Asking for what I want…

Hello my WordPress friends!  It has been awhile.  Life has been a struggle the last few months, and I’ve been suffering some depression.  And, to be honest, I am sick of it!  I have been trying to pull myself out of it, but failing miserably…eating poorly, not exercising, sleeping way too much, etc. I’ve been in a terrible self-loathing cycle and I know that I don’t want to be this person!  I miss the me who is happy, cheerful, sees the positive in life…the me who loves mornings, and flowers, and sappy songs & Disney movies. And, the me who loves sex and all things sensual!

Those of you that follow me, know that my husband and I have struggled with infidelity issues.  I won’t go into all that, but in a nut shell, I decided to stay with him.  However; I realize now that while I may have stayed…my heart was closed off to him.  I’ve been so angry.  We haven’t been close emotionally, or physically.  Which is certainly hurtful for him, but hurtful to myself as well.

I decided yesterday that this has to stop.  I miss my husband and the bond we’ve always shared.  I miss allowing my heart to feel love for him, allowing my body to react to his touch.  And so, I asked him last night if I could talk to him about our relationship.

Through my tears, I asked him if we could resume our D/s relationship.  I expressed to him how I thought this might help us get through this difficult time.  And then, I waited to see what he would say.  I feared his rejection, his unwillingness to engage in D/s during such a troubled time in our marriage.  But, he didn’t reject me and in fact, said that he also thought that a power exchange could be helpful during this time.

I feel incredibly hopeful that this will help my husband and I to heal hurts, put the past in the past, and become closer and more intimate than we have been in recent months.  I know it will be challenging, but honestly…life is often challenging, and I am devoted to finding happiness where I am, and learning to love unconditionally.

And…I experienced butterflies in my tummy when he closed the conversation by telling me that we would seal our agreement with a sound spanking.  He then ordered me to remove all of my clothing and lay face down on the bed…and what a spanking it was….

Thank you for reading and sticking with me!

Love, nora