I tend to take the world at face value…meaning, I don’t often spend much time analyzing the “why’s” when it comes to my own life. Examples to illustrate this concept could be….why do I want to submit to my husband, or why do I desire to have my husband implement corporal punishment on me if I break one of our rules? For me, it is simple…the answer is, I just do. I don’t question “why” as it isn’t of much importance to me.
When I explore that thought though, I do wonder… “why?”. Why don’t I seem to be as invested in figuring out the “why’s” as much as some of my fellow bloggers? Am I just a lazy thinker? Is it that I spend way too much of my time at work (both as a psychologist, and as a professor) helping others to see the “why’s”? Or, does it have to do more with my overall world view…”let it be”. Who the heck really knows…
But this question, “is D/s my real life” is one that has been nagging at me. I awoke this morning to find a post written by furcissy, further teasing out this concept and I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m not sure I can say that D/s is my “real” life as very few of my friends and family know that my husband and I have invoked a power exchange in our marriage. Yes, I am “out” to my WordPress family, and I have told two of my girlfriends about it…but for the most part, D/s is kept under wraps. Not everyone is like this. For example, blogger ddjennifer has come out about D/s to her family and her friends (if you are not following her yet, you should be!). To me, this seems more real, and yet…I cannot imagine it for my own life.
However; is this the only aspect to something being your “real” life? Probably not. After all, D/s is something that consumes a lot of our time. My husband and I talk about it a lot, we live it during our days, and I spend an awful lot of time writing about it and reading about it on the blogs of others…it is absolutely at the forefront of my mind.
Reflecting on all of this, and considering perspective and personal constructs, I guess it boils down to this… it really doesn’t matter. I am happy living the life that I am living. Much of my personal life…our D/s, my spanking fetish, my love of sex & masturbation… all of that is private, but it is “real” to me.
If you stuck out this post until the end…thank you! It is not often I get all philosophical on you 😊
Have a sexy Sunday, ya’all!
Love, nora
Finding Strength in my Submission 
Thank you for sharing, Nora.
I would have to be curious if there is any correlation to when in life that D/s becomes important vs. how much we feel the need (or lack of) to analyze it. I know that in my case, the submissive desires entered far before I had the emotional tools or self-awareness to deal with them. This plagued me with a haunting “OMG I’m so fucked up” spiraling at the core of my inner-self for years. When I finally was able to face it, I felt compelled to figure it out.
If you didn’t have this sort of agony over it, I am guessing that it is much easier to just accept that is what you desire.
In my case, I had to understand it so that I could stop hating myself for needing it. I still feel the need to analyze every new discovery or I lose the precarious balance of self-acceptance that took years of agony to finally build.
With that in mind, I find that being able to just accept it and go with its flow is a far more pleasant state of being.
Take care.
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Thank you for this thoughtful response, furcissy! I think you make a great point about whether or not it is something that you agonize over or causes you any distress. With that said, I have fantasized for as long as I can remember about wanting to be taken-in-hand and disciplined through spanking. As I got older, it stopped being just a sexual fantasy, and more of a life-style fantasy. When I finally learned about D/s it was a feeling like, “yes! That’s it! That’s what I have been wanting!”…but I never felt weird about it or wondered why I wanted it. I can’t help but wonder if my ambivalence towards needing to understand the “why” wasn’t fostered by the positive self-esteem that both of my parents fostered in me (and all of their children). I remember my mom always telling me, “I love you just the way you are”. I’ll have to think on that a bit more 🙂
Happy Sunday! Hope you have a good one 🙂
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Thank you, Nora. I think if you managed to feel comfortable in your own skin, there wasn’t a pressing need to find answers. That is definitely a preferable way to be.
I know that I find myself compelled to explain myself to others for fear that they will reject me if I do not have a good reason for being this way. Acceptance, from both self and others was at its core.
Take care.
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Well, just so you know ….I accept you, and admire you😊
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Thank you, Nora. I admire you as well.
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Thank you, furcissy😊
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Love this post, Nora! I seem to over-analyze everything in life. And I mean everything!!!!! When I first discovered my submissive need, I kept asking why…. now I don’t. I just roll with it. I don’t care, cause it’s me, and I’m not ashamed of it.
People say that LDR’s aren’t real, because they’re not physical. And, in my case, it’s as real as anything else in my life. 😊😊😊😊
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Thank you for the supportive response, alittlesass1992! I share in your “don’t care cause it’s just me” attitude!! And, you make an excellent point about long-distance relationships…just because you don’t see each other every day, doesn’t mean that you aren’t fully involved in each other’s lives. Thank you for commenting!
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You’re quite welcome. I enjoy your phillosophy.
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😊😊😊
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Nora I love this. It has me thinking. I think I will write about this topic too. Thanks to our friend fc for starting the thought process too!
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Hi sayyidsgirl! Hope you are having an amazing time across the pond! Looking forward to your future post😊
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Thanks Nora! I’m on a bus from Belfast to Galway so I’m going to see if I can write something now xoxo
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Wishing you well in your travels, sayyidsgirl and I will head over and check out your blog to see if you were able to get something up! 🙂
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I don’t question the whys either, nora. I used to feel somewhat inadequate because I didn’t analyze my thoughts and feelings, that maybe it made me a shallow person because I wasn’t digging and digging to understand my desires and feelings regarding D/s. But like you stated, I feel “it really doesn’t matter”, I am who I am, and like what I like, and I’m fine with that. And so is Alpha. 🙂
kat
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Thank you for the supportive response, kat! I like how you wrote that…my husband is good with how I think about it too, and that is really all that matters 🙂
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Yes, it is. All we need to please is ourselves and our Daddies. 😊
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Agreed 🙂
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May I add something to your interesting discussion as a fairly dominant male and a rather old one moreover? It’s only recently, that the question of D/s can openly be discussed in a public forum and it brought kind of a revelation about myself for me. I had been almost afraid to look deeper and explore this side of my nature practically and theoretically. The idea to hurt somebody for my own pleasure, even an enemy, was too disgusting to be followed in any way. But then I discovered, that for some persons pain can be pleasure or give them the feeling to be released from an inward pressure even if it hurt and I started to combine it with the Platonian concept of the two halves seeking each other in order to become a perfect whole. In addition I found out, that masochistic and /or submissive ladies usually are very strong and intelligent – there are exceptions certainly -, which made them the more attractive and sexy. In that way the dominant, slightly sadistic side of my character made sense as a means to find my female counterpart, at the same time feeling great respect for submissive ladies, who usually are all but submissive outside an intimate relationship, in their jobs for instance. I must add, that I found my “ideal” partner I had dreamt of all my life, 7 years ago, and we had the most wonderful and very real long distance relationship ever since. We met in real life last year for the first time and everything turned out to be just as we had imagined and hoped for. It all started, when I succeeded to help her get free from an extremely abusive affair with a cruel, irresponsible sadist, whom she had served as a slave for several years. To arrive at a conclusion: being submissive or dominant respectively is meant by nature to establish a blissful state of equilibrium between the sexes with a great chance to succeed and to lead to an emotional depth not easily reached in a different way as I see it. This is not the result of arguing with myself, but of direct observation and experience. And I want to express my great respect for you, ladies, who took part in the present discussion. If my English has been far from perfect I apologize, as it isn’t my native tongue.
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Hi poimandres17! Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Isn’t it wonderful that we have a forum such as this where these ideas can be discussed so openly? I very much like your description of how the Dominant and submissive are two halves that make a whole…I feel that adequately describes my husband and I. We complete one another and fulfill one another’s needs. Thank you very much for stopping by!
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Hello Nora, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.
I’ve been following your blog (and your comments on other blogs) for some time with great (and still growing) interest. Your ‘light’, kinky (or ‘naughty’) posts and witty comments are entertaining and posts like the one above are thoughts-provoking. You have a wisdom on D/s topic and a talent to write about it so, please do ‘often get all philosophical on us’.
All the best –
Peter
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Thank you very much for your supportive comment and the compliment, Peter! I really appreciate the support. WordPress has been such a great place for me to get some of my thoughts out on paper (well, cyberspace, really) and to meet others who are interested in similar ideas/themes. May I ask if you practice D/s in any way? Love talking to new followers 🙂
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Reblogged this on sircumalot9in's Blog.
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Thank you, Nora. No, I do not practice D/s in any way. I’m pretty vanilla chap who appreciates allure of dominant women. I have also a great interest in D/s psychology, thus my appeal to you for more rants on this topic. Here on the WordPress we have ‘domination’ of furcissy’s philosophies re femdom and D/s. I like, read and appreciate him but I would also like to see someone else (especially ladies) deeper approach to this topic. Please, do write some more, Nora.
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