A sexy self-growth project- 30 days of D/s, part deux (Day 11) #18+, NSFW

Hello, my friends!

Almost four years ago, I participated in the Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s writing prompts and from this experience, I learned a lot about myself and about D/s.  Recently, I embarked on re-reading my former posts and realized that so much of what I have written in the past was either no longer relevant, or, my views on the topics had evolved into something else entirely.  I thought it might be fun to share my before and now posts, side by side.

Also, please note that while I refer to a Dominant as “He” and a submissive as “she” in my writing, this is only done to reflect my own experiences. I do not believe that either role is more inherent to a particular gender.

Keeping it kinky!

XOXO,

nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 11

Prompt: Most of us think of consent as a “Yes” or a “No” when it comes to sex. But really, whether in a vanilla or kinky relationship, there’s more to consent than that. Plus, some D/s relationships play with consensual non-consent. Some relationships have a rule that as long as the submissive is with the Dominant, consent is implied. See? Much more than a yes or no question. Think about consent and what it means to you.

February 1, 2021

As I read back on my words from 2017, I see that not much as changed between Daddy and I with regard to consent.  He observes my hard limits and respects my safe word, so as far as I am concerned…he has my consent to do or try whatever else he would like (and most likely… I will enjoy it😊).  I am becoming more comfortable with pushing my limits and honestly…having my limits pushed is part of the fun.  While not a fan of surprises in most areas of my life…the bedroom is definitely a place where surprises can be thrilling!

As my particular kink centers on spanking as discipline, the idea of consensual non-consent is very attractive.  Once trust is established, I want to give my consent…and then leave it in the hands of the man who is dominating me.  When turned over a strong knee for a spanking, I am the type of girl who cries and begs and pleads for my spanking to end.  Losing control of the situation is what I crave.  Being spanked past the point of tears is what I need…so, I don’t want my Dominant to stop just because I’m crying “no, please, stop… I’ll be good!” as he spanks my bottom candy-apple red for my misbehavior.  In essence, I need to be thoroughly dominated and I don’t want to have to stop, pause the scene, and give my consent if he decides to mix it up a bit.  But of course, this takes a good deal of trust and two people sharing many experiences together.

I’ll leave it at that for now…most of what I said in 2017 still rings true.  Thank you for following me on this journey, my friends 😊     

  


May 30, 2017

Consent is of the upmost importance in all relationships, as well as in D/s dynamics.  To provide consent, means that an individual expresses approval or agreement regarding the act in question.  As I move forward in my education about dominance and submission, I am learning that there are many different kinds of D/s lifestyles but that they all begin with the submissive providing consent to his/her dominant regarding the lifestyle that has been chosen.  In some relationships, consent may be required numerous times as the couple explores new situations together.  However, in my marriage, my consent was given to my husband just the one time when we decided to incorporate domestic discipline into our relationship.

The consent that I gave my husband was my approval of him handling my discipline.  He expects me to act respectfully to him at all times and to obey his rules.  If I disrespect him, displease him, or disobey him then he will discipline me, which typically means a spanking.  At the start of our journey with D/s, I gave my consent to be spanked as Daddy sees fit.  My husband does not ask my permission each time he disciplines me as it has been agreed up that my consent has already been given.

I am realizing as I move forward in our D/s journey that Daddy and I are rather “vanilla” when it comes to sex.  While we do spice things up a little with anal plugs and the occasional use of the spreader bar, we typically just have really good, yummy sex until we both orgasm.  Daddy doesn’t inflict pain upon me during sex.  There really isn’t anything we do or try that would require additional consent on my part.  To date, we have only done one “scene” which I requested of him.  During our scene, he gave me a mild spanking after which he laid me on the bed on my tummy.  He restrained my hands above my head and placed my ankles in the spreader bar.  He then proceeded to slide our large metal plug in and out of my bottom.  While this wasn’t painful, it was humiliating (for me) and I did cry a little.  However, it was something that I asked Daddy for as a reminder of who I belonged to.  After, he held me and then we had fantastic sex.  This was all consensual.

Perhaps in the future, Daddy may want something from me that would require my additional consent.  However, because we have no trouble communicating about such matters, I feel he would openly and directly ask me about whatever it was he was wanting to try.  If I was uncomfortable doing it, I would have no qualms about expressing that to him and I have no doubt that he would respect my feelings on the matter.

8 thoughts on “A sexy self-growth project- 30 days of D/s, part deux (Day 11) #18+, NSFW

Add yours

  1. I love what you said! I think people who know my story would be like “she hates being surprised in the bedroom. Must be so traumatizing.” But actually with someone I trust it’s all of the fun. While I see the appeal for some. Consensual nonconsent doesn’t personally appeal to me. I am also the type of girl who cries and begs for a spanking to stop. But for us Sawyer stops the spanking makes sure I’m not exhibiting any signs of a PTSD trigger. And then continues. And a lot of people don’t do this but it works for us is when he’s about to spank (or do anything else to me) he always asks “do you consent to this spanking” and while that does present me with an opportunity to get out of a spanking. I never will. My conscience could never deal with that sort of lying. We both know that and him asking makes us both more comfortable.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmmm spanking til you cry. I may have to try that some day. I have to admit seeing the tears from gagging is hot so maybe that will be as well. I usually expect mascara for effect.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is beautiful. I’m a purist when it comes to disciplinary spanking, and I want the authority, judgment and control to feel as authentic as possible. The underlying consent has been shoved under the bed or somewhere so it won’t distract from the psychology of punishment. I think in any sexual expression of domination and submission, it must feel real, or my excitement will be limited.

    It sounds like this is how your discipline works. You have the level of trust required to take it to that place where you’re not in control, and where you must accept whatever decisions are made on your behalf. I love that. If I understand correctly, you only continue to give consent to these conditions because you feel safe. Being in trouble can cause some real anxiety, and I imagine it’s the feeling of safety that allows you to lose control and be thoroughly dominated.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are exactly right, franzcoughka! If we stop and explore consent each time, it loses that feeling of authenticity for me. I need to feel that complete loss of control. I need to know that I have misbehaved and that I will be taken in hand and that I won’t be able to stop it. But…as you pointed out….I also need to inherently feel safe with my partner, so that I am comfortable losing that control to him….

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I think consensual non-consent gives real power to the idea that your husband is Daddy. I must admit that I find your using of that honorific exciting. I know for many kinky people the associations feel wrong, but that’s my favorite dynamic in the realm of D/s. Daddy’s authority is real, and in a way that is both strict and nurturing. There’s an affection and respect in that word that is different than other expressions of BDSM and something very primal. His love and respect for her is only amplified. A spanking from Daddy when you’ve misbehaved is a uniquely authentic experience, and I’m really happy you have that in your life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, franzcoughka! I recognize that the use of “Daddy” doesn’t work for some, but it sure works for me. Like you said…it implies both authority and a nurturing (for those of us fortunate enough to have had a loving father figure). It also gives me cause to feel small, little, and under his authority. Thank you for being happy for me… I do feel very fortunate to have such a loving husband who understands me so well, and not only accepts being “Daddy” but relishes it.

      Liked by 2 people

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