Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 19

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!


Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 19

Prompt: Orgasm control encompasses a lot of different play. Begging for permission, denial, edging, forced orgasms, and even coming on command – there’s a lot there. Some people (like us) say, “We want it all!” And others only like certain parts of orgasm control. If you don’t like the idea of it at all, that’s okay, too. This is a good time to think about what you know about orgasm control and what you think (or know) you want.


As I read this prompt this morning, I realized that I would not be able to write this blog until I did a little bit of research first.  For someone fairly new to the D/s scene, I had no idea what “edging” was, that you could “force” an orgasm, or that individuals could be conditioned to have an orgasm on command (still not quite sure I buy into this one).  To educate myself, I did some on-line reading and I listened to the podcast by Kayla Lords and John Brownstone titled “Orgasm control in D/s relationships” which can be found on the Loving BDSM website.  While I am still no expert, I have a better understanding of what the topic entails.

At this point in our D/s journey, Daddy has only restricted me from orgasm on one occasion.  To preface how he came about this decision, let me explain what has been happening to me.  As blogger JustMe discussed in her post OMFG….(21+NSFW), as I get older, my libido has definitely increased exponentially.  The experts say this is a pretty normal experience for women in their thirties.  However, when Daddy and I began to incorporate domestic discipline into our marriage, and now that we have implemented D/s as well, I can’t stop thinking about sex…and domination, and spanking, and Daddy, and spanking, and sex, and Daddy…it goes on and on, all day long.  As Daddy has not restricted me from masturbation (at this point), it is an activity that I engage in… A LOT, though it never satisfies me like playtime with Daddy does.  However, once Daddy learned just how much time his baby girl was spending pleasuring herself, he became very strict about me completing my daily chores.  And, the first time that I didn’t complete everything on his list for the day, I was punished by orgasm restriction.  That meant no orgasming all day for my disobedience.  This was not easy for me.  Several times that day I wanted to disobey Daddy and pleasure myself.  But, I knew that if I did I would get a discipline spanking and I knew that Daddy would be disappointed in me, and that was enough of a deterrent.  I obeyed, but it was very challenging.  I hated it, which meant it was an effective punishment.  I am now more careful to balance how much time I allow myself “me” time with getting my daily tasks done.

As you have probably gathered, I am hoping not to displease Daddy enough in the future to earn the orgasm restriction punishment.  However, I think that I would like to try edging.  From what I have learned, edging is the practice of being on the brink of orgasm but stopping before the final release.  In her podcast, Kayla Lords talked about a domination exercise in where the dominant tells the submissive to bring herself/himself to the edge of orgasm several times throughout the day, whether it be at home, work, or while out running errands.  I really like the idea of Daddy assigning me to edge myself several times during the day, building up that extreme sexual tension, until he comes home and takes care of me himself.  I imagine that would be one pretty intense and amazing orgasm and I like the fact that Daddy would be in control of my release.

The idea that an orgasm can be forced is intriguing to me.  I know that all individuals are different in this way, but I do not orgasm easily.  It takes just the right touch combined with a lot of mental focus for me to cum.  I occasionally have been able to orgasm twice in a row with Daddy, but typically I need a little bit of time in between before I am ready again.  However, I really like the idea of Daddy coming and finding me, say while I’m cleaning or working on a project at home, grabbing my hair, pulling me down on some piece of furniture and whispering in my ear that I am going to cum for him now.  I’m not sure I could orgasm right away, but the act of his dominance like that would have me well on my way.  In any case, I’m not sure that I could experience a forced orgasm nor am I sure that I could orgasm on command, but…never say never!

Happy writing 🙂


8 thoughts on “Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 19

Add yours

  1. This is really a deep rabbit hole, Nora, especially if you do enough research into both the M/f and F/m sides of this. The differences in sexual responses of the genders is quite striking, as well as the different ways that sexual gratification is used in both types of lifestyles.

    I can say that sexual conditioning is very possible. Environment, time, and repetition can completely change the way that you process your own arousal and orgasms. Creating positive and negative associations often fall at the core of this. It is possible to untrain/retrain this more easily in women than in men. In men it is even possible to physically train how the muscles behave and ruin their ability to orgasm during ejaculation. To the best of my knowledge, achieving this response in women through physical means is impossible, although it can be achieved through psychological means.

    The way that forced orgasms utilized varies quite a bit. The most common I know of is the “too much of a good thing” = bad route. Another method is used for humiliation, often with toys that can work via remote control. I tend to treat orgasms on command as a different matter.

    The ability to force orgasms in women varies from person to person. In most cases, the emotional, psychological, and environmental stimuli are present. With most methods, if an orgasm doesn’t occur, it will lead to over-stimulation of the nerve endings and result in rather intense discomfort. A common method I have known about for this is to use something elastic like pantyhose to tie a vibrator inside of a woman while she is restrained and leave it until the batteries die. I have also known of cases where a rabbit-style vibe was used, secured in a similar manner but with the rabbit portion hooked onto a clit ring. I know there is a leather belt/harness out there that is designed to hold a Hitachi-style wand on the clit. As a side note, sensory deprivation may make this even more intense.

    Sadly, there’s no male equivalent to this. The closest F/m comparison would probably be post-orgasm palming, but this is a very short-duration form of play compared to what can be done in M/f.

    Take care.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful response, furcissy! What you wrote about sexual conditioning makes a lot of sense. I’m not sure Daddy and I will ever delve into this that far…I’m not sure he desires to have this type of control over me and I’m not sure I would desire it, but…who knows. We’ve already come so much further than I ever anticipated.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, Nora. Unless one of you had extensive past experiences sexual conditioning definitely falls into an advanced control dynamic. 2-3 years down the road it might seem like the next natural progression 🙂

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. At the moment I experience only edging! Every time we have sex ( or almost every time) I am edged. In fact when my Queen is sated and wants to stop, she will usually continue to edge me mercilessly. She likes to leave me in a state of complete frustration–and then walk away. I yearn for these edgings. So far I have managed not to cum but it is so difficult. The edging brings me so close and feels so good and yet I want to obey her and not cum! They create a conundrum. But a welcome one!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love hearing about your dynamic, collaredmichael! I am greatly looking forward to the day I see a post from you, describing how your Queen finally allowed you to orgasm…will you even know what to do with yourself? LOL 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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