Part of living is having dark days.
While I have plenty to be grateful for, I’ve also experienced despair and loss, like most. I try to stay on top of my mental/emotional state… I journal, exercise, eat healthy, and do my best not to engage in the tipple too much (no one’s perfect). I try to do things that bring me joy. I don’t want to sink into the darkness. And yet, sometimes I feel powerless to stop it and those cold, dark tentacles reach for me, pulling me under.
This time of year, I find myself missing my mom so much. This marks five Thanksgivings without her. When she was alive, we would have been uber busy this week with holiday preparations and of course, taking a day for lunch and birthday shopping. My mom and dad both used to tell the story of the only year that my mom failed to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner for the family…the year I made my entrance into this world. But this year, like many of you I am guessing, my remaining family and I won’t be getting together for the holidays. While I know that this is the right thing to do, it doesn’t make it any less painful.
My long-time readers know that this week marks a very trying time in Daddy and I’s marriage as well. It has been six years since learning of his affair, the day before Thanksgiving…well, needless to say those particular memories are difficult to cope with. While most of the time I feel healed from this event…painful memories are rearing their ugly heads this week.
Being isolated doesn’t help. Like many, I’ve been working from home since March. As a fairly social creature this has taken a toll, despite my best efforts to stay occupied and find ways to enjoy social connection. I didn’t share this with you, my friends, but about a month ago, Daddy and I contracted Covid-19 and I was very ill. Recovery has taken weeks and I still have not completely regained my stamina.
As I read back through this post, I can’t help but think…somebody call the waaaabumulance! These are trying times, for us all. I am no different and my pain is no greater than the pain that you suffer. If you are feeling low today, my friend, please know that you have a friend in me and I’m always here for a chat or virtual hug.
While it may be raining in my heart, I will venture out and let the sun shine upon my face today. Thank you for lending an ear (well, a set of eyes anyway 😊). I promise my next post will be all spankings and rainbows.