Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 16

Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 16

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!

~nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 16

Yes, we know your D/s relationship is real life. Of course it is. But the rest of life sometimes interferes with the kinky fuckery you’d rather be having. Illness, death, finances – it all makes an impact on how much (if any) D or s is going on. Think about it for a while. Wrap your mind around the idea.

Prompt: Does it surprise you that you might not maintain the same level of D/s during the stressful times? Do you think you know how you’ll handle your relationship when it does? What ideas can you consider that might help you when this happens?

Life happens…and often, it is painful and challenging and relentless and it comes down upon you like a tidal wave.  One of the most sour lemons that life has handed me—my mom dying unexpectedly in her sleep in her early sixties—was a significant marker in the beginning of my D/s relationship with my husband.  After Mom died, I found a very dark, sad place…and I stayed there for months, without seeing the sun.  My husband did his best to take care of me emotionally and he was there with me, every step of the way…even when I lashed out at him, as if my pain were somehow his fault.  It was during this very dark time, that I found my first domestic discipline website.  Once my husband and I began to implement domestic discipline into our relationship, I began to find my way out of the dark, emotional hole I had been drowning in and make my way back into the sun.  Our D/s and DD mindsets helped me to release my pain, helped me find happiness in my marriage again, and helped me allow myself to start living again.

A month or two into our D/s journey, another lemon was handed to me.  My younger brother who was only in his thirties died, and again, this was unexpected and came with no warning.  I was devastated.  My husband was devastated.  Our families were devastated.  But, my husband and I knew that we had a new tool to help us cope with the pain, the loss, the chaos that takes over your life when you lose a loved one tragically.  That tool was our D/s lifestyle and how it allows both of us to release our pain in ways that doesn’t include hurting one another or ourselves.

What I am trying to express, is that D/s came to me during some of the darkest hours of my life.  I am really not too worried about our D/s lifestyle changing during stressful times….we are already in that place.  What I am curious to see happen, and a little anxious about, is that when this dark cloud has been lifted and Daddy and I have healed enough to fully enjoy our lives again, what will our D/s dynamic be like then?  I sometimes worry that D/s was just a coping strategy for us and that it only works for Daddy right now because he sees that we need it.  I feel I will always need it, during the hard times and the good times.  I realize as I write this piece that this is something that I need to discuss with Daddy for I don’t want to live in fear that we will lose this dynamic as times get better.

I apologize for putting such a dark spin on what is usually a happy topic on my blog, but this is where I share my experiences, without fear of judgement.

Happy writing 🙂

~ nora   

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6 thoughts on “Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 16

  1. You’ve found it in your dark times and you’ve made it work, that is when most feel it fall apart. If it works this well now, I can only assume it well get better and better with happiness! 😀

    We’ve been through many a dark moment as well, most of our dynamic was put together in those times, it has only gotten stronger and more natural. It might not always be on ‘high alert’ but it is certainly always there!

    Peace to you and yours nora!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. ” I sometimes worry that D/s was just a coping strategy for us and that it only works for Daddy right now because he sees that we need it.”

    Don’t borrow trouble in some distant possible future. What you need in this moment is working to lift the darkness of grief. It works, it’s ‘free’—no insurance required—and it has brought the two of you closer together than you ever thought possible. By the time you get to the point of needing to adapt because of the next unforeseen life event, you’ll be so locked into the DD rhythm that it will feel like a speed bump, rather than a mountain. Trust in Daddy and give him the support he needs by making his desire to dominate you, the focus of your concentration.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am so sorry for your losses. The pain and sense of loss can take a long time to get over. If you can do the DD thing when in a bad place, I think it will be easy to continue when things are better. Still a frank discussion might alleviate your concerns. And that’s one of the bonuses with our lifestyle–the ability to communicate more openly. All the best Nora!

    Liked by 1 person

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