Darker days

Part of living is having dark days. 

While I have plenty to be grateful for, I’ve also experienced despair and loss, like most.  I try to stay on top of my mental/emotional state… I journal, exercise, eat healthy, and do my best not to engage in the tipple too much (no one’s perfect).  I try to do things that bring me joy.  I don’t want to sink into the darkness.  And yet, sometimes I feel powerless to stop it and those cold, dark tentacles reach for me, pulling me under.

This time of year, I find myself missing my mom so much.  This marks five Thanksgivings without her.  When she was alive, we would have been uber busy this week with holiday preparations and of course, taking a day for lunch and birthday shopping.  My mom and dad both used to tell the story of the only year that my mom failed to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner for the family…the year I made my entrance into this world.  But this year, like many of you I am guessing, my remaining family and I won’t be getting together for the holidays.  While I know that this is the right thing to do, it doesn’t make it any less painful. 

My long-time readers know that this week marks a very trying time in Daddy and I’s marriage as well.  It has been six years since learning of his affair, the day before Thanksgiving…well, needless to say those particular memories are difficult to cope with.  While most of the time I feel healed from this event…painful memories are rearing their ugly heads this week.     

Being isolated doesn’t help.  Like many, I’ve been working from home since March.  As a fairly social creature this has taken a toll, despite my best efforts to stay occupied and find ways to enjoy social connection.  I didn’t share this with you, my friends, but about a month ago, Daddy and I contracted Covid-19 and I was very ill.  Recovery has taken weeks and I still have not completely regained my stamina.

As I read back through this post, I can’t help but think…somebody call the waaaabumulance!  These are trying times, for us all.  I am no different and my pain is no greater than the pain that you suffer.  If you are feeling low today, my friend, please know that you have a friend in me and I’m always here for a chat or virtual hug. 

While it may be raining in my heart, I will venture out and let the sun shine upon my face today.  Thank you for lending an ear (well, a set of eyes anyway 😊).  I promise my next post will be all spankings and rainbows.

With love,

Nora

      

32 thoughts on “Darker days

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  1. Darling Nora and Daddy too, I am so sorry you have suffered with this dreadful virus, but I am relieved to hear you are recovering albeit very slowly. Take your time girl, there is no race to run here. Take your time to regain your energy and well being. As for the waaaambulance, don’t ever! You have every right to air how you feel to your friends here. We all love and support you, especially through the dark days gorgeous lady. Especially through the dark days.
    That’s how we all get back to rainbows and spankings and giggling over who will switch who’s bottom! 💖💖💖

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you, Gemma! I feel like a louse posting this, knowing how much you are going through right now. I think you have proposed a wonderful goal….getting back to giggling over who will switch whose naughty bottom. I say we team up on our poor friend, collared michael….though, he’s so naughty he’d probably really enjoy the thought of two ladies applying the switch😉💋🔥

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww Nora, it’s November honey, everyone is suffering in November. It must be something in the air! I’m good, like I said, I’ll keep faking it till I make it honey. I am resilient. Besides, I think ganging up on collaredmichael and applying a sound switching sounds like a lot of fun! Even if he does enjoy it! That just means we get to do it twice as long!! 😛 xx

        Liked by 2 people

  2. This particular post touched me personally. This will be the 5th christmas without my mother too. I always miss her so much this time of year. It hasn’t been the same without her. I struggle a lot during this holiday season. Hugs to you my friend, from someone who understands.

    And omg Covid! I’m glad to hear you and Daddy are recovering.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Holiday seasons sure can invoke one’s grief….I mean, it’s always there with me…but it just seems to come out more this time of year. Sending hugs right back at you, Miss D❤
      Yes….Covid truly sucked. But…I’m adding it to the list of things that tried to take me down and couldn’t 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I am sorry to hear you have been ill with this virus Nora!
    I am sorry also that you have other sad reminders at this time of year.

    ❤ ❤ ❤

    Ben and I had to cancel our plan to spend Thanksgiving in the US with family. Ben has had to go away again for work for a few days. But we had a shock over the weekend when we heard his mom had been taken into hospital. She is in good hands, but our worry levels have been through the roof.

    I am going to cook up a lovely meal for us when he is at back and we will zoom our US relatives.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Jenna ❤
      I am very sorry to hear about your cancelled Thanksgiving, though I guess that is the norm this year. But I am even sorrier to hear about Ben's mom…is she in the hospital with Covid or something else? I do hope that she heals quickly…sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Awe Nora
    Please, you have nothing to apologize for. Take as much time that is needed for you and your Dad.
    I too lost my Mom, sounds like about the same time you did. It is a terrible hardship around the holidays. I love the sound of your goal. Mike sounds like a lucky guy and will most likely relish the thought when he reads this. I agree. You are amongst friends and have every right to feel righted to air anything you need to. I hope you can count me as one. I look forward to reading about who switches who.
    MJ

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, MP! Your kind words are much appreciated. I am very sorry to hear that you are grieving your mom as well…the holidays does make the pain particularly poignant, don’t they? Our friend, Collared Michael, is a long-time blogging friend of mine…and I do think he will enjoy reading these comments. But… I always love to make new friends too! I really appreciate you stopping by and leaving a comment. Take good care, my friend ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It is so nice to meet like minded new people. I always enjoy.
        Yes Mom went to the church triumphant October of 2016. It is harder it seems for my siblings but the holidays are tough for everyone who has lost, aren’t they. No problem stopping by. Take care yourself friend.
        MJ

        Liked by 2 people

        1. I lost my mom in summer of 2016. It was unexpected and she was only in her early 60s. Out of my siblings, it seems to be the hardest on me as she was a part of my every day routine…though obviously we all miss her very much. In any case…sending you virtual hugs and well wishes!😘❤

          Liked by 2 people

  5. Even though we are all ‘feeling the same’ it does not make how you feel any less valid. I am taking two mental health days because I am unable to cope with it all at the moment. I am out as a cashier I am working 40 hours a week with the public. A couple of weeks ago I broke and then sucked it up. Yesterday I could not stop. I kept crying and crying. Worked an hour and came home. So yes while we all are feeling the same way it is okay to vocalize it. None of us are strong enough to go as long as we have without some cracks showing. Hugs dearest and enjoy your birthday. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Jay-lyn! I am very sorry to hear that you are also struggling. I hope those extra two days off do you some good and that you are able to find center again. I will try to give myself permission to experience my feelings and be okay with it… this is very hard for me to do sometimes. Thank you for the reminder. And, thank you for the birthday wishes! Take good care, my friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It can be very hard but necessary. The giving of permission. I was feeling guilty yesterday when it dawned on me and I jokingly told my co-worker:
        I have an over-inflated opinion of my importance to my job.’
        As I walked away she was laughing and telling me she loved me. 🤓💜

        Liked by 2 people

  6. Well! Seems two naughty girls have been dreaming up some trouble! lol. If that would help cheer you up, I’m game!
    Covid-19 is a serious disease. I know many only suffer mild symptoms, but far too many people have serious symptoms too. I’m so very glad that you two are recovering! A friend of mine lost 5 family members in March and April.
    And should you ever need to vent, feel free to contact me.
    I lost my mom on Remembrance Sunday. So Remembrance Day always has an extra sting to it. Nothing but time helps. I remember my mom often. So she is still with me! Focus on the good memories of your mom. This may help you in those darker moments.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really appreciate the offer, Michael…losing my mom was something that changed me. Most days, I do try to focus on the good memories….and I agree with you, nothing but time seems to help. Thank you for your supportive words ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. 3 days of crying. Missing my mom so much on our 3rd Thanksgiving of loss. We found out about her terminal cancer during this season as well. It’s a very hard season for me. Thank you for sharing your journey and your feelings. It seems like I should be over it by now but I’m still just hit. This year seems worse because of the Covid lockdown. No distractions of friends to help.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry that you are in so much pain, wildwestangel. I agree that this year was worse…not getting to see my family certainly didn’t help. There were a lot of tears cried here too. Sending you lots of hugs, my friend ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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