An honest letter…

This may be one of the more difficult posts that I ever write, but I feel that it is important for my own well-being to do so.  As many of you may remember, I have written before about how Daddy and I endured a period of infidelity (on his part) prior to beginning D/s.  Basically, he had an affair with a woman from work, I found out, the affair ended.  Or, so I thought…

Last week, I found out that while Daddy did break it off with this woman after I found out two years ago, the relationship didn’t stay broken off.  In fact, it has been on-again, off-again, this entire time.  Though this has primarily been an emotional connection, and not a physical one, the amount of deceit and betrayal…the sheer number of lies on his part…is devastating.

He finally decided to come clean.

Some may view this as a very selfish act…his decision to finally share the truth.  However; I really don’t see it that way.  The only way that he and I ever stand a chance of moving on from this, means full disclosure.  So we have talked…and talked…and talked.  He has shared his secret email account with me and I have read all of their correspondence (probably the most painful part of all of this).  And, this may surprise you…she and I have now corresponded.  We will refer to her as the Sea Cow (not because she is fat- she isn’t- but the name just seems degrading). And, the Sea Cow’s current relationship ended over all the drama of this, which I regretfully played a part in (as much as it pains me to admit this, I forwarded my husband and her’s correspondence to her current boyfriend…who is now an ex-boyfriend).

Perhaps it seems cruel that I refer to her as the Sea Cow?  After all, you are probably thinking…she got hurt in all this as well.  And, that is true.  But, this is 50% her fault.  When she met my husband, she knew he was married.  She actively pursued him, telling him that she felt “safe” with him, because he was married.  Over the years, she has told him how she always knows just how to “reel” him back in again, and away from me.  So no…no sympathy for her on my end.  While I do feel bad that her boyfriend dumped her immediately upon finding out that she was carrying on with a married man (what sane man wouldn’t?), I also feel justified in my decision to reach out to him and let him know what was going on.  Two years ago, when this first happened, I took the high road and never did or said a damned thing to her.  She really should have just walked away.

So…what now?  I don’t know where to begin.  I don’t want my marriage to be over.  I also don’t want to be my husband’s second choice.  He assures me that I am not second, and I know that he told her that he loved me and was never leaving me.  But…he didn’t love me enough to walk away from her, to end it two years ago, to not lie to me over and over again, to not bring her into our home, etc. etc.

My world is upside down.

Wherever you are in this world this morning, I hope your day is going better than mine.

Love, nora

69 thoughts on “An honest letter…

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  1. I am sorry you’re enduring this. I am honored you’ve shared your experience with us. I do not find you cruel or petty. You are brave for sharing this and for letting her boyfriend know. I hope you continue to grow in strength and self love.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh Nora! I am so sorry to read this! I do understand what you are feeling, it’s an awful decision to make. In the end, you have to do what is the best for you. No matter how hard it is, the decision has to be what is best for -you-.

    I completely support your decision to tell her boyfriend. He was just as much a victim as you in this. If she didn’t want to lose him, she shouldn’t have been cheating. Besides, she had zero empathy for you, so why should you have any for her? (Yes, I know, people always say it’s better to rise above such pettiness, but I disagree. A certain level of pettiness is justified in cases like this.) And I think Sea Cow is a perfectly valid pseudonym for her. (It’s definitely more pleasant than anything I would have come up with.)

    Please let me know if there is anything I can do. *massive hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Hearts Hope ❤ I typically do strive to rise above, but just couldn't this time…she had no empathy for me or respect for my marriage (neither did he, but that is a whole other point).

      Liked by 4 people

  3. Oh Nora I am so sorry you are having to endure this. But I also know you are a strong woman. You will overcome. I hope you both can work through this since that is what you indicate you want. You have my support and love and positive thoughts to pull through this. Xoxox

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Nora, really sorry to hear about this, there isn’t a good way to discover these things and we both hope that things work out in a way that is good for you, you have our best wishes and support, very kind regards Alice & Mick/billie

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I feel for you. Years ago my first husband cheated on me. He said it was a one night thing… then I found out he was still seeing her while trying to “work” on our relationship. She wasn’t seeing anyone else and he had told her we weren’t together anymore… I rang her and told her what was going on and said “if u want him have him – cos I just want him to leave me alone” ….. they went on to have 2 children while he was repeatedly unfaithful before they eventually ended the relationship.

    I have no words of wisdom for you.

    I have no idea if you can/will/should forgive and rebuild your relationship- only you and answer that… what I would say to you is this … trust yourself, listen to your heart and decide what’s best for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your story, Sweetgirl. It does sting that while we were trying to work on our relationship (when I found out the first time), they they picked right back up only a few weeks later. I have no idea if I can ever get past this…

      Liked by 3 people

  6. You are an amazing person who is handling this with a level of class that I think few could equally muster. You have always been there for me and I consider you a friend. Anything I can do, you have but to ask.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Nora,
    You are handling this with far more class than I would be and I think Sea Cow is completely hilarious. I don’t know where this will take you, but I wish you the best at finding whatever you need to take you wherever you need to go. Sending hugs your way if you want them.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. My heart aches for you!! Truly a devastating thing to find out. I’m so sorry and can’t understand why a man would do that when he has such a wonderful woman at home. I echo all the sentiments above. I do know of marriages that survived and later thrived after similar events. I remember one couple speaking frankly with me as my first marriage dissolved about troubles they had had years earlier and how they had stuck it out and were now both glad they had. So it may be possible to resurrect your marriage—if you decide that is what you want. I know you are a smart and strong woman. I know you are deeply caring. I know this is tearing at your very existence and belief system. I also know you can get past this. I don’t know what the future will bring but I do know that after my divorce, I felt betrayed and bereft. I did not expect to ever marry again. And yet I found my Queen and life was full of sunshine again!! Thank you for the courage displayed in sharing this. Thank you for the trust you have in all of us. We think the world of you and would do anything to ease your pain. Sadly the best most of us can do is listen—but we’ll do that as much as you need us to.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Your beautiful message has brought me to tears, Michael. I hope you know how much your words of support mean to me. We may not know each other in person, but your words mean as much to me as any other friend in my life. Thank you for being you and for having such a kind heart. I don’t really know where this will all go yet. The decision is in my hands, at least at the moment, as he wants to stay. I do think we could work through this and find happiness again. But I don’t want to lose myself…or my self-respect. Time will tell, I suppose. You take good care of you and your Queen…true love is a special thing ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. If you’re able to work through this, do so! The pain is real, but if you can forgive and if he can repent and earn your trust back (I know this will be a long time coming) you may resurrect this marriage. And in ten years you may look back on this as when your relationship really took off. Because I can tell you it is exceedingly painful to go through a divorce. Still, if that’s ultimately what you decide on, we will be here to lend support whenever needed. I have been thinking about you a lot today. Still having difficulty wrapping my mind around this. Sending you hugs and strength. I know you are strong, but a little extra in times of trouble can only be good. All the best dear Nora!!

        Liked by 2 people

        1. I really appreciate the supportive response about working through this and trying to avoid the pain of not only divorce, but losing the man that I love. He very much wants to work this out, whatever it takes. That soothes my heart some, but it is so hard to even comprehend all of the lies that he has told me over the last few years. I am feeling so overwhelmed, not taking any action at this moment is my plan. Just one day at a time. I appreciate the virtual hugs and words of support, Michael…. you are an angel! ❤

          Liked by 2 people

          1. He may truly regret his actions. Good idea not to rush to any response. Stay well. Our hearts dictate what we do. In your case, I would think your heart is bang on for most things. Listen to it and follow its lead.

            Liked by 2 people

  9. Kat and I send you our virtual hugs. Consoling words aren’t much good at this point, but at least they let you know how many people care about you. Stay true to yourself and you’ll find the right way for you in this ordeal.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Nora, I have been a silent fan of yours since I discovered your blog a few months ago. Not only because I found your stories and accounts of your escapades to be highly erotic, entertaining and titillating. And not only because I found your relationship with your husband and your DD and D/s dynamic to be exactly what I am seeking. But mostly because you seem like a genuinely wonderful person. The simple fact that you take the time to respond so positively to each and every comment on your blog speaks volumes about you as a person.
    I am not married and I never have been. I can’t begin to imagine how you are feeling. I can only say that you deserve so much more than someone who could be so careless with your emotions. Whatever he is gaining from this extra-marital affair is more important to him than your emotional well being. He needs intense therapy to figure out why that is and how he can stop. Otherwise the cycle will repeat itself.
    But I say this from a place of love and non-judgment. I wish you all the best and all the love in the world you so clearly deserve.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Outsider,
      Thank you for your caring and supportive message, and for following my blog. The overwhelming support that I have found in this realm moves me beyond words (and I fancy myself a writer! 🙂 Your words ring true and I can honestly say that I have no idea where my marriage is going at this point. We have been together a very long time and have been through a lot together, so I suppose that time will tell. I want to wish you luck on your D/s journey and that you find a relationship that will meet those needs for you…I know that when we implemented D/s into our marriage, I was never happier…it satisfied me in a way that nothing else ever had.
      Again, thank you for these sweet, supportive words…your reaching out means the world.
      Take good care,
      nora

      Like

  11. Hi Nora. There is nothing I can say that could help you in any way. I do, however, feel you have done the right thing and I love your nickname for her. I kinda had an evil laugh going when I read it. I respect your husband and your relationship for the honesty involved; it would have been easier and less troublesome if he kept quiet, yet he chose to risk everything and tell you.
    This is something you’ll figure out eventually. Your heart hurts right now and the person you would seek comfort from is the person who hurt it in the first place. Stay strong, I’ll come bash some skulls in if you’d like?
    Loads of ghost hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Liv2C!!! I really appreciate the support and I must admit…you gave me a little laugh as well 🙂 Thankfully, I am past the point of longing for bashing skulls, but I do appreciate the offer! What my husband has done has wrecked me, but in all of this, I do still admire the fact that he finally found the courage to be honest. He stands to lose a lot…my heart, our home, our life together…and he appears to be firmly planted in trying to work this out. Time will tell. Thank you for your support and words of encouragement! It means so much during this time ❤

      Like

  12. Oh Nora I’m shocked and so sorry you’re going through this, having been through it once before. I’ve never been in your situation but I do think you are very brave to write this blog. I hope by writing it down, it’s released a bit of your sadness. You clearly don’t want to loose your hubby, but your trust has been broken. Hopefully in time that can be mended and your marriage will become strong once more.
    Keep your strength up, you’re a strong woman, you can get through this sad time.

    Sending you all my hugs and love. 😍😗😗😗😗😗😗😗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, daliacatt! This has been a trying time and the love & support that I feel here within our community is such a blessing. And yes, writing about it did help, and I have been able to release some of the emotions that otherwise may have stayed pent up. Sending you hugs back…thank you ❤

      Like

  13. No one should have to go through this and I wish there was a way I could ease your pain. The decision to stay or leave is rarely an obvious one and I hope you get to have all the time you need to work this through for you. There should never be anyone more important than you in the equation of making a relationship work. / Brianna

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Nora, You are a beautiful bright spirit. I have followed your blog and others blogs that you have commented on. You have made me feel that you CARE so much for everyone. Now is your time-think of yourself first! Do not settle. I agree in a previous comment, that your spouse need therapy. You girl are brave and strong with a pair of brass!!!!! Name the place and friends of Nora will be there to help. If you can please continue to write-no judgment just loving support. Andi

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Dear nora,
    I can only imagine the thought process you are currently going through. I hope in the end you remember that you as you are valuable and important. No matter what your decision in the end, just know that you are worthy of love. Do not let fear of anything sway your choices. He made the choice to be honest, and now you have the freedom to decide what choice you will make. Please remember that whatever you decide, your life is just as valuable as his. I hope you choose whatever makes you happy and healthy. Take your time and do not be pressured.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. You did the right thing, letting the boyfriend know. The Sea Cow deserves what’s she’s getting. Clearly she had the chance to change her ways. Live by the sword ⚔️ etc… I would echo all the words said here and quietly remind you that you are worth a hundred of him in your gentle dignity and forgiving loyalty. He does not deserve a woman like you. I totally get that it doesn’t make you love him less!! I trust that you will follow your heart and spirit and end up in a place of your own design. You can do it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Also…Carly, I read your last post this morning. I know you probably have the comments option turned off for a reason, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for all that you and your siblings are going through…hugs, my friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Oh damn Nora, I am so behind in reading blogs and I am not sure where you are at now….I am so very sorry…All I can do is send positive thoughts and cyber hugs your way xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Nora
    I truly commend you in being able to share this experience with all your readers. I know is a personal matter for you, but this almost seems normal because of my own personal experiences from childhood through my adulthood, and the many people in my life that have been touched by this.

    I guess being in the mental health field causes me to look at the situation through all parties eyes.
    I think you handled yourself pretty well considering all parties involved.
    I’m not big on corresponding with the other woman or man, however I think she deserved it. In the beginning you took the high road by not communicating with the Sea Cow. But Sea Cow was not smart and continued to pursue your other half and spoke negatively about you. That was a No No.
    I hope everything works out the best for you.
    Thank you so much for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your support, AFetishes! I am no longer corresponding with her, and my anger toward her has softened. Just trying to figure things out with my husband now…and that has been a challenging road.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This is a topic that I have discuss for colossal amount of time. I understand all the steps your are and have taken.
        I just say this as your working through everything, your emotional and mental state are of the most importance while trying to figure things out. But I think it’s wonderful that your taking your time trying to figure things out with your husband. Well wishes!!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you! I will continue to be aware of my emotional/mental/and physical states…this has been very taxing on me and has definitely taken a toll on my mind, heart, and body. I know it takes time…but I just want to feel normal again…not all these ups and downs….

          Liked by 1 person

  19. I have just found this post, and have liked in support of you. Sea cow seems mild, and your actions are completely justified. I’m going to xmcatch up with your progress over this last month now. Sending the warmest of hugs your way.

    Like

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