Emerging from the ashes…

A few weeks ago, I didn’t think that I could make it through this.  Finding out about my husband’s (continued) affair felt like it was killing me.  If you need the dirty details, visit my previous post here.  I was suffering anxiety attacks, a severe rosacea break out, drinking too much, and my moods changed with alarming speed.  I didn’t know who to talk to, so I found a therapist (funny to me…psychologist going to see a therapist).  My husband found a therapist as well.

Fast forward to today…I’ve been privy to all the details for about 2 months…and, I think I am making it through this.  I have more control over my moods and talking to my therapist really helps.  My husband and I having been talking, A LOT.  We are both gaining insight as to what happened, why, etc.  He fully takes all of the blame (as he should!) and is sincerely apologetic.  I am hopeful we will make it through this.

But, in the back of my mind…I can’t help but wonder sometimes.  What would it be like to completely rip my life apart and choose to divorce my husband?  Awful, no doubt about it.  But after the dust settled…would I want to look for love again?  Would there be someone out there who would love me and only me?  Don’t get me wrong…I have no misconceptions about the grass being greener elsewhere.  But because of his own actions, my husband has set the bar pretty low for the next guy.  Only, that’s really not true.  Despite everything, he is still my best friend, my partner, the one who has stood next to me through all of life’s trials, and the one who is desperately trying to fix this.

I will go on, one foot in front of the other.  I wish that I could erase everything we’ve been through and go back to the happiness I felt when we were submerged in our D/s dynamic.  Those times were so thrilling and fulfilling…it has left a big empty space in my sexual being.  I wonder if we will get back to that place someday.

I hope you all are well 🙂 I try to keep up on your blogs, but it’s been a rough few months so please forgive me if I haven’t been commenting as much.

Take good care,


40 thoughts on “Emerging from the ashes…

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  1. I hope that you are okay and find the right path for yourself. I have always thought that to offer submission in the form you did would be most men’s dream so I am not sure where the answers you seek lie. Everyone must choose their own route. The one I chose was hard at the time for happiness further down the road but it does not mean that is right for others. It sounds like trust is very important to you so I suppose it depends if you feel that you have that or can rebuild that. I do think you would need to be able to leave the past behind in order to give it a real chance. Sending hugs and hopes that you feel more resolved soon – we miss you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve been thinking about you often. I’m glad you’re finding your feet again, I know it must be an incredibly painful process. Divorce might be a good option, it might not. It really depends on if you feel you can trust him moving forward. I think it’s a good sign that he’s doing therapy too, it shows his remorse. But ultimately, it’s your life and your happiness that matters. *hug*

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  3. Sorry that you are going through this…

    But on a side note, there is nothing wrong with a psychologist going to a therapist. I can’t treat my own dogs for the same reason.

    Hope things will be better no matter what your decision is going to be. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Kat and I had a conversation about you last night that revolved around missing your online presence. So, we are grateful to see the update post. It’s good to hear that you both have found therapists while continuing to talk a lot with each other. We’re still wishing you the best, and hoping you get back to the trust, happiness, and even D/s that you still show an interest in. Good luck. — AJT

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I really appreciate that, Alpha! I miss our online community here, just haven’t felt that I had much to contribute lately. This is a hard road, the road back to trust, but we are trying. Love to you and kat for thinking of me. Take good care, nora

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I want to start this off by saying I’m so sorry about all you’ve been through. Being cheated on is the worst! Also, you’re a better person than me for staying, and it’s going to be very hard to rebuild that trust but if you feel that you can do it more power to you. I miss you but in the end you have to take care of yourself first before anything else, so I hope you manage to do that and find your way again. It might take a long time but in the end it will be worth it.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Nora, I’m new to your blog but didn’t want to read and run. I wanted to send support to you and I’m sorry things have been so challenging. It sounds positive that you and your husband are both in therapy to help work through things individually and importantly, together. Trust is so difficult to regain, for me anyway, and I hope you can find the right way forward for your own happiness and peace of mind, take care x

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Nora I have been missing you very much. I have been hoping that things were going better. Glad to hear you are both seeing therapists and I’m really hoping you can fix your marriage and continue. Trust is so important—likely the second most important part in a relationship—after communication! Thank you for the update. I continue to pray for you both and am sending hugs. I hope you are able to move forward without divorce (been there, done that—and it’s so unpleasant!!), but that is only possible if you can rebuild the trust. All the best my friend. But we do miss you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Michael! I miss you too! Whenever I log in, I always check to see if you have written anything new. I hope that things are well in your world and that you are keeping your Queen happy (and that she hasn’t had to use that new paddle again!). Things are up and down here. Some days it feels hopeless and other days I feel like we can do this…I guess only time will tell. I am still committed to trying to make it work. Thank you for your continued support! XOXO~ nora

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hello dearest Nora-so glad to see your post.
    The therapists will keep both of you real-no sugar coating the problem. Keep up you health-mental and physical and try to keep your balance. You know you can rebuild a new marriage with him and it is good that you have doubts. Time can heal wounds but remember there is an expiration date! You don’t want to wake up 20/30yrs from now and realize your love was in vain. I know. You have the love and support of your community- please speak with them and please continue the updates if you can. My prayers are with you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, vanilla Andi!!! The support of this community means so much. I will continue to work on myself, as he continues to work on himself….and hopefully we can start down a new path together ❤


  9. Oh Nora! I’m so sorry to hear this. Just today I was wondering where you went and didn’t expect this. Not this horrible news.

    I’m here if you need to talk. I’ve been right where you are before. I know how lonely and maddening it can be.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Carry on being strong hunnie I can’t understand the pain you’ve been through but can feel it in your blogs. I really hope you can work things out and begin to trust and build up your relationship, one step at a time. All my love and hugs xxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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