Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 22

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!


Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 22

Prompt: Subspace or top/dom space isn’t a guarantee every time you get kinky or in every D/s relationship. The feeling comes from the endorphins, dopamine, and other feel good chemicals our brain produces in a really intense scene. Submissives report feeling floaty while many Dominants say it gives them hyper focus. Science backs this up, too.

So today, this is more about learning what it is but also understanding you won’t always get there. For most of us that “space” is amazing, but it shouldn’t be the goal. Mutual pleasure, a release of emotions and tension, or the fulfillment of your desires are much better things to shoot for.

For whatever reason, this particular discussion prompt has sent me down the winding rabbit hole of self-reflection.  What exactly is subspace?  Have I experienced subspace?  Does Daddy experience Domspace?  Is my reaching subspace something Daddy and I should strive for?  Being unable to answer any of these questions, I began to visit my favorite kink websites to find answers this morning.  To paraphrase and condense the definitions that I came upon, sub space refers to a physiological and emotional state, that occurs as one is consumed by chemical reactions in the brain as a response to pain, domination, and sexual play.

Upon much reflection of our D/s journey together, one experience stands out to me in which I may have experienced subspace.  Prior to our “scene” if you will, Daddy disciplined me quite severely with various implements.  This was a long and painful spanking.  He had my complete and total attention and my submission firmly in place.  Directly after, Daddy laid me down on the bed and he began to slowly penetrate me with a firm, realistically shaped jelly dildo with a repetitious tempo.  At one point, the pleasure was almost too much for me to handle, but Daddy continued his rhythm and began to tease my nipples with his tongue.  I wanted him to stop and I wanted him to continue.  I began to feel dizzy and floaty and I doubt if I had tried to speak that I would have been capable.  What followed was the most incredible, intense, and beautiful of orgasms.  While recovering in Daddy’s arms after, I cried…not from pain, but more from the joy of what I had just mentally, emotionally, and physically experienced.

So, I wonder…is this subspace?  If so, then yes, I definitely want to strive to reach this place again (and again, and again) and if there is a Domspace, I want Daddy to find it and revel in it.  This combination of pleasure and pain was nothing short of delicious.

Happy writing


11 thoughts on “Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 22

Add yours

  1. Thank you for sharing, Nora.

    There are pretty much two working definitions of subspace out there, one of which I find to be a poor terminology choice. In either case you can answer this question with either one as long as the definition is clear. The common belief use of subspace is the “endorphin high.” I’m not really sure why they call it a space, because every other type of mental space (Domspace, little space, etc.) that is commonly referenced in the lifestyle is not like this. I am not a fan of this definition as it tends to assume that the “desirable mental state” is only caused by physical pain and I read this as one of those “all submissives are masochists” types of definitions.

    The other definition is submissive mental space. I know you have experienced this as I have seen you write about your feelings shift during specific acts and rituals. I find that this version of subspace is where you crave dominance. It is linked to arousal and frequently intense feelings (love, desire, etc.). I see subspace as those times when you feel like you absolutely belong to him, want to please him, want his words and hands to guide you, and focus upon your obedience and his feelings, and so on. This mental state is very addictive and it is common to want to stay there forever (or as much as humanly possible).

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. furcissy…thank you! This makes a lot of sense and I have absolutely experienced the latter. It is addicting and I find myself wanting to be doing submissive things with and for Daddy ALL the time…and dang, if life just doesn’t get in the way of all this. Whatever it is called, whatever the definition…I sure love the feeling 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. In my opinion it is the most appealing part of the lifestyle. It fills you with love and purpose. When I am in this state I feel like the best version of myself.

        As it is “submissive mental space” I deem it as what “subspace” should refer to.

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

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