30 Days of Submission- Days 5 & 6

30 Days of Submission- Days 5 & 6

5. Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

I will keep this one short and sweet…yes, I am in a D/s relationship.  We entered into this dynamic 8 months ago, though we have been together almost 15 years.  This is my first D/s relationship so I do not have anything to compare it to.  All I can say is that it is ENTIRELY satisfying!

6.What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

               When I consider the roots of my submission, I cannot pinpoint anything from my childhood that might be connected.  Growing up, I was taught that I could be anything I wanted if I worked hard enough at it…and that is what I did.  My Mom and my Dad are both extremely strong, intelligent people.  However, my interest in spanking did begin at an early age, when I heard a friend being paddled for our misbehavior at age 7 or 8.  I didn’t see the spanking, but when his mother took him from the room to be spanked, she paddled him right out in the hallway for all to hear.  From then on, like many spankos, I would look up the word “spanking” in the dictionary, I would write stories, and I would attempt to draw cartoons that depicted spanking.  Funny enough, I didn’t discover masturbation until the age of 16 and from then on, spanking always played a central role in my sexual fantasies.

My interest in submission only came about in January of this year.  My husband and I were greatly struggling in our marriage and we had tried many strategies to find happiness with one another again.  To put it lightly, we had been through some very tough times together.  When I discovered the concept of Domestic Discipline (DD), I approached him very seriously about the idea.  A big part of the problem in our marriage was that I no longer showed my husband any respect.  I talked down to him frequently.  He got the worst parts of me, while everyone else…family, friends, co-workers, students, clients…they all got the best parts of me.  After several days of discussing it and researching DD together, we decided to commit to the idea of a power exchange within our marriage.  So, I would say yes, we use the practice of DD as a relationship management technique.  As I said, spanking has always been a central theme in my sexual fantasies.  And still, the idea of my husband having the authority to spank me is a huge turn on.  However; the reality of a discipline spanking is a whole other ball game…I fear my husband’s spankings, which is beneficial for us as it motivates me to change my behavior.  He uses spankings as reminders, motivation, and as punishment.  A hard spanking typically last anywhere from 5-10 minutes of continuous spanking, includes both hand spanking and spanking with various implements, and almost always ends with corner time for reflection.

About two months into our DD journey, I began to learn about Dominant and submissive (D/s) relationships here on WordPress.  My husband and I were still very “vanilla” at that point.  We began to incorporate D/s into the bedroom…which knocked both our socks off!  And, with time, we began to incorporate some D/s rituals into our marriage.  For example, each night before bed, I kneel with my head bowed by my husband’s side of the bed.  When he has finished his nightly routine and joins me, I ask him permission to sleep in our bed beside him.  Another ritual we have incorporated is the use of leather cuffs.  At some point during the evening, my husband sends me to get my cuffs and he affixes one on each wrist.  Occasionally, he links them together to remind me that it is a privilege to be able to move about freely, but often I am just made to wear them throughout the evening and while we sleep.  Every morning I must request permission to remove them, which he gives at his discretion.

At this point in our dynamic, some of the “new” and “shiny” has worn off.  It is challenging for me to be submissive every day, and at times, my husband finds it challenging to be dominating every day.  I imagine that as time passes, our D/s will ebb and flow, as most experiences in life do.  However; after discussing the concept just this morning, we both remain committed to DD and D/s as our interpersonal relationship has never been stronger.  I have awoken the bear inside my husband, and he has been gently molding me into the woman he knows that I can be.  While it is hard for me to maintain my submission at times, I view it as a gift to my husband.  And in turn, he gives me the gift of his Dominance.  We have found balance in this moment in time.

Thank you for stopping by!

Happy writing 🙂

~ nora