A sexy self-growth project- 30 days of D/s, part deux (Day 10) #18+, NSFW

Hello, my friends!

Almost four years ago, I participated in the Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s writing prompts and from this experience, I learned a lot about myself and about D/s.  Recently, I embarked on re-reading my former posts and realized that so much of what I have written in the past was either no longer relevant, or, my views on the topics had evolved into something else entirely.  I thought it might be fun to share my before and now posts, side by side.

Also, please note that while I refer to a Dominant as “He” and a submissive as “she” in my writing, this is only done to reflect my own experiences. I do not believe that either role is more inherent to a particular gender.

Keeping it kinky!

XOXO,

nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 10

So, the question today is, what’s your safeword? If you don’t want to have one, why not?

January 2021

This is an area where I have most certainly evolved!  While I initially believed that Daddy and I did not need a safe word, as we began to experiment with different things- things where he may not know what my limits were because I did not know what my limits were- having a safe word in place became very important.  And, on two occasions, I have used my safe word with Daddy.

The first time was quite awhile ago.  Daddy and I had invested in an under-the-bed restraint system, which leaves me spread eagle and completely immobile.  As someone who suffers a touch of claustrophobia, being fully restrained like this does cause some uncomfortable sensations.  While I was able to handle this, and enjoyed the experience of being completely at his mercy, there was one thing we tried while I was fully immobile that I could not handle.  Ginger figging.

Now, I wasn’t new to figging.  In fact, Daddy finds this a very effective way to discipline me when I have been naughty.  If you’ve never had a ginger fig up your bottom, consider yourself lucky!  The sting is incredibly intense, and you are unable to think of anything but that nasty little fig in your naughty hole.  But this time… Daddy strapped me down to the bed, fully nude and on my tummy, and inserted the ginger fig.  I lasted a few minutes, but then the sensation of being trapped became so overwhelming that I had to use my safeword for the first time.  I didn’t want to, but I began to panic in my mind.  Daddy immediately released me and took the fig out.  He held me for a long time that day, realizing the significance of what had just happened.  But, the safeword worked as intended and stopped the scene immediately. 

The second time that I used my safeword was fairly recently.  I was dealing with some pretty intense emotional pain surrounding the loss of a friendship.  I asked Daddy to spank me severely to help me release some of the pain.  This has always been an approach that has worked in the past and helped me to feel better.  But for some reason…it did not work this time.  And almost right after he started, I realized that a spanking was not what I was needing.  I used my safeword and Daddy immediately stopped.  This time though, he checked in with me a bit more, making sure that I didn’t want to try again, as he knows that this is usually something that helps me to feel better.  When he realized that this was not the right approach, he got into bed and held me close, whispering reassuring words to me until I was feeling better.  He then gave me a magnificent orgasm…which was a beautiful distraction from my pain.  

I do think that when connecting with someone new in the D/s realm, having a safeword is incredibly important.  One may need a safeword to be able to stop a scene, or, if the dynamic is mostly on-line/on the phone/Zoom, etc., the submissive may need a safeword if things get too intense in an emotional way.  Having a safeword allows for the pushing of boundaries and enjoying new experiences, while knowing that a submissive can stop a scene if necessary. 

I must say…I am very much enjoying returning to these prompts and witnessing the ways that I have evolved over time.  Thank you for joining me!       


    

May 2017

Daddy and I do not have a safe word.  We made this decision together at the start of our D/s relationship five months ago as we both felt that it was important for Daddy to have the ultimate control over my body.  If we had a safe word, I would have control over my own discipline, have the ability to make it stop when I wanted to, and this was not appealing to either of us.  Having spent 14 years together, I fully trust Daddy with my life, with everything…and especially with my discipline.

Daddy doles out pretty harsh spankings when I earn them.  There are many times during a spanking when I am crying out “please no” or “please stop Daddy” because in the moment, I cannot imagine taking any more.  However, I am always able to take his spankings, even when I am pushed passed my pain threshold and cry real tears.  It is not uncommon for me to have a sore bottom for several days after as my bottom is bruised from the paddle or cane.  In our marriage, this is the sign of an effective spanking and I am far less likely to displease Daddy in whichever way earned me the spanking in the first place.  That’s just what works for us.  If I were able to use a safe word, and stop my own discipline, Daddy would never be able to get me to “that place”.  I’ve heard other submissives refer to it as “sub space”.  For me, it is the place where I truly learn that my poor behavior was unacceptable and that Daddy is going to make me change.  And…though extremely painful… I love being in that place. Thanks to Daddy’s discipline, I am becoming a much better person and a much better wife.

Daddy and I had a great conversation about hard and soft limits last night (the discussion prompt for Day #9).  It was comforting that we are, as always, on the same page.  I am far more adventurous sexually than he is, but he is willing to try some of the activities we learned about from Loving BDSM’s kink checklist (gosh, we are so vanilla in some ways!).  He told me that he would buy a special collar for me that he will put on me in the evenings sometimes, to give me a physical reminder of who I belong to.  I know that I am incredibly lucky to have a Daddy that I can trust, who has my best interests at heart, and who values and protects our marriage.

Thank you for being you Daddy!  I love you, yesterday, today, and always.

Your little girl,

nora   

21 thoughts on “A sexy self-growth project- 30 days of D/s, part deux (Day 10) #18+, NSFW

Add yours

  1. Great examples of using a safeword and why it’s important to have them. Daddy and I discussed safewords early on and established the stop light system. They were not really needed until we started venturing into impact play and full restraints. To date a full stop RED hasn’t been used, but yellows have been uttered a few times. Fun read! I’m enjoying following your growth. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for stopping by, Succulent! I will share a funny story. Early on, before I had done much research, I randomly picked “yellow” as my safeword (because I like this color and I figured I wouldn’t forget it)…later on, I learn that this is part of the stop light system which gave me a huge giggle! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. We’ve had safe words since the very beginning. We use the color system. Which has worked out and we haven’t really actually used it. But I use Waffles for anything that triggers my PTSD. And we use opening and closing my hand 3 times for a nonverbal safe word. The one time that was needed. We’ve used waffles the most. The most vivid safe word memory I have was when we also got some restraints. He learned how to do rope and tie me down. And it triggered my PTSD so bad that I locked up and sort of shut down. And locked up straight as a board. And that’s why we have a safe word. Because usually what he says goes. But if what he says triggers me than what I say goes. It’s a safety net. Not a tool to get out of punishment.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You make an excellent point about having a nonverbal safe word/signal, Grace Marie! If a submissive is gagged, the use of a safe signal is very important. I know you’ve mentioned that you don’t use gags, but this is an important aspect that I should have addressed in this post. Great catch!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I love the side by side posts! I’ve contemplated going back to read some of my old writings to see if they hold true. 💜
    I have a safe word but I’ve only used it twice. Though just knowing I have it I think helps me work through some issues.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi shygirl! Thank you for stopping by my blog. Personally, I would love to read your posts if/when you decide to go back and comparisons. It has been a very eye opening experience for me. When you had to safeword…what are the events that led to needing it? Naughty minds would love to know😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. It is interesting how you think you’re going to react one way, but then something else completely different happens. Of course this isn’t always the case, but every so now and then. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I think your evolution on this makes good sense. Depending on how you communicate and what you like experimenting with, a safe word can be critical. My wife and I didn’t know about a safe word when we started into kinky things, and we’ve never needed one. If she’s not into something at that moment, she just says so. I’m never going to think a simple explanation is not to be taken seriously, but the things we do don’t put her in a position where she could be trapped into something unbearable. If she wanted a safe word, that would be fine with me, and I wouldn’t consider it a failure should she have a reason to use it.

    I still think of punishment spanking like it was growing up. There’s no safe word. It’s the psychology you can’t completely replicate as consenting adults, but the total surrender to, and trust of, authority is still an exciting idea.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can absolutely understand this, my friend! My husband and I have been together for quite some time, and initially, I didn’t feel we needed a safe word either…because we weren’t exploring with anything that made us too uncomfortable. He did have to learn to ignore my “please stop Daddy!” when he spanks my bottom though, as I am one of those naughty girls who cries and begs a lot during a spanking. But, I have absolute faith that he would stop if I were to use our safeword.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Taking her to that place where she’s a naughty little girl crying and begging over Daddy’s knee would be incredibly special, though not easy. I can see how your husband wanted to be cautious. If it did go into that territory, and she needed it to stop, I believe I would be able to tell from what she said and the tone of her voice. It is on the edge, though – with no safe word, it’s like falling backwards and relying on Daddy to catch you before you hit the floor. Nothing is more valuable than trust, so a safe word may be needed in order to avoid any chance of misunderstanding.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, you are so right, my friend! Trust is very valuable. Like you are saying, I believe my husband would be able to tell if he were taking me too far…but, it is a good idea to have a safe word just in case 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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