Fostering a submissive mindset #18+, NSFW

What is a submissive mindset, and how should we (submissives) purposefully foster one?  The question is deceptively complicated.  As I usually do in a situation where I cannot provide a definitive answer right off the bat, I turned to the literature.  I spent some time reviewing blogs and other materials available in cyberspace on the subject, and then I spent some time formulating my own thoughts on the matter.

LunaK, author of the website Submissive Guide: Helping You Find Yourself, writes “The submissive mindset is the inner joy that manifests in many ways for each person. When someone says they have to be in the submissive mindset it means they have to feel a connection with what they are doing and the bliss of service and submission.”

On another website, an anonymous submissive wrote more specifically that a submissive mindset meant, “A desire to please, attention to my Dominant’s needs, prioritizing my Dominant, and strict observance of my rules and restrictions”.

An article, published on blogs.psychcentral.com, describes a submissive person as “someone who willingly submits to the authority of another. A submissive person enjoys a service-oriented mindset and finds peace of mind in taking orders from those he or she has placed in positions of power.”

After reviewing these different descriptions, I feel that I would (rather clumsily) describe a submissive mind set as, “a state of mind in which a submissive experiences the joy and peace associated with surrendering to and serving another”.

So, with that out of the way…how does one foster a submissive mindset?

Writing this post forced me to realize that I have not spent enough of my time and energy fostering my submissive mindset.  Instead, I feel that I have relied upon my husband to “put” me in a submissive mindset, and placed responsibility on him to “keep” me there.  While a D/s dynamic absolutely reinforces the submissive mindset, I have realized that the mindset starts with…you got it, the submissive!

Currently, I only see three practices in my own life which actively foster my submissive mindset.  The first practice is self-reflection.  In the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on why I desire to submit to the will of another.  What are my motivations?  How does this contribute to self-growth?  What is my responsibility toward my own submission?

From this self-reflection, I have begun to engage in a practice which I will refer to as my inner dialogue, which is the second way that I foster my submissive mindset.  While engaged with inner dialogue, I might say to myself, “It’s true, you don’t really feel like cleaning the kitchen right now, but it brings great pleasure to Daddy to see the fruits of my labor when he returns home from work in the evening”.  The act of consciously thinking and dialoging with myself has gone a long way towards developing a submissive mindset, without needing to be “put” there.

Third, I have been practicing gratitude.  For Christmas, my niece gave me a Gratitude Journal.  Each day, I write down three things that I am grateful for.  In applying this practice to my D/s dynamic, I have begun to give greater focus on what my husband does that I am grateful for, rather than negatively focusing on what he does not do.  This has filled me with an overwhelming amount of gratitude for the ways in which he has stepped out of his comfort zone, and into the wild world of D/s with me.  In doing so, I have been experiencing more pleasure in serving him and placing his own needs above my own.

I also believe that the D/s dynamic serves to foster a submissive mindset.  For example, a stern lecture and a firm spanking will put me in a submissive mindset every time.  For me, the lecture part is equally, if not more important than the spanking part.  Being told what his expectations are, and what to expect when I do not meet them places me firmly in a submissive mindset.  Most often, my husband and I begin our discussions in our entertainment room.  Eventually, I am told to report to our bedroom, disrobe, and present my bare bottom for his chastisement.  My obedience to him finds me walking down the hall to our bedroom, removing my clothing, and laying myself down on the bed with two pillows placed under my hips.  This act of obedience serves to foster my submissive mindset.

What I have learned through the act of writing this post is that I need to take a more active role in fostering my submissive mindset.  I feel ashamed that I was placing all of the responsibility on Daddy, insisting (immaturely) that he needed to “give” me a submissive mindset.  From my research tonight, I learned that other submissives have a variety of ways that they accomplish this objective.  Some ideas to foster a submissive mindset include mantras, rituals, journaling, and meditation.  I look forward to further exploring these methods.

Now…my dear friends… what are your thoughts on fostering a submissive mindset?  I would love to hear about the ways in which you or your dynamic foster your submissive mindset.

Stay kinky and self-reflective!

XOXO, nora

24 thoughts on “Fostering a submissive mindset #18+, NSFW

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    1. Thank you for participating, Dominant Soul! I enjoyed visiting your blog and reading your examples. Do you ever encourage your subs to engage in activities (when they are away from you) designed to foster a submissive mindset?

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This was very interesting. In my previous D/s relationship I too worked on putting myself there. I created a mantra and I had a daily task to recite it morning and night, and whenever I knelt forhim to place my collar on my neck. I used the other tactics you describe here as well, to foster a submissive mindset.

    However…. the first time I mentioned to my current Sir that I put myself in a sub mindset, he was appalled. He told me he doesn’t want me doing that. He explained, from his point of view and the way he does D/s, that as my Dom, it is his responsibility to put me in a submissive mindset and keep me there, for as long or as short as he desires. This was a foriegn concept for me and I was skeptical, given my previous experiences.

    But then he did it. And now I understand how it works for him, and subsequently for us. He uses words, tone of voice, a look even (oh that look!)… a slap to the face will do it also, when he wants to drop me quickly. The effects are often immediate. Sometimes its a steady slide into subville.

    When I’m not with Sir, I still feel submissive to him. I think this is because of the work he put in, since our very first meet up and continually. It solidified my submission toward him. And it keeps getting deeper and stronger. He asked me awhile ago if I’m ok with what he is doing to me, mentally. I said yes. He wanted to take me deeper, but was concerned it was affecting my Dominant side, so he only took me so far. I told him I am so happy with the way my life is going, that I want to be taken deeper. So he has taken the breaks off and I find myself sinking in submission, while my Dominance continues to fade away (my Dominance, not my sadism lol)

    Oh my! I have high jacked your comments section! I have been planning to write my own blog about these changes. I guess I had better get to it!

    Important note: I’m not saying one way is right and the other wrong. It’s whatever works for the Dom and sub.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I completely agree with your new Dom. A submissive mindset is the responsibility of the Dom to evoke and control. I also use my voice tone, my words and a look to evoke an instant response from a submissive. 😈😈😈

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Thank you for this response, DominantSoul! I know that you have a lot of experience… and my experience is very limited. I feel a little silly now and wonder what my potential new Dom will think of this post that he asked me to write. If our D/s dynamic comes to fruition, our interactions will be solely on-line, and potentially through Zoom or some other platform in the future (we live on different continents). In any case… it is great to hear from someone with as much first-hand experience as you… thank you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. There are no silly questions in this journey. We all start knowing nothing then slowly learn through experiences and mistakes.

          You clearly want to be an eager and devoted submissive who wants to please her Dom. That’s what truly matters.

          In person Domination is much more intense and intimate than virtual. I hope one day you will find a worthy Dom to try it with. It’s a very powerful experience.

          Ds

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Thank you for your supportive response, Dominant Soul! My husband dominates me to some degree, but not nearly to the level that I would like to experience. He is still learning too. I am definitely going to turn him on to your blog, so that he might learn from someone with a lot of experience.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your thoughtful response, Miss D! You have definitely not high jacked my comments section. I LOVE reading anything you have to contribute on the matter, and you have much more real life experience than I do. I absolutely get where your Sir is coming from. My friend Implacable, and potential second Dom, asked me to write this post. The four of us (Daddy and I, and he and his wife) are considering attempting Part 2 of my submission to him, but are still processing through a change in rules designed to help everyone be a bit more comfortable with all of this. As he would be dominating me from a different continent (with a huge time difference), I think the idea of me assisting in fostering a submissive mindset becomes more relevant. It is something that I had never really thought about before. I’ve written about subspace, which I experience with Daddy during a scene, but never really about my mindset throughout my day. I feel that I gained a lot from this exercise, and I am curious to see (if allowed to) where he might take me with all of this 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. And i think you are correct. Your situation is very different than mine. You will need to help foster your own mindset to some extent. And having tasks and rules will help. I hope he changes them up for you, because the challenge is not to let it get stagnant.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Again, I know little about this… but I know something about mindsets. They’re… put in place; simply, you say, “This is how I’m going to be so this is how I need to think…” and then the work begins toward this end. Clueless me sometimes looks at this in this way: Being submissive is one thing… but being made to submit is something else. Not saying it’s not capable of getting the job done to everyone’s satisfaction but if your mind isn’t in that place and because you already had it there, I’d suspect that developing a submissive mindset and even persona might not be all that simple.

    Not that you don’t know what the deal is when it comes to your commitment to be a submissive but if it doesn’t come as “naturally” to you like breathing – and meaning that you never, ever have to think about being submissive – then, yeah – you gotta get your mind into that place using mantras, triggers, whatever you need to do in order to be as submissive as you want to be in both mind and body. Ideally, when you look up “submissive,” your picture should be right next to the definition.

    Methinks – and I could be wrong – that it’s not as simple as, “I want and need this!” Methinks being submissive has to be your life, your entire reason for being; it should encompass every aspect of your daily life and maybe a submissive could use working – if they’re allowed to work or didn’t get laid off behind corona – to “practice” being submissive and simply as following instructions and directions without question… but that might be hard to do since some folks suck at giving instructions and directions.

    Stuff like this. It seems to me – and I’m still clueless – that submissives are two different people; one way at home, another way when not at home, around vanilla-type people, etc., and, oddly, some bisexuals are like that because they see bisexuality as being two different things… instead of the one thing it really is. So no matter where I am or who I’m around, I am always bisexual… because it’s my mindset… and one that I’ve had a lot of decades to develop and refine so that it’s so much a part of me, I don’t think about it any more than I consciously think about breathing (stuffy nose notwithstanding, of course).

    I just am. And I think – and I still could be wrong – that the submissive mindset probably has to be like that: You just are. Don’t even have to think about it. My question to you all is (because I don’t know shit about this) does being submissive mean being so totally and completely or, as I suspect, your mind is really still your own because you have to be able to make decisions on your own and sometimes right at that moment and without your dominant being involved?

    Educate me!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the incredibly thoughtful response, kdaddy! Submission does not come naturally to me, like breathing does, and is definitely something that I have to work at. Regarding your question about level of submission (does being submissive mean being so totally and completely, or as I suspect, your mind is really still your own because you have to be able to make decisions on your own) I would say that this depends on the couple and the specific dynamic that they are exploring. For example, in a Master/slave dynamic, it is my understanding that the slave does not think of herself. This is not the type of dynamic that I would ever be interested in. I am more interested in a Dominant who wants to help me better myself, expose me to new ways of thinking and doing things, and who is consistently involved in my day to day activities.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay, some differences in this dynamic and at a high level. Master/solve one thing, D/s is… different. Is the difference context? Purpose? In a way related but with different focuses/intents? And perhaps this gets in the way of developing a submissive mindset? I ask good questions, huh?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. My understanding are that there are a variety of D/s dynamics, Master/slave included. Different degrees of submission and servitude. I’m not sure that any of this gets in the way of developing a submissive mindset. In my case, I think that I (my personality) tend to get in the way of my submissive mindset.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. But it stands to reason that one’s personality is gonna do that and no matter the flavor of the submissive mode. As I understand it, your personality and mindset work in tandem to define who you are… Nd now you’re trying to effect a change in mindset… and without it changing your personality…?

            Like

  4. Intriguing offering here Nora! I wonder if you can foster your hubby’s dominance rather than your own submissiveness! It might work both ways.
    For instance you say he tells you to go to the bedroom, strip naked and get ready for his spanking. What about meeting him at the door naked and on your knees?
    Fostering his dominance could have long lasting positive ramifications.
    Good post by the way…

    Liked by 1 person

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