I get knocked down but I get up again!

To all of my wonderfully, supportive friends… I am alive and well!  So many of you have sent me private messages, as well as posted on my blog, and I cannot tell you how much the support means during this crazy time in my life.  Today, instead of focusing on any negativity, I hope to spread a positive, optimistic message.

First, I would like to share with you all that I am choosing to continue in my marriage.  I assure you that this choice is not one made out of fear.  Yes, choosing to leave and uproot my life would be a terrible thing to experience, but it does not make me afraid to do so.  I could survive it, if I so chose.  Thankfully, I have been blessed financially, and I am independently wealthy of my husband, so that is also not a factor.

So, why stay?  The man cheated on me, then lied to me for over two years about ending the affair, and then recently confessed to his scandalous behavior with the sea cow (petty…yes. Name calling is not the answer).  The answer is simply, that I choose love.  This may sound odd, but I have no doubt that my husband loves me.  And, I love him…I love him as my husband, my friend, my partner…and as an extension of myself.  How I wished he had loved me (and himself) enough to not cheat…but, we all make mistakes.

In fact, as I have shared before, early in our marriage, I was the cheater.  In our early 20’s (God, we were so young!), I once got very drunk at a party and slept with a friend of a friend in a bathroom.  After lying to my husband for six months, I finally told him the truth.  He accepted that I made a mistake and we moved on.  A few years later, again…drunk at a party, I gave a friend of a friend a blowie in the bathroom (what is it with me and drunk men in bathrooms?).  This time, I lied for over two years about the event…promising my husband over and over again that nothing had happened, before finally confessing.  This was harder for him to swallow (no pun intended), but he did decide to forgive me and move forward.

But, this is also not why I am choosing to stay, choosing love, after all…it is not tit for tat.  I truly believe that most of us make mistakes.  And I choose to continue to love him even after the mistakes that he has made.  We have talked (and talked, and talked, and talked) so much over the last two weeks…and in my heart, I know that he is sorry and I know that he chooses me.  I believe that he is done seeking validation and acting selfishly.

Will I regret my decision to stay?  I don’t think so.  Even if one of us breaks the other’s heart again at some point, I am living my life with the man that I choose. I am strong, I am brave, and I do not fear the future.  In fact, I think we have some very good times coming.

Lastly, I choose to continue with D/s.  What this dynamic does for me…well, I am not willing to give that up.  In fact, my husband and I are planning a ritual, just for the two of us, where we will take ownership of one another’s hearts, minds, and bodies.  It may be challenging to understand why I would want to continue to submit, but trust me, it is for me…not for him (that doesn’t sound very submissive, does it?).

I hope you will continue to support me on my journey…the kind words and messages of support I have received the last two weeks mean the world.

Love, nora

34 thoughts on “I get knocked down but I get up again!

Add yours

  1. Thank you for your open-hearted update. I had no idea you were facing this turmoil. I don’t think the other woman needs to be called any name. Name calling does not resolve any issue. But what is more, hating on her, for what your husband chose to do to you repeatedly/ongoingly with her, is deflecting from where the blame needs to go, or what things need to be checked. A break up is not always the #1 solution even after an abuse of trust of a short, let alone an ongoing affair. Trust can be rebuilt. But it can not be rebuilt well on the grounds of blaming the third party. It is deflecting from the issues and dis-powering the two married people, now trying to be rebuilding their house of trust. Take the power of your life and marriage back means that you and your husband take a very good and honest look (outside of perspective roles) as to why the things happened, and how they can be avoided happening again, or what can be learned from such a challenge. There is no judgment or undue condemnation behind My post, nor any ulterior motive, other than the sincere wish to offer some help and insight from My practice. Ultimately it is your life and only you can choose what is best for you. May you find what your heart truly desires.#StrictMotivation

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your support, Strict! I don’t think you saw my previous post, but please know that I absolutely know where the blame lies in this situation. And the sea cow reference, if you read my previous post, was a joke. Thanks for reading 🙂

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Kat and I built our relationship on unconditional love. So, when we had that serious issue arise not too long ago I chose love without hesitation, and the relationship has become stronger. Even the D/s part of it has reached a deeper level.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I support you whole heartedly. You are an immensely strong woman and I see no weakness in choosing what is best for you and your future. I pray all works out well and for only good things ahead in your days and years to come. Blessings 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Nora-you indeed sound so positive and happy. Good for you. But didn’t you say Sea cow was at his work place? How is he going to resolve that temptation?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi vanilla Andi! Sea cow used to work with my husband. When he refused to leave me two years ago, she quit, thankfully. Unfortunately, we live in a very small town, though she isn’t from here. I am hoping she moves away because I do run into her every other month or so. I haven’t posted too much about the specifics of the situation, but she basically started trying to blackmail him into leaving me…leave her or I tell her all this crap she doesn’t know. So…he came clean and told me everything. That really pissed her off. The whole situation is ridiculous and I am angry that he exposed me (and us) to such drama and pain. I do not believe there is any temptation there for him anymore, but he took the liberty of blocking her from all of his accounts (cell phone, our house phone, email, Facebook, etc.). He had to let his boss know what happened as well because she kept calling him there…which was a very humbling experience for him. In any case… thank you for checking in. Each day is different, but generally, I am in a good place now.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. No one but you can decide what’s best for you. What will create stability in your world or what is worth salvaging.
    I pray blessings and strength over you.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I love how strongly you feel about your decision to work on the marriage and that you are marking the choice out of love and not social conventions, kids or anything (stupid) like that. It’s only you who can know if there is a possibility that you can be truelly happy again.

    (Also. I have to put in a little note that two drunken, bathroom mistakes does not compare to a continuous choice to be unfaithful with the same person for years. But I am sort of getting that that argument (the “you were unfaithful first” one) is coming from you and not your husband so it probably doesn’t matter. )

    Also. Name calling and hating on someone is totally fine. It’s better to have emotions than to turn them off. Just as long as one doesn’t start slashing someone’s tires or something. 😂😂😂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL…no slashing here, I promise! She’s so not worth my time. And, I appreciate the comment about the mistakes that I have made. I have learned that in love…it isn’t helpful to keep score. My husband does not hold my previous mistakes against me, and I will work hard not to hold his against him. But…it is hard to swallow that he had an emotional connection with someone else. I think that’s what hurts the most.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. All my own personal opinions on infidelity aside here, you can only do what is best for you, Nora 💝 You’re both choosing to work together to strengthen your relationship and that can be a testament to the bond you two have.I hope that you and your husband can now truly start with a clean slate and move forward for a stronger marriage 💝 Lots of love xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I’m glad you feel able to forgive and move forward. That is a sign of massive strength and self confidence. It will be difficult to reestablish trust but it isn’t impossible. The forgiveness is so critical to the process. Best of luck Nora!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nora, that’s a very open and honest blog, we’re glad that you are OK and working at things. you take care and we’ll keep checking in to see how you are doing. we’ve been closed down by WP but we are still here via this google profile. Chin up and cock a snook at the world! very kind regards Alice and Mick/ billie

    Liked by 1 person

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