Hello friends! Life has been a crazy whirlwind of events, thankfully, most of them positive ones. I haven’t been here on WordPress nearly enough. With Daddy traveling for work this week, I find myself with a bit more time on my hands and I’d like to use some of that time this morning for self-reflection. After reading ddjennifer’s latest post, I felt inspired to think about where I am at with regard to my submission in my marriage.
In February 2017, I approached my husband with the idea of incorporating domestic discipline (DD) into our marriage. I was frustrated with myself, my inability to pull myself out of depression, and my lack of motivation in most areas of my life. After stumbling upon a website that discussed the idea of DD, and considering my life-long fascination with spanking, I asked my husband if he would be willing to hold me accountable. After many, many discussions on the topic, he agreed to give it a try. That is a long story made short.
Over the course of the year (and many spankings), we researched, experimented, and learned a lot about ourselves and each other. What I have learned about myself (which isn’t exactly news to me), is that I have the tendency to be very controlling. I want to plan out every detail of every single thing and I assume, mistakenly, that because I think through everything so much, that my perspective must be automatically right. This brings an incredible amount of stress on to myself, which I then take out on…you guessed it… my spouse. We lived this cycle for 14 years together. We survived Hurricane Nora (being controlling can be deadly to a marriage, hence the metaphor), but just barely. There were years of resentments, on both sides. Not a way to live if you ask me.
I feel that I have come a long way in the last year. I am much more reflective on my automatic thoughts and behaviors. I am more aware that what I think and feel are my perspectives, and not my husband’s. I am learning to value his perspective, even when I disagree with him (a work in progress).
What would I like to see more of from myself this year? I would like to continue to work on a more submissive mindset. I still frequently fall into the trap of wanting to control my environment. I would like to become better at stepping back and encouraging my husband to take the lead. I would like to show more respect for his opinions and actions, period. I would like to learn that my way is not always the “right” way…because truthfully, it’s not. I know that this is true, but in the heat of the moment it is very difficult to remember at times…
How to get there? When Daddy returns from his work trip, I think we should sit down and have a long conversation about what we are doing right and what we can do better. I would like to have a better understanding of what he wants from me and my submission to him. I would like to communicate to him how I want to work on showing him more respect and I need to communicate to him that I need more discipline. I have many goals right now (personal, academic, professional) and I desperately need his support (holding me accountable) in achieving those goals.
So…there you have it. Where in the world am I with regard to my submission? Not nearly as far along as I would like to be. But I am motivated to do better and spend more time on my knees for Daddy! Yes, had to throw in a dirty pun for your enjoyment 🙂
Thank you for reading and happy writing 🙂