Insecurities

I’ll be honest with you.  Most of the time, I sail through this life, self-esteem intact, with a rather positive outlook on life.  Like my mother did, I have a rather sunny disposition, and I have made it my life’s goal to spread happiness and joy.

But, I sometimes have those days…those other, darker days…where everything scares me, and I wonder…

Does Daddy really love me?

Do my family members love and respect me?

Am I good enough?

Am I beautiful enough?

Do my students feel that they learn anything from me?

Does Daddy want someone else, sexually?

Am I lazy?

Do I matter?

Do I actually help others, or do I just think I do?

Is it all my fault?

What if more of my loved ones die?

What if I end up alone?

 

And, these days suck.  Waking up at 4am, lying next to Daddy, wondering who he dreams about.  Is it me?  Am I enough?

But, I did what I am supposed to do when I have these days.  When Daddy woke up this morning, I shared with him my insecurities.  He held me, told me he loved me, and told me he would work harder to make me feel more secure.  When he arrived at work, he texted me to tell me again how much he loved me…and asked that I wear an anal plug for one hour to remind me of who I belonged to.  I am so lucky to have him.

I will make it my mission today to ditch these insecurities.  My plan includes time with my puppies, running some errands, and baking Christmas cookies for the people at my husband’s company.  Hopefully, this will make me feel productive, festive, and loved.

I hope you all have wonderful, happy days today.  And, if you are having a hard day, like I am…try to find your joy.  Life is too short for anything else.

Love, nora

25 thoughts on “Insecurities

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  1. aww he knows what you need and was able to make you feel better and more secure.

    It sounds like you have a good plan to stay ahead of the darkness. Don’t let those nasty negative thoughts derail you -none of it is true. You are more than enough – kind, caring, consistent, funny, smart, and that’s just what I know having never met you in real life!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for your kind and comforting words, sayyidsgirl! We may not have ever met in real life, but I consider you a friend here on WordPress…and you know more about my private life than most of my face-to-face friends 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I have insecurities like these too, especially where HD is gone for so long. *hug* I echo what SG said, you are definitely more than enough, and it’s obvious that your daddy loves you very very much. Remember to be good to yourself.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I think it’s so natural to have insecurities, Nora! And it’s so natural to need reassurance from your beloved too!

    My clin psych gave me a mantra; “meet healthy human needs in healthy human ways!”. I’m 100% SURE that an anal plug is a healthy human way! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Yes…part-time psychologist, part-time professor. Though you mentioned that your psychologist is a clinical psychologist, my focus is in counseling. I mostly take on clients who want to work on themselves or their relationships, rather than med management and crisis stabilization (though I am licensed to do that as well, I just don’t work in a county clinic anymore).

          Liked by 2 people

            1. I think you are much more appreciated Jan you will ever know. I think of the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”, where George Bailey thought he had not left his mark in the world. Turns out he was quite influential! Honestly Naughty Nora, you have that same impact in this here blogging world! You are a marvellous blogger friend to so many and I for one would be devastated to see you gone from here. Your friendship means the world to many of us! Whenever you are having one of those days, just remember we love you! We will likely never meet face to face, but that changes nothing!! And I know your Daddy loves you deeply! How?? Just from your writing! Stay well and feel the love!!

              Liked by 2 people

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