A few weeks ago, I didn’t think that I could make it through this. Finding out about my husband’s (continued) affair felt like it was killing me. If you need the dirty details, visit my previous post here. I was suffering anxiety attacks, a severe rosacea break out, drinking too much, and my moods changed with alarming speed. I didn’t know who to talk to, so I found a therapist (funny to me…psychologist going to see a therapist). My husband found a therapist as well.
Fast forward to today…I’ve been privy to all the details for about 2 months…and, I think I am making it through this. I have more control over my moods and talking to my therapist really helps. My husband and I having been talking, A LOT. We are both gaining insight as to what happened, why, etc. He fully takes all of the blame (as he should!) and is sincerely apologetic. I am hopeful we will make it through this.
But, in the back of my mind…I can’t help but wonder sometimes. What would it be like to completely rip my life apart and choose to divorce my husband? Awful, no doubt about it. But after the dust settled…would I want to look for love again? Would there be someone out there who would love me and only me? Don’t get me wrong…I have no misconceptions about the grass being greener elsewhere. But because of his own actions, my husband has set the bar pretty low for the next guy. Only, that’s really not true. Despite everything, he is still my best friend, my partner, the one who has stood next to me through all of life’s trials, and the one who is desperately trying to fix this.
I will go on, one foot in front of the other. I wish that I could erase everything we’ve been through and go back to the happiness I felt when we were submerged in our D/s dynamic. Those times were so thrilling and fulfilling…it has left a big empty space in my sexual being. I wonder if we will get back to that place someday.
I hope you all are well 🙂 I try to keep up on your blogs, but it’s been a rough few months so please forgive me if I haven’t been commenting as much.
Take good care,