Daddy & I- The Talk #18+, NSFW

Hello, my friends!

I’d like to share some very exciting news with you today…but before I do so, I need to start at the beginning and tell you about some conversations that Daddy and I started having back in December….

For those of you who have been following my blog for some time, you know that Daddy and I have had some very positive (and sexy!) experiences with dominance and submission (D/s).  We’ve tried to incorporate D/s in a 24/7 kind of way on numerous occasions, but it just never quite fit for both of us.  What has stuck and works for us well is incorporating domestic discipline (DD) into our relationship.  You may think that I am splitting hairs, but D/s and DD are actually different concepts.  Adopting DD into our marriage has been a fantastic experience for us and it helps both of us to be much happier.  We have a DD contract, and it lists the rules and expectations we have set forth and what the consequences will be if I break any of those rules.

Daddy was uncomfortable with D/s and DD (initially) for a variety of reasons.  That may surprise you… but as a man socialized into the modern world, he was not exactly comfortable with spanking my bottom until I cried when we first began this journey (which is something I need).  This churned up a lot of uncomfortable feelings in him.  Ultimately, being raised by a single mom in a household of all women, he was taught deference to women.  For a variety of reasons, he grew up with low self-confidence and he identified more with being a follower than being a leader.  While he has come a LONG way from this mindset, it is still something he struggles with and is working on. 

Fast forward to today…where he shares a DD contract with his wife (little ol’ me 😊).  Having this contract in place allows him to feel comfortable with this dynamic.  We created the rules together and we mapped out the consequences together.  So, when he holds me accountable and gives me a spanking for breaking one of the rules, he knows that without a doubt, this is what I have consented to and that this is what I need from him.  He doesn’t have to worry he is being too strict, and he doesn’t have to determine if the punishment fits the crime…it is something we determined together beforehand.  This WORKS for us.  Daddy feels comfortable and at peace with our DD agreement, and I am happy in a marriage where I demonstrate great respect to my husband’s authority.  Plus…as you all know, I am naughty nora and I absolutely need spankings on occasion 😉. 

But, with all this said…as happy as Daddy and I are with our arrangement, there is still something missing for me.

While DD goes a long way toward meeting my needs, I have other needs as well.  I crave firm structure, rules, and strict accountability in my day-to-day life.  While I am a perfectly capable, educated, accomplished woman, I long for someone to micromanage my time to some extent.  I daydream about a world where I am subject to many rules and protocols and where I am consistently made to submit to the will of a person with a mind that can out-think my own.  I greatly desire to kneel, to be thoroughly inspected (mentally and physically), to be soundly disciplined for my naughtiness, and to be humiliated for someone’s pleasure (to a certain degree).  And, as my kinky friends will understand…this means that I am highly drawn to the world of D/s. 

Daddy and I have been together almost half our lives.  We have a bond that I like to think is indestructible…and we’ve tested that from time to time.  We have been through a lot during our nearly 20 years together…we have loved hard, we have ripped each other’s hearts out, and we have come back together, better and stronger (and wiser).  We are LIVING our lives and growing together.  So, him and I both knowing that I have a NEED for D/s in my life is not something we can just ignore. 

So, we had a long talk.

We talked about my needs and what Daddy is capable of giving me.  This was an exciting conversation, but also a painful one.  It is hard on Daddy knowing that he cannot meet all of my needs in this way.  He sees that he is not equipped to give me the D/s dynamic that I am craving… he knows that he is not consistent, he understands that he doesn’t quite have the creative mind necessary to make this work, and he doesn’t feel overly dominant over me…that is just not our relationship.  But, the man still wants me to have everything that I need.  This is astounding…this degree of selflessness.  And, please excuse my French, but my husband is FUCKING brave.   I AM the luckiest woman on the planet.  And, after a long discussion, Daddy has agreed to allow me to search for a Dominant who can give me the D/s dynamic that I am needing.

As you are reading this, you may be thinking…damn, is this girl off her rocker?   She is so selfish!  And, maybe I am.  Maybe it is the whole, “having your cake and eating it too” philosophy.  I am married to an AMAZING man.  He is hardworking, capable, and he loves me unconditionally.  And, by seeking out a person to dominate me… I am putting my husband’s heart and feelings at risk. 

So, you are probably wondering, as I have wondered myself…why move forward on this?  Why risk the most precious thing in my world?  And, I don’t have a good answer for you, one that will make sense anyway.  But for me…gifting my submission to the right person is akin to breathing.  I NEED this experience.  I HAVE to know what it is like.  Even if I only get this one chance in my entire life… I have to find out if this is what has been missing for me.

Daddy supports this.  He may be the only other person on this planet that gets me…but he understand that this is more than a “want”…he understands that I must take this journey.  So…we have established some boundaries on what this experience will mean for me.  First, he must approve of my choice of Dominant.  He will review the communications between myself and this person and make sure that he feels this is safe and that this person has my best interests at heart.  Two, I must remain anonymous in the beginning….until trust is established.  That means that this person will have to accept me as “naughty nora” and be comfortable not knowing my true identity until long after we have been engaged in a D/s dynamic. Three, this will be primarily on-line, with the possibility of moving to Zoom or telephone calls in the future.  Four, at any time…if this becomes too much… I will have to call things off. 

This is a HUGE step for us.  I am both nervous and excited.  But first things first… finding a suitable candidate for the job!  Someone who is smart, quick, fair, creative, and very interested in accountability and discipline.  And, I would like someone with some experience…who knows the ins and outs of a D/s dynamic or being someone’s disciplinarian.  I don’t want to have to “teach” D/s or “top from the bottom” in the beginning.  It would be best if he were also married, so he would better understand that my marriage will always come first (and I will respect that his marriage must come first in his life).  I am laughing a bit at myself right now…I feel like the Universe is chuckling and saying, “Oh, is that all, nora?  Let me get right on that for you…”. 

I am hopeful and VERY excited!  And, I will respect the boundaries my husband has laid out.

Now…how to go about finding myself an experienced Dom who will be willing to take on a naughty, married submissive?  All advice welcome. 

Wish me luck, my friends!

XOXO,

nora