Daddy & I- The Talk #18+, NSFW

Hello, my friends!

I’d like to share some very exciting news with you today…but before I do so, I need to start at the beginning and tell you about some conversations that Daddy and I started having back in December….

For those of you who have been following my blog for some time, you know that Daddy and I have had some very positive (and sexy!) experiences with dominance and submission (D/s).  We’ve tried to incorporate D/s in a 24/7 kind of way on numerous occasions, but it just never quite fit for both of us.  What has stuck and works for us well is incorporating domestic discipline (DD) into our relationship.  You may think that I am splitting hairs, but D/s and DD are actually different concepts.  Adopting DD into our marriage has been a fantastic experience for us and it helps both of us to be much happier.  We have a DD contract, and it lists the rules and expectations we have set forth and what the consequences will be if I break any of those rules.

Daddy was uncomfortable with D/s and DD (initially) for a variety of reasons.  That may surprise you… but as a man socialized into the modern world, he was not exactly comfortable with spanking my bottom until I cried when we first began this journey (which is something I need).  This churned up a lot of uncomfortable feelings in him.  Ultimately, being raised by a single mom in a household of all women, he was taught deference to women.  For a variety of reasons, he grew up with low self-confidence and he identified more with being a follower than being a leader.  While he has come a LONG way from this mindset, it is still something he struggles with and is working on. 

Fast forward to today…where he shares a DD contract with his wife (little ol’ me 😊).  Having this contract in place allows him to feel comfortable with this dynamic.  We created the rules together and we mapped out the consequences together.  So, when he holds me accountable and gives me a spanking for breaking one of the rules, he knows that without a doubt, this is what I have consented to and that this is what I need from him.  He doesn’t have to worry he is being too strict, and he doesn’t have to determine if the punishment fits the crime…it is something we determined together beforehand.  This WORKS for us.  Daddy feels comfortable and at peace with our DD agreement, and I am happy in a marriage where I demonstrate great respect to my husband’s authority.  Plus…as you all know, I am naughty nora and I absolutely need spankings on occasion 😉. 

But, with all this said…as happy as Daddy and I are with our arrangement, there is still something missing for me.

While DD goes a long way toward meeting my needs, I have other needs as well.  I crave firm structure, rules, and strict accountability in my day-to-day life.  While I am a perfectly capable, educated, accomplished woman, I long for someone to micromanage my time to some extent.  I daydream about a world where I am subject to many rules and protocols and where I am consistently made to submit to the will of a person with a mind that can out-think my own.  I greatly desire to kneel, to be thoroughly inspected (mentally and physically), to be soundly disciplined for my naughtiness, and to be humiliated for someone’s pleasure (to a certain degree).  And, as my kinky friends will understand…this means that I am highly drawn to the world of D/s. 

Daddy and I have been together almost half our lives.  We have a bond that I like to think is indestructible…and we’ve tested that from time to time.  We have been through a lot during our nearly 20 years together…we have loved hard, we have ripped each other’s hearts out, and we have come back together, better and stronger (and wiser).  We are LIVING our lives and growing together.  So, him and I both knowing that I have a NEED for D/s in my life is not something we can just ignore. 

So, we had a long talk.

We talked about my needs and what Daddy is capable of giving me.  This was an exciting conversation, but also a painful one.  It is hard on Daddy knowing that he cannot meet all of my needs in this way.  He sees that he is not equipped to give me the D/s dynamic that I am craving… he knows that he is not consistent, he understands that he doesn’t quite have the creative mind necessary to make this work, and he doesn’t feel overly dominant over me…that is just not our relationship.  But, the man still wants me to have everything that I need.  This is astounding…this degree of selflessness.  And, please excuse my French, but my husband is FUCKING brave.   I AM the luckiest woman on the planet.  And, after a long discussion, Daddy has agreed to allow me to search for a Dominant who can give me the D/s dynamic that I am needing.

As you are reading this, you may be thinking…damn, is this girl off her rocker?   She is so selfish!  And, maybe I am.  Maybe it is the whole, “having your cake and eating it too” philosophy.  I am married to an AMAZING man.  He is hardworking, capable, and he loves me unconditionally.  And, by seeking out a person to dominate me… I am putting my husband’s heart and feelings at risk. 

So, you are probably wondering, as I have wondered myself…why move forward on this?  Why risk the most precious thing in my world?  And, I don’t have a good answer for you, one that will make sense anyway.  But for me…gifting my submission to the right person is akin to breathing.  I NEED this experience.  I HAVE to know what it is like.  Even if I only get this one chance in my entire life… I have to find out if this is what has been missing for me.

Daddy supports this.  He may be the only other person on this planet that gets me…but he understand that this is more than a “want”…he understands that I must take this journey.  So…we have established some boundaries on what this experience will mean for me.  First, he must approve of my choice of Dominant.  He will review the communications between myself and this person and make sure that he feels this is safe and that this person has my best interests at heart.  Two, I must remain anonymous in the beginning….until trust is established.  That means that this person will have to accept me as “naughty nora” and be comfortable not knowing my true identity until long after we have been engaged in a D/s dynamic. Three, this will be primarily on-line, with the possibility of moving to Zoom or telephone calls in the future.  Four, at any time…if this becomes too much… I will have to call things off. 

This is a HUGE step for us.  I am both nervous and excited.  But first things first… finding a suitable candidate for the job!  Someone who is smart, quick, fair, creative, and very interested in accountability and discipline.  And, I would like someone with some experience…who knows the ins and outs of a D/s dynamic or being someone’s disciplinarian.  I don’t want to have to “teach” D/s or “top from the bottom” in the beginning.  It would be best if he were also married, so he would better understand that my marriage will always come first (and I will respect that his marriage must come first in his life).  I am laughing a bit at myself right now…I feel like the Universe is chuckling and saying, “Oh, is that all, nora?  Let me get right on that for you…”. 

I am hopeful and VERY excited!  And, I will respect the boundaries my husband has laid out.

Now…how to go about finding myself an experienced Dom who will be willing to take on a naughty, married submissive?  All advice welcome. 

Wish me luck, my friends!

XOXO,

nora  

                     

62 thoughts on “Daddy & I- The Talk #18+, NSFW

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  1. I love that you are both brave enough to be that open and honest with each other about your needs. Communication and support skills are off the chart between you two!
    If any two people can pull this off then I believe it is you and Daddy.
    I’m a firm believer that once you recognise a truth, you must acknowledge it and deal with it, to ignore it means you are lying to yourself essentially.
    Good luck my naughty friend I am very excited to read how your new journey progresses! 💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Gemma! I really appreciate your support in this. This IS a big step for us to take and open and honest communication is paramount. With that said… I am very excited to be given the opportunity to take this journey! 2021 is going to be full of new adventures!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s exciting! I hope you find what (who) you’re looking for. If you haven’t tried fetlife, I would suggest making a profile there and outlining what you’d like and who you are. Good luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the suggestion, Violette! I really appreciate the advice. Is FetLife something you have personally tried? I have heard from a few about some negative experiences…just curious if you have had a good experience there. Would love to hear more 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Nora, yes I’ve had good experiences there. I’m no longer on there but I used to write about a Dom I met on there. He was really good for me and helped me explore how I felt about being submissive. Since you have a husband who will most likely share the account with you, I would say you would mostly get respectful doms. There was a man from England who wanted to be my Dom and I only wanted someone in person so it didn’t work but the benefit is that you can meet people from all over the world since you want it online. Just be very specific in your profile and say the kinds of things you are into and also who you are looking for and I’d say you will get some good responses. My issue is that it takes a lot of energy to get to know new people and I don’t have it in me right now. But I hope that whatever you do, that you find some nice men and enjoy the process.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I really appreciate you sharing this, Violette! I am glad to hear that it is possible to meet respectful Doms there, and not just people looking to “hook up”. I am looking for an on-line only situation, so hopefully there will be another married person looking for the same thing. You have given me much hope, my friend! Thank you 🙂 XOXO

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow Nora . I am thoroughly impressed with your husband that he knows, loves , respects and trusts you to lengths I have never seen. I couldn’t do it. I know that enough about myself. So kudos to your man. On the flip side, good luck finding someone, a couple, that are looking for this dynamic. Good on you. You only live once. Boy would I have loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation. I am curious how you brought up the multiple points you discussed. Very excited for you. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the support, MJ! I really, really appreciate it. I wasn’t quite sure how my readers would take this news and I was a little worried about judgment. I will share with you that these talks began after my last “almost” D/s dynamic ended. That situation, with the man I used to refer to as Implacable, started quite organically as he was a reader of my blog. In any case, when that didn’t work out…. I knew that I still really wanted to have a D/s dynamic in my life. Daddy and I talked about it A LOT. And I will assure you, that I will not do anything that he doesn’t allow….and he believes that. It does take a lot of trust, and, I do know that this is hard for him emotionally. But, one thing he always tells me is that he wants me fully happy…not living life on the side lines, wishing for something else. I am the luckiest girl in the world…with the best husband. I look forward to sharing more about my adventures over the coming weeks!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nooo, no judgement. We are creative thinkers here. And if you run across one, fuck em. Ya, just have to hand it to your husband. Not to beat a dead horse. Not everyone is that open minded. I can say I don’t know if I could handle knowing my wife was naked and over the lap of another man. But if that makes YOU happy, you only live once. Go for it.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I think we’ve had a miscommunication, my friend! The D/s dynamic that I am looking for will be on-line only. I know that might sound strange, but it can really be effective. I will never actually meet this person, nor will I be naked with him. My husband would NEVER allow that! But, he will allow me to communicate with someone daily, he will allow self-directed spankings, and acts of humiliation (for example, me standing in the corner). And, if we really connect… I will be having a relationship (a virtual one) with this person. But all of this will happen through email, instant messaging, on Zoom, telephone, and/or through pictures. I follow many people who end up having very satisfying D/s dynamics this way.

          Liked by 1 person

            1. So, knowing this….would that make you more comfortable with the idea (if it were your wife)? I am just curious. It was still a very hard thing for my husband to say yes to, as a D/s dynamic is a very intimate relationship.

              Liked by 1 person

  4. Good luck Nora! Like your DD contract once you find a good candidate establishing your goals, likes dislikes, ins/outs, and a trial period you might find what you are looking for. Be careful. Screen well. There are a lot of wanna be’s out there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this advice, David! We will do our best to screen well, and not settle for just anyone. I want someone who is naturally dominant, intelligent, and planning to stick around for awhile. No short order!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nope! Not an easy job to fill. I understand your Daddy’s plight. I’m not the Dom my Kitten was looking for initially but we are figuring things out as we go along. I had to get my head on straight and although I have her submission in the bedroom I have a long way to go before we get to anything even close to ritual or 24/7. Fortunately, she is patient and we are committed. We will see where this takes us. It’s a journey.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I felt this on so many levels! I’m also an educated, intelligent, fully capable woman. But I crave submission because it’s the one time my head turns off. And I too had to beg my husband to do it. Because while he did spank me when we first met. He felt so guilty for years to come. To the point where I had Matt call him up and say I needed it. And couldn’t function and stay behaved (and sober) without it. And I don’t feel the same draw to DD that most women in our community do. But I’m so happy that you’re getting what you want! Keep us posted. And much love to you and your daddy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your support, Grace Marie! I think it is pretty special when a strong, educated, capable woman can admit that what she really needs is a good spanking 🙂 I really appreciate that you continue to follow my journey!

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    1. Hi andi! I have been following DD Jenny for a very long time and am up-to-date with her blog. I really appreciate the suggestion as Jennifer is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to domestic discipline and various kinks. Thank you for your advice AND your readership 🙂

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      1. Haha!! Don’t you dare! So happy for your exploration Nora. I wish I had advice like some of your other readers. But obviously I hope you find everything your naughty heart desires. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes, I know how intimate it can be. Don’t worry about us, like I said. We, I, the people here would most likely be the most accepting. But it only matters to you and to your DH. Don’t worry about me. Your question, about my wife, I think I could live with it. I am a very open minded individual. If my wife wanted a relationship with you say, yeh, I think I could live with that. It would be weird. It would take some getting used to. If that made her happy. If I were not as dominant as I know I am. If she were not as submissive. Maybe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is definitely something we have talked about, Christian! Thank you for bringing this up. I think that it might be easier on my husband if my dominant were a woman…. (and he would probably think it was hot!).

      Liked by 1 person

  7. What a beautiful adventure, Nora. I met Daddy on FetLife. It’s a social networking site, like Facebook… just for us kinky folks. Good and bad everywhere. There are also apps just for this sort of thing. I don’t remember any of them anymore, but I know they exist. Finding an online only Dom(me) on Fet will be easier than you think. I had a couple there before I met Daddy.

    On a more personal note, I’ve started to consider this same idea myself. Mental domination that overshadows all parts of my life is something I crave more than I have words for. That’s not how Daddy is wired. I’m not ready to bring it up to Him, but the thoughts are there. I look forward to reading about how it goes!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this advice, Succulent! Well, I will be sure to post about my adventures…and if it does all work out, maybe that might pave the way for you and your Daddy (giving you a place to start the conversation from).

      Liked by 1 person

  8. My apologies for the length of my comment. I hope it is taken as the friendly reassurance it is. I promise, it is worth every dime you paid for it. =0)
    You are not being selfish. As you said in your post, this is more than something you want. You need it. The negative consequences of not having your needs met are likely to be greater than those of ignoring those needs, carrying bravely on, and doing without them. There have been submissives in my life with whom I was unable find sufficient common ground, and we amicably went our separate ways. A few have contacted me later, hoping to find a way in which I could give them some of the domination and control that they need. Sometimes that was beneficial, at least temporarily. I am attempting to make the point that, while you worry about putting your marriage and your Daddy’s feelings at risk, the continued dearth of what you need is likely more risky for both. Possibly, catastrophically so. It appears that you have been open and frank with Daddy, always a good policy. Jointly, you and Daddy have devised a plan to deal with your special needs. That is reasonable, even prudent. Call it problem solving. It is not selfish. If you both continue to be frank and open in dealing with the inevitable snags that will appear, it will probably work.
    I like the candid, open, and healthy way you describe yourself, your desires, and your relationship.
    I wish you luck.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this incredibly thoughtful comment, Silkenlash! I agree with you that ignoring my needs would probably not work for us in the long run…which is why my husband opted to give this a try. He is very patient and generous. He is nervous about sharing me with another, but he also recognizes how this will positively benefit our marriage. Thank you for commenting today…it is always great to hear from a new reader! Do you have a blog that I can follow?

      Like

      1. No, I have no blog, Nora. Unfortunately, it has been some time since I had any experiences of the kind written about in this forum. But I do have several decades experience in what are now referred to as D/s and M/s relationships. But, I do miss it. Who knows? Perhaps another will come along, but it had better hurry. =0)
        Thank you for replying.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow Nora, what a beautiful thing to share with all of us. It is completely understandable to feel both nervous and excited about embarking on this journey. Not only due to the complexities of adding D/s while still maintaining the security and love in your marriage, though that is a lot! But also because sometimes it is terrifying to finally get the thing we crave most because we fear it may not be everything we hoped. I wish you all the best ❤

    And in terms of finding that perfect Dom. In my experience, it is best to let the Universe laugh at you and laugh right back. You are strong, educated, and capable, and it is not arrogant to know that. Similarly, you have needed this for so long, and it is not selfish to ask for that. Let the Universe laugh. After all you and Daddy have been through I'd like to see it try and stop you

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for this VERY supportive response, Clairevoyant! I really appreciate this. I do not plan on compromising with what I want…there are a certain amount of boxes that will have to be checked off for this person to be “the right” Dom for me. Thank you so much for continuing to follow my journey….you are very appreciated, my friend!

      Like

      1. You’re very welcome Nora! I don’t always comment, but I love following your blog. Your response to my original email meant a lot to me, and I appreciate you too. Excited to see what happens!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. This IS a huge step, Nora, but from what I read here, you and your husband have discussed this and looked at it from all sides, and there’s always the agreement to call this off when it gets too difficult for him. I think you are both amazing people for wanting to try this, and talking it through so thoroughly beforehand. Good luck with your search!
    ~ Marie xox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Marie! I really appreciate the support. We are trying to go into this, eyes wide open, with lots and lots of open, honest communication. And like you said…if it is too hard, or isn’t working out….we can call it off. Though, there will be a third heart involved so we will have to be very careful in how we handle that, if it should occur. I would never want to just drop someone, making them feel that they didn’t matter.

      Like

  11. As someone who loves his wife more than anything, but knowing that we don’t share the same feelings about DD, I understand where you’re coming from. If everything is open, and your husband is comfortable with it, I think what you’re doing could be very healthy for you and your marriage. In your husband’s situation, I would certainly support anything like this that made my wife happy. I think an online relationship can be safe, and I would view it more like a form of therapy she’s seeking that requires a specialist to provide. In the end, it sounds like your marriage is the most important thing, and you’ll always do what it takes to protect it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, franzcoughka! While the D/s relationship is for me…it is also for us, as a couple. He knows that me having my needs met is good for both of us, just as I want to all of his needs met. I will share with him what you wrote about my potential Dom being a therapist or Specialist of sorts…I think my husband will really connect with it framed that way. Thank you 🙂

      Like

  12. Good deal Nora, open lines of communication and being honest with one another are always the keys to a successful and vibrant relationship and growth together. Now that you have come to an agreement together as well as much talk about what it will and will not look like for you to have this D/s relationship with that special online Dom, I truly hope you are successful in finding the REAL deal and weeding out the wannabes…take your time and of course be safe sane and consensual…and further one of mutual respect as well

    Liked by 1 person

      1. There is an entire other spanking community on Blogger. Been following her for years. They are friendly and welcoming, just check her blog roll. She also publishes spanking novels. I’ve had a few stories posted on Fantasy Friday before and she welcomes submissions.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’ve familiar with Blogger. But, with time constraints, I limit my browsing to my WordPress feed (if not, I would never get anything done!). Thank you for the heads up though 🙂

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          1. That’s an easy fix. You can put any Blogger blog into your WordPress feed, or any site at all by copying and pasting the URL in the manage tab. I realize it can overwhelming though.

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