Posted in D/s, Uncategorized

Out of the darkness!

This title is intended quite literally…we have been cast out of the darkness at last!  For those unaware of the craziness happening in the state of California, Daddy and I have been without power off and on over the last four weeks.  In total, we lost power for 12 days.  Living in the mountains, that means no power AND no water.  I am grateful that by the time the third power outage hit, we were able to buy a generator to power our well, much of our kitchen, and some lights and outlets to keep electronics charged.  I know that life has been much bleaker for many of those near us, and for the poor souls dealing with evacuations from wildfires all over the state.

If you have no idea to what I am referencing (as many of you are on other continents!), a quick Google will bring you up to date on the dire state of our electrical company, PG&E.  Last year, PG&E was found responsible for faulty equipment starting a fire which killed many and burned down an entire town near us.  Now, facing bankruptcy, the company is coping with high fire danger weather (north wind events) by shutting down power all together, leaving 2 million Californians in the dark.  I do not find much joy in discussing politics, but that is the situation in a nutshell.  There is much more to the story if you should care to research this nuttiness.

In any case, I am blogging this morning to provide myself a way to organize my thoughts about Daddy and I’s D/s lifestyle…or lack there of.  We have failed miserably during this time of high stress to maintain any resemblance to the lifestyle which usually brings us much joy and peace.  You may have noted that I bolded the word “We” as this is very much a failing on both of our parts.  While I recognize that the burden of maintaining D/s lies on both of our shoulders, I feel that the failing in more mine than his, however.

In times of high stress, I become a bit like a commander.  At the time, I feel like my leadership skills are helping.  I work quickly, and efficiently, and I have little tolerance for anything that I perceive to be hindering the process.  This is not helpful to my husband.  His personality is very different and he does not respond well to this Napoleon-like leadership style (really can’t blame the guy!).  Combine the high stress situation, with his wife going all Mussolini, and he begins to deteriorate a bit.  His confidence drops, he starts making mistakes, and meanwhile…I am right there telling him everything he is doing wrong.

It pains me to write this.  I look back on my own behavior and I cringe.  I hate this part of myself.  I want to be the loving, supportive spouse that builds my husband up…instead, I am the one who tears him down during stressful times.  And obviously, this does not work well for him or our dynamic.

So…where to go from here?  I do not feel that I can ask anything of him at this moment.  I feel that the burden is on my shoulders to prove to him that I can change.  I tell him that I want him to be more dominant, but I do nothing to feed that dominance…instead, I challenge him at every turn.

To Daddy…. I am truly sorry.  Your baby girl is trying to get back on track.  I long to learn to submit to you better, to build you up, and to follow where you will lead.  I don’t know why it is so hard for me, but it is a gift that I desire to give to you.

To my readers…thank you for sticking with me!  This road to submissiveness is long and winding, at least for this girl.  I hope to be able share some naughty adventures or at least a good spanking story soon!

Happy blogging 😊

XOXO,

nora

 

Author:

Hello all! I'm just an old-fashioned girl on a wild DD and D/s adventure with my husband. I greatly enjoy writing about all things kinky and I enjoy reading about kink as well. Please feel free to drop by my page and leave a comment or ask a question. Have a wonderful day!

31 thoughts on “Out of the darkness!

  1. Oh sweetie I can so relate to what you have written here. I was (and to a certain extent still am) much like that, particularly during stressful times. I am getting better, under the guidance of MrDom, who frankly doesn’t put up with that shit from me (as opposed to s who handled it differently) It’s lead to some challenges but we are both getting better.

    I have no advice to offer so I’m just sending you virtual hugs. You realize the issue, and that’s a good step. Xoxoxo

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Oh Nora … do I ever hear you … as someone who worked in an ’emergency management’ capacity for some of my career, I can well imagine my response to a situation like yours would be similar (I had a chuckle at your line ‘going all Mussolini’ :>)) … however, I am sure your man will recover his Dominance with your submissive support … and hopefully the scary fire and power situations will be resolved soon … nj … xx

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I’ve missed out on the outages, but went through them in the past. Generators, candles, lanterns, Grill to cook on, and water back up for me.
    Sorry to hear the submission/dominance is getting hit by regular life. I have my own ways to pump energy back in to such situations….tricks of the trade….but we are who were are.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Times of high stress tend to result in a shift to tighter protocols with tighter manners. It’s not as if i am not able to be a highly effective leader. i tend to look at these times as ways to show my submission when it counts, show grace. i also sometimes “sneak” a cigarette now and again.
    i’m so sorry for what you are going through. i hope he gets back in the groove soon.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. pro tip (ha, ha) protocols are best developed when no one is feeling hostile. Or in need of a shower, sleep, food, or the relative assurance that one’s home is safe. These things make all humans stress out, and even though i am property, i am *human* property. 🙂 i’m sure he can find ways for you to be proactive for the future with your skills, maybe lists or prepared totes of emergency supplies??

    Liked by 3 people

  6. What an irresponsible company!! I’ve heard of the fires but hadn’t realized the consistent lack of power. I hope you get consistent power and the fires are put out soon.
    I also hope you find a way to be consistently submissive and therefore support your hubby’s dominance!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Michael! The power outage has been quite disturbing. It was borderline panic in some areas as people were running out of food and supplies. Thankfully, we were better prepared than most, but still…very stressful. My husband is out of town for work this week… I cannot wait for him to get home so that we can set things right between us again. All my love to you and your Queen!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I have to step All Of The Way Back and wait for directions during stress here. It’s hard. I always have to have a tiny talk with myself that goes like this: girl, this is the part where you show who you are. And then I make myself be still and wait. That’s what she needs to make good decisions and feel confident, I think. It’s hard. I’d rather go full Mussolini…except that this is a defining moment and we need to be a team. Not the fastest, best, whatever…just a strong team. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Nora, such a relatable post and I truly wish you find a balance that works for you both. Many of the littles/submissives I know are strong independant woman who carry a lot of responsibility in their lives. Standing back, it is clear to see how in times of crisis you “have to take charge”.

    The irony is that many Dommes, are attrached to or need the submission of a strong woman. I suppose where you “…long to learn to submit to you better, to build you up, and to follow where you will lead…”, a Domme could also learn how to engage their strong and capable submissive to serve them in times of crisis.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That makes a lot of sense, askmefast! Thank you for sharing. My husband has complimented me a million times throughout our marriage on how strong I am and how he feels that is an asset to our marriage. It is an asset to our D/s dynamic as well, I just need to learn to channel it differently. I am a work in progress 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Dang Double N! So sorry you guys are caught up in the fires mess. Praying for you!

    My two cents on marriage. Before getting married the pastor doing the service told us ” the secret to staying married is to not get divorced”. At the time I thought that was crazy advice. After 28 years of marriage I understand it was the wisest thing he could have told me. There are times you are in love together. Times when one is in love but the other isnt. Times when you find someone you like more than your spouse. The secret is, dont give up. Marriage is marriage. You just to keep evolving it. Accept that it will not always be great. Enjoy the really goods. Take comfort in the fact that regardless of the situation you always have someone who will pick you up when rock bottom hits or just lay there with you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think this is fabulous advice, eastcoastwavewatcher! I feel very strong that neither I nor my husband will ever give up on our marriage. We may have ups and downs, but ultimately, we chose one another and promised to love each other always. But, doesn’t mean we can’t keep trying to mold this marriage into exactly what we both want…and it sure is fun trying 🙂
      Hope all is well with you!!!
      Love, nora XOXO

      Like

  10. I’m glad you and your Daddy are staying safe during the craziness that is the CA wildfires!! I live almost across the country from you and CA is in our local new broadcasts almost daily.

    And I get the dynamic. You’ve read about our stressful times right now. I’m sure you’ll prove to him that you are his babygirl and everything will work out in the end!

    Stay safe sweetie!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dear nora,
    I’ve read this posting several times now, and it is around 10 days after your power has returned, so things are perhaps starting to be less crazy for you both. In rereading your post, it occurred to me that the one thing we can all claim is that we fail. None is perfect. And yes, sometimes some of us fail more than we should. But a strange thing about failure is that it is only failure if you give up; if you carry on, though you may have fallen far, it is just all part of the journey.

    I note the essential core of the remedy is right there in your post … you want to give your husband your submission, let him lead and for you to take a supporting role. With that desire, you have the basis of what you need, one halting step at a time if that is what it takes, to reach your goal. Bless you, it may be a tough road and there will be times when it all seems too hard, but your submission will fulfill your need. Rest assured, your many readers here will support you in your eneavours.

    XOXOXO
    Implacable

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Implacable,
      I thank you for your continued support of my journey. At times, I feel like a phoney, all this talk of wanting to be submissive…but my behaviors portraying anything but. Your words are wise and I know that if I can just get myself in check, and begin following my husband’s lead…that perhaps his dominance would grow. I appear to be stuck in this unhealthy desire of wanting him to demand my submission, to force it in some way. It is unfair to have these expectations of him when I am the one who approached him about D/s….these are not necessarily his desires, and you and I both know that D/s is a lot of work. I have wondered lately if perhaps my kink lies not so much in the desire of submitting to my husband, but in being forced to submit. This may more accurately describe what it is that I am seeking.
      I will write to you and try to explore these feelings further.
      Thank you for your readership, and your friendship.
      XOXO,
      nora

      Like

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