Up, off my knees

Hello, my dear readers,

I am sure that most of you know the bitter pain of heart break, so you might empathize with where I find myself now.  Daddy and I are on solid ground, of that you can always be sure.  But my love affair, my potential D/s dynamic with two people that I hold very dear to my heart, is over.  As a writer, you must understand that I have to get these words out of my heart and onto the page.  The following is not intended to cause pain.  It is just this girl, the girl you once wanted to kneel before you and call you Sir, processing her emotions and trying to find peace in her heart.  This is my way of saying goodbye to a beautiful dream.

❤ ❤ ❤


It was here, on my blog, where our serendipitous introduction took place, so it only felt fitting to this girl that this is where I say my goodbye to the one who pulled me out of the darkness.  I have kneeled before you for so long now, in vain…but it is time for me to stand up, turn my face to the sun, and say goodbye to the beautiful dream of you and me. 

Of course, you have already said your goodbyes…firmly shutting the door on my submission, while my heart has tried to catch up.  You tell me that you need to focus on other things now, and there is just no room for my submission in your life.  I readily accept this, as I love her too…and I do not want to ever cause my lady a moment of unhappiness or insecurity.  I promise the both of you that you will never hear a whisper of my submission again. 

You should know that I always knew that you were just finding your footing in this realm.  My eyes were wide open on that front.  I encouraged you and complimented your dominance to help you grow in your confidence in this role.  Truth be told, I am guessing that you have more dominance in your pinky finger than ninety-nine percent of the so called “Doms” out there, you just need more experience.  I have no doubt that you will become the Master you wish to be, and that you and your beautiful submissive will live out your desires.  Despite your inexperience…I believed in you and in your dream.  I thought that we could grow together in our respective roles, with your needs and desires being central to the dynamic between the three of us, and her needs always being above my own.  I was very comfortable and secure in this thought, and it did not make me feel second best or less than.  I do not think this dream was ignorant or selfish on your part and I am only sorry that we cannot find a way to make it a reality.

With that said, dreams change and evolve as we evolve and grow.  Your new dream is endlessly beautiful, and I have no doubt that the two of you will find much happiness and peace on the next leg of your journey together.  Despite my own feelings of loss and rejection, I am overjoyed that you have promised your beloved that this was the last time, and that she will never again have to face you wanting to bring someone else into your world.  She deserves nothing less than your undivided attention.

Thank you for the time and affection you bestowed upon me.  I have learned so much from you and have greatly benefited from your wisdom and guidance.  You offered to remain my friend and correspondent, and of course…yes. You, and my lady, are always welcome in my life.  The two of you may have to show me what that friendship will look like, and where the boundaries lie, but I will forever be your faithful pen pal if you wish me to be. I will move forward in this endeavor with as much grace as possible.

I do not know what the future holds for me on the D/s front.  I very much doubt that I will meet another wickedly smart, faithful, married, dominant man who desires to guide and shape the mind of a married submissive girl, who will always put her marriage to her husband in front of her submission to him as her dominant. Who else would write to this girl for a full year before ever learning her real name? Of course, you know much more than that now as you’ve had many a glimpse into my heart.  The opportunity between the four of us may have been of the once-in-a-lifetime variety.  But still…no regrets on this end, my friends.

Of the mantras you created for me, this one has never meant more than it does today.

“I will put aside my restlessness, wanting what seems beyond reach.

I will instead reflect upon what I have done to make my desires real.

And know that I have done all that I should.

The rest will happen when the time is right.

I shall seek the grace to put the tumult aside and be at peace.” ~ Created by Implacable & My Lady ❤

Thank you for not stringing me along and thank you for being who you are.  This is one last song, for the both of you…to honor the beauty of yesterday’s dream.

With the greatest respect and affection,


❤ ❤ ❤

And to my readers…thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey.  Please remember, my friends… 

“When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and pray for rain” ~ A.Gibson

39 thoughts on “Up, off my knees

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      1. I’m just so sad for you that it didn’t work out, but as you say, at least you no longer have to wonder. It’s small solace right now darling, but your heart will heal and I am absolutely sure that you will find a D/s dynamic that will fit in the future. Take time to heal and you know you can always drop in on me any time you want or need a quiet (I promise I can be quiet sometimes) understanding shoulder to lean on from someone who just gets it without the big explanation. Huge (((((((HUGS)))))) my darling, I wish I had a magic wand to take the pain away. 💋💖💖💖

        Liked by 3 people

  1. I have no words of wisdom. I know the pain of taking back one’s submission. I thought I wouldn’t find another to give it to, one who would deserve it and treasure. But I did.
    And I believe you will too one day, my friend. Take time to heal. When you are ready, or not even expecting it, it will come for you.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Wow I’m so sorry…I’m sara I’m 43 and a submissive for years i just ran across ur blog somewhere and i have been silent for a bit .. 🙂 I’m sry for what happened i was in ur shoes one abt 5 years ago but it was i who grew bc he taught me so i moved on as did he..we both got hurt in the process but learned so much..i actually miss him..he was my first true dominant .. but u have to move on the one will come along..but u will as always keep this one in ur heart ..I’m thinking

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I’m sorry Nora! You must be experiencing a sense of loss now. That is never fun—but if you can retain them as friends, some good will come from this. (In addition to the experiences you’ve already had). I send hugs too.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The one painful thing we learn is that NOTHING is forever and if there’s a “trick” to dealing with inevitability, it’s to quickly learn how to be in and enjoy every single moment and as if what you have will be taken from you or lost any moment now. When we do lose it, it never feels good but just as things happen when they happen, they end when they’re supposed to end and it’s never easy to just say, “Okay…” and keep it moving before understanding that you will always have the memories and making the decision to leave that aspect alone… or to look for more of the same elsewhere. The only thing worse than this kind of loss is to have regrets over not pursuing that which you need to feel whole and complete. As it’s said, one door closes… and another one opens.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hello Nora love. As I mentioned to you in an email I had to cut it off with a dear friend who was going to be my sub. So as someone who on a certain level understands where you’re coming from. I’m here. Now pet the dogs for me. And it’ll be okay. Hugs and kisses 😘

    Liked by 1 person

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