so proud of you! Much love!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Grace Marie! Your support means a lot to me and thank you for being so open about your own struggles. I am grateful that I was able to easily walk away from alcohol, but I felt it needed to be done as I think I was starting to rely on it too much during painful times. But….going through these types of painful events as an adult, totally sober, was new to me…and damn, it hurt. I do feel so lucky to have Daddy in my life. He’s not perfect (and neither am I) but we sure love one another ❤


  2. Aww Nora, I wish I could physically hug you into oblivion right now! I am so glad Daddy was able to help you release your pent up emotions with a good sound and loving spanking. I understand that need entirely too well. Nothing else works quite like it. Well done you for jumping on the break up with alcohol wagon, I got on that a few years back and I can tell you, I never looked back. Clear headed, in control, and my memory is always crystal clear on events. I too have learned how to release my pain in a more positive way over the past 12 years and it makes for a much more balanced and happy life generally. Life is so hard sometimes and we tend to try and mask our emotions with a fuck it I don’t give a damn attitude, all that ends up doing is causing more pain and feelings of dismay at ourselves we truly don’t need.
    Self love all the way girl. you are amazing! Just know, this girl here loves you to bits too and I’m always here for you.
    So very glad Daddy knows exactly what you need when you need it. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this beautiful message, my naughtiest friend! This support means so much to me. I love what you had to say about dumping that crazy bitch named alcohol…she just doesn’t have anything good to offer. I love always feeling clear headed and being able to have a clear memory of events. Plus, when we were drinking together, Daddy and I used to fight sometimes, and I hated that. I don’t want to use alcohol as a crutch to get through my life. I want to fully experience it all….the good, the bad, and the ugly (but hopefully a lot of good!). And by the way… I think you are AMAZING! I am here for you too, and so grateful that we connected in this space ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. WordPress has been a revelation for me, I have made some very meaningful friendships that in any other walk of life would never have happened. You are very much at the top of that list my equally naughty friend! 💋💖

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Works the same for me! I’m glad you got the release you needed. My condolences this time of year. My moms birthday is this week. 6th one without her. I may be in need of a special caning myself. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sending you lots of hugs, Miss D…these birthdays/anniversaries are so hard. We have talked before about our moms… I know you miss her so much. I hope that you get some much needed pain release! Your Sir is definitely equipped for the job 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve come to realize that I need this, I hold so much in especially since losing my mom 7 years ago, that I can’t deal with the pain and it’s causing me more issues in my life. I’m so happy you have him to help you through this and how much he loves you. I am truly so sorry for your loss, the thought of losing my sister or brother would send me over the edge. Sending many many hugs your way.


    1. Sending you hugs, my friend… I am really sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my mom and my brother in the same year…and it has taken me years to recover. Losing her…it was the hardest thing as she was a part of my daily life and my best friend. My heart goes out to you. AND, I hope you find a partner who can give you this kind of release ❤


  5. I totally get this. Every year, round my mom’s birthday and again round the date of her passing, I am emotional and finding it very hard to get through the days. I know a spanking will definitely help, but mostly it’s music or a sad moment in a movie that helps me to release the pain, to cry until I feel cleansed. It will be four years in July.
    ~ Marie xox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sending lots of hugs, my friend ❤ Losing those that we love dearly is so hard. I am very glad that you have found ways to express this pain and get the release you need. XOXO


  6. I tend to always be thinking about spanking as discipline, but what your Daddy did for you here was much more powerful. It was healing catharsis. It was the essence of nurturing. It’s so good to know you’re being well taken care of. XO.

    Liked by 1 person

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