30 Days of Submission- Day 12

30 Days of Submission- Day 12

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

When I first read this prompt, I almost immediately dismissed it as something not relevant to my life.  However, upon further reflection, and a bit of research, I realized how “un-submissive” my initial thoughts were in this matter.  Why did this prompt make me feel uncomfortable? To address this prompt, I need to first reflect on the way things were in my marriage prior to Daddy and I’s journey into the world of D/s.

When I met my husband, at the tender age of 23, I had a clear understanding of how money worked, how harmful credit cards could be, and my own financial goals for my future.  I feel that I was fortunate to have two parents who taught me about these things and who openly discussed money and common mistakes that people sometimes make.  When I wanted to open my own checking account while in high school, my mom sat down with me and taught me how to balance a check book (I still remember depositing my first pay check from Round Table pizza…I was giddy!).  In my world, this was the normal way of things and I just assumed that most people knew to do this.  However, when I met my husband it soon became clear that not everyone knew how to handle money.  While he was certainly making more than he was spending, my future husband had no idea how to balance his accounts, how to make money-wise decisions, nor did he have clear cut goals with regard to his financial future.  It took some time, but I helped him clean up his credit and taught him what I knew about money.  When we married, we agreed that I would handle our finances…and, it has been that way ever since.

Fast forward to today, where I strive to give my submission to my husband.  Early on in our dynamic, we visited the idea of him becoming more involved in our finances and he shied away from this idea.  A few months in, while I was reading “The Surrendered Wife”, written by Laura Doyle, the topic of financial submission emerged again as the author talks about how entrusting your spouse with your finances is one of the ultimate ways to demonstrate your trust and respect of their abilities.  Again, my husband and I discussed the matter, and he let me know that he has plenty of responsibilities in our marriage and that he was delegating to me the task of managing our finances.

I respect my husband’s decision in this matter.  As you all know, paying bills, balancing accounts, making decisions about money…it is time consuming!  It can also be incredibly stressful.  I guess the importance of this post for me is not so much about the fact that I manage our finances and that my husband would like me to continue to do so…but would I be able to handle giving up that responsibility?

This question brings about great uncertainty for me.  Much of the time, our D/s is centered on kinky sex play, kneeling, spankings, mantras, etc., and I am not knocking that…those things have helped me to change how I speak to my husband and how I see him.  Our D/s has also helped him grow in his confidence, as a man and as a sexual being. Our D/s has taught me about the beauty of not always being in control. But I come back to… could I handle giving up the responsibility of managing our finances?

In all honesty, I am not sure, and I don’t think that I will ever find out as my husband does not have an interest in taking on this responsibility.  He trusts my judgment and my abilities in this area.  He has made it clear that he is delegating this responsibility to me, and in this, he demonstrates his Dominance over me by assigning me the task.

I am curious to hear your thoughts on this matter…how do you feel about financial submission in your current dynamic or the dynamic you would like to have?

Thank you for stopping by…and happy writing 🙂

Love, nora


19 thoughts on “30 Days of Submission- Day 12

Add yours

  1. Nora I like the way that your are looking at this, I think it is a great perspective, in a way you are submitting by accepting that his request is that you manage the finances, it is no different really than his request that you wash the dishes, it is just another household chores that needs to be done!!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Finances present a paradox in D/s. Money is often associated with control, with having and making choices. Very unsubs like. However, I look at in two parts. There is the simple administration (paying bills) and then there are the decisions…how much to save, what to spend it on. Having a sub involved in administration is simply another household task. However, if the Dom chooses to give some up some or most control over the “decisions” of finance, that is up to them and the sub must accept that, even if it feels unsubs like. Like any other aspect of D/s, it’s up to the couple to find what works for them.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for the feedback, ddjennifer!! We do make big financial decisions together…big purchases, etc. I think you make an important distinction between the day to day managing and bigger financial decisions.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I echo jad’s sentiments. A great way to look at it.

    For myself I was never taught good money management skills. I met Saayid at the age of 19 as I was venturing out on my own and within months I gave him control of my finances. I don’t recommend that for anyone else! But we were in a serious committee that with each other, talking marriage in our future and he had earned my trust by then. I had more money to my name then I ever had before and I was on my own. If I didn’t allow him to manage things, I would have blown through it all within months.

    And that’s how the next 3 years went while I was away at school. And continued into our marriage. I want no part in it. We’ve tried getting me more involved. It doesn’t work. I give him my salary to manage. Just give me my weekly allowance and I’m happy.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. For us, Mike enjoys taking care of finances. This works extremely well for us: We have a “Bills” account and a “Day-to-day” account. His check goes into the bills account. Mike looks to see how much is needed to cover the bills that are due before his next check. He also puts an amount into our savings, then leaves about $150 cushion in the bills account such that the low balance before his next check will be around $150. He then transfers any amount above that into our day-to-day. That day-to-day account is what we live off of. It’s sort of like my allowance since I do most of the shopping, but he also uses it if needed. And I am on all the accounts so I can always see what’s going on. This is important in case something ever happened to him.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. If you are better at managing finances between the two of you, then continue to do so. Consider it as a service to your husband to keep everything smooth and running. One of the goals as a submissive is to make the Dom’s life easier. So why not use your skill in finance to budget a trip for vacation that you two always wanted. Or budget for something nice for your husband. Also the over arching control always comes from your Dom. So if it’s his wish to have you manage finance then grant his wish as he please. Still keep him in the loop though on how fiance is going so he is not clueless =)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Nora, my marriage is similar to yours, and I have always been the one to do the budgeting. I have an excel spreadsheet I use, but my husband never looked at it, usually he just saw that there was money in the bank account each when he took his paycheck to the bank. Since starting D/s we haven’t had any active conversation about money, but I do have him approve of how I budget the money now. I also try harder not to say anything when he buys (what I consider to be) dumb things….which has been frequently now that he knows what money we have!
    For me, budgeting is soothing. It helps me feel secure. I enjoy it. Money stressed my husband out. I don’t think anything will change on how we do things.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the comment, bluebird! It does make me feel secure managing our money…knowing we are “in the black”, and that everything is paid on time. Similarly to yours, managing money is stressful for my husband.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I enjoyed this blog post immensely. A part of being in any relationship, D/s or otherwise, is the ability to recognize our own strengths and weaknesses. That being said, some people are just not good with personal finance. Doms are no exception to that either. Personally, I’m a numbers guy and one of my degrees is in accounting. However, I let her handle the balancing of the checkbook, paying bills, etc. The only thing I ask for is a rundown of what went where and what the current standing is on all accounts. I could do all of it, but, why should I? The main thing is, no major purchases are made without both discussing it and I have the ultimate, final say.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I love your perspective on this, as nothing is a one size fits all. M did take over the finances when we began this journey, and I’m so grateful! I was terrible at it. The only reason I did it in the first place was fear, much of the reason I didn’t many things I did in our marriage and in life. As time has gone on, we’ve tried me getting an allowance. We’ve revisited it a few times, but the things that works best thus far is the $25 rule. I have to ask to spend beyond that, even in a store, unless I’m buying groceries, or we’ve discussed a budget beforehand. It’s not always the easiest rule for me to follow, or for him to enforce, because so many emotions are involved, but we find it adds a layer that benefits us both. And our bank account. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kay! I really enjoyed thinking this one out as money is one of those subjects most tend to avoid. What you wrote about doing it due to fear…I can identify with that. Giving up that control…it is so scary! Thank you for reading 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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