Asking for what I want…

Hello my WordPress friends!  It has been awhile.  Life has been a struggle the last few months, and I’ve been suffering some depression.  And, to be honest, I am sick of it!  I have been trying to pull myself out of it, but failing miserably…eating poorly, not exercising, sleeping way too much, etc. I’ve been in a terrible self-loathing cycle and I know that I don’t want to be this person!  I miss the me who is happy, cheerful, sees the positive in life…the me who loves mornings, and flowers, and sappy songs & Disney movies. And, the me who loves sex and all things sensual!

Those of you that follow me, know that my husband and I have struggled with infidelity issues.  I won’t go into all that, but in a nut shell, I decided to stay with him.  However; I realize now that while I may have stayed…my heart was closed off to him.  I’ve been so angry.  We haven’t been close emotionally, or physically.  Which is certainly hurtful for him, but hurtful to myself as well.

I decided yesterday that this has to stop.  I miss my husband and the bond we’ve always shared.  I miss allowing my heart to feel love for him, allowing my body to react to his touch.  And so, I asked him last night if I could talk to him about our relationship.

Through my tears, I asked him if we could resume our D/s relationship.  I expressed to him how I thought this might help us get through this difficult time.  And then, I waited to see what he would say.  I feared his rejection, his unwillingness to engage in D/s during such a troubled time in our marriage.  But, he didn’t reject me and in fact, said that he also thought that a power exchange could be helpful during this time.

I feel incredibly hopeful that this will help my husband and I to heal hurts, put the past in the past, and become closer and more intimate than we have been in recent months.  I know it will be challenging, but honestly…life is often challenging, and I am devoted to finding happiness where I am, and learning to love unconditionally.

And…I experienced butterflies in my tummy when he closed the conversation by telling me that we would seal our agreement with a sound spanking.  He then ordered me to remove all of my clothing and lay face down on the bed…and what a spanking it was….

Thank you for reading and sticking with me!

Love, nora

41 thoughts on “Asking for what I want…

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  1. Hi, I’m new to your blog but do d t want to read and run. I’m glad you were able to ask for what you needed and you got the response you’d hoped for, I hope it will allow both of you to move forward, Kis x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Aww, I am sorry it has been a hard time. But I am so happy that you may have found a way to reconnect and pull yourself out of the rough times. I hope it goes well and positivity flows from it. It certainly sounds like a great turning point. ls xxx

    Liked by 2 people

      1. The pleasure is mine, what you’re doing has to be admired. You’re fighting for those feelings that make you happy.
        It’s always good to catch up with you 💕😘

        Liked by 2 people

          1. Aww… thank you. I like it when people say nice things like that. Things are ok, but you know there are ups and downs. Have fun with my blog 😉

            Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s good to hear that you took this valuable step back to intimacy. As we both know from psychology, the partner that did wrong is often hesitant to make that leap because of shame and guilt, and they don’t want to push the hurt partner farther away. And the quick response from him shows that he was definitely ready for you to initiate the conversation back to D/s where you both had found a better bonding.

    Kat and I are very happy for you! — AJT

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Alpha and kat! When we talked after, he said he had been hoping to resume our D/s dynamic, but that he felt ashamed in wanting it due to everything that has happened. Most of the “vanilla” people in my life probably wouldn’t understand why or how I could submit to him now…but I see it as a path of healing for both of us. I really appreciate the support 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. By wanting, asking, and engaging in intimacy also shows that your forgiveness is real. And that, too, shows you’re on the path to healing. Good luck to both of you. And you will always have our emotional support.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m glad to read you have started the healing process. You deserve to be happy and I hope you both find it through reconnecting through your D/s lifestyle.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. D/s and all it’s Wonder has the power to heal. I’m glad to read that you two are working together, tending to the garden together. For love is a garden you have to water.

    It’s not easy, it’ll take a lot of work, and you’ll have your good days and your bad, but if you have the determination to try again, you’ll have the determination to see it through. I wish you both nothing but love.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Moving back into the intimate- physical and emotional- is a difficult step- important, but difficult. I’m so glad you were able to do that!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Dear Nora, I’m so glad you were able to take this step! And also that it was well received! I’ve been praying for you and surprisingly you have been in my thoughts a lot. I send you hugs and encouragement! All the best!! Might I also suggest you return to exercising and healthier eating. Those changes will have a positive effect on how you feel about yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michael! Your support means so much to me. I will definitely get back to eating healthy again and exercising more…I know that will help me to feel better. We had an incredible weekend together…my attitude is much better this morning. I feel like I am ready to take on life again! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers…your friendship means a lot. Hugs to you and your Queen ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I almost hate to ask something so basically sexual (although I also realize that your spanking was hardly SIMPLY sexual), but I am just going ahead: during a spanking such as the one your husband announced, are you permitted to safe word?

    Best wishes on your resumption of D/s, nora. Love your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi H.Fisher!!! So, my husband and I practice what some call “blanket consent”…meaning, we discussed limits ahead of time, and I gave him consent to do what he thinks is necessary/reasonable. We actually did decide on a safe word long ago, but I have never used it during a spanking…it really doesn’t even cross my mind because I am someone who craves losing control. Hope that helps with your question😊

      Like

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