Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 15

Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 15

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!

~nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 15

Prompt: Long distance relationships, trips without your partner, simply not living together – it all adds up to one thing: being D/s even when you’re not together. The solution you find for your relationship will be specific to you and to your circumstances, but if you’re already living through a long distance relationship or you think you might one day, it’s good to think about how to make it work when you’re apart.

 

I am grateful that Daddy and I live together and are together most of the time.  However, he does occasionally have to travel for work.  This has happened twice in the last five months and I felt that we handled it pretty well, though I noticed that I was much lonelier than I usually am.  I think this can be explained in part by the recent family losses I have suffered but also because of the closer, more intimate bond that Daddy and I have forged through our new D/s lifestyle.

While he was gone for work, Daddy still expected me to follow his rules.  He assigned me more written lines than usual and I think this was to help me stay in the submissive mindset even when he wasn’t present.  He also made me stand in the corner one evening with a ginger fig inserted in my bottom because, as he said, he could just feel a tantrum coming on.  Thankfully the corner time worked and a tantrum did not prevail, at least that time.  He also gave me a rather hard spanking with the wooden paddle before he left, just to make sure that I remembered to behave while he was away.  He frequently had me send pictures to him to ensure I was obeying…to see me in the corner, to see if I was nude, to see if I had a plug inserted, etc.

I am thankful that Daddy has not had to travel much lately as I miss him in a deeper way now when he is gone for work.  We are getting to know one another on completely new levels—as Dominant and submissive, as Daddy and baby girl—and that has been a very intimate journey.  While he can certainly assign me chores and other exercises to ensure obedience while he is away, I miss being in his arms each night when he is gone.  I miss his breath in my hair when he holds me.  I miss his strong hands…so capable of bringing me pleasure, but capable of bringing great pain as well when I have earned it.  I miss lying next to him in our bed at night and hearing him sleep.

One benefit that D/s has brought to our relationship when Daddy does have to travel is that Daddy no longer tolerates me complaining while he is away.  I am not to rant about how I hate his job (I don’t really hate his job, I just hate when he’s gone) and I am not allowed to throw emotional fits about being alone, having to do all the chores on my own, etc.  I’ll be honest… I had some very bad habits about this before D/s.  Almost every time that Daddy traveled we would get in a fight on the phone about something stupid, when what I was really upset about was being alone and unable to handle my emotions appropriately.  The first time Daddy had to travel after we started D/s, he told me that if I threw any sort of tantrum whatsoever while he was gone, that I would get a spanking when he got back.  I really did try to behave but my bad habits kicked in and I was up to my old tricks in no time.  Well, I threw not just one, but two tantrums the week he was away and guess what?  I got two separate spankings when he got home, and I swear I couldn’t sit comfortably for days.  I have not thrown a tantrum since…and I was good as gold the next time he traveled.

Happy writing 🙂

~ nora

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17 thoughts on “Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 15

    1. No, thesentinel334…I do not…that totally goes against our D/s dynamic and I work very hard to please my Daddy. Unfortunately, sometimes I fail, or I act out without thinking….that’s when Daddy spanks my bottom for me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I greatly appreciate the question, it was a good one! I am fairly new to this myself. But, I have found that rather than misbehaving to get a spanking, it is more honest to ask Daddy for one. He always asks why, so I need to have worked that out beforehand…stress relief, needing to feel his dominance over me, a little horny…whatever the reason, he is usually happy to oblige😊

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Thank you for sharing this, Nora.

    Just to give warning but based upon how I am reading your submission, the more time you spend in the lifestyle, the harder the time away will become. As things progress and you become more attuned to thinking about him, it may intensify the loneliness (eg. you may feel empty when he is not there). This is totally normal and from how you describe it, he does quite well in managing you on that front. Unfortunately this actually gets harder over time rather than easier. Hopefully giving some warning of this may help as it can feel quite upsetting if it blindsides you and lead to some unproductive submissive guilt spirals.

    Spiral = pressing because you need it but then feeling bad for being needy and requiring more… which leads to more pressing.

    There are some tricks to circumvent this that I can share if you would like.

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate this and as we move forward, I will be sure to keep this in mind so that I, hopefully, am able to be more aware of my emotions and resist the spiral. I would (and I’m sure others reading) would love to hear more about how to circumvent this particular scenario! Thank you, as always, for reading furcissiy 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, Nora. I will try to list a few things that I would encourage.

        -Make sure you have a hobby or two to fall back on. These are best when you can immerse yourself in them but also be able to easily push them to the background as needed. It is even better if it is something that he encourages and would be interested in hearing about. Your fiction writing would likely work here but it is good to have a non-kinky activity as well for when the “ache” sets in.

        -Each day think of something new you can try that would make him happy. Upon his return you can surprise him with them and see what his reaction is. This might seem benign but have you ever thought about being there waiting with a towel (and/or bath robe) that are toasty warm fresh from the dryer when he gets out of the shower? That bit of extra effort to show how much you care can go a long way.

        -Self-monitoring “thought crimes.” If you have your ideal mindset that you feel you should have as a submissive, think about what that is in relation to him. I’m guessing you want to make his life better and happier and giving him additional stress while he is away violates that idea. Each time you feel your thoughts straying into that negative territory record it in a journal or notebook. Each night you could share this with him or share the total with him when he gets home. He mind find it punishment worthy. He might wish for you to improve on this and each time compare how many thought crimes you committed compared to the last time he was gone. Chances are you may feel a bit embarrassed/ashamed of admitting this and striving to have it happen less and less might help. It is okay to miss him, it is okay to miss his dominance, and it is okay to share this with him. It is not beneficial to fall apart over something that is temporary and you have no control over.

        -Think about parts of yourself that you might want to change or improve that would make you more pleasing to him. Work on those parts until he has returned. He will likely be proud of you that you are making an effort without the need for his guidance.

        I had a bigger list in mind when I mentioned it but this is all I could remember at this time. I hope it helps a bit.

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you, furcissy! These are great ideas. I really like the idea about self-monitoring thought-crimes and keeping track of them. I will check with Daddy and see if this is something that he would be interested in me doing. I do try to do something special for my Daddy every day, beyond the foot massage that he gets every evening. This morning, while he was sleeping in, I pulled all of the blackout shades closed and I turned on the air conditioning, as I know Daddy sleeps much better when it’s cold. He woke up very happy with me and feeling well-rested 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You are welcome, Nora.

        As for the special things, my list was in reference to when he is gone… coming up with some brand new things that you haven’t done before and can surprise him with. If you have a garden, maybe planting some of his favorite veggie and using it in a meal. If he likes sleeping when it is cool/cold, you could always surprise him with a latex foam rubber pillow (not the memory foam ones) as these are the pillows that stay the coolest to the touch. Just some ideas 🙂

        Always striving for something new, better, unexpected, etc. is what I view as the sub’s role in keeping the dynamics going. It shows a Dom that you are putting in the effort/work too. I also find it quite enjoyable to brainstorm ideas on how to make someone happy/pleased.

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. That makes a lot of sense, thank you, furcissy! I think that spending my time while he is away focused on things that I can do to improve his life or make his life easier would greatly please him! How did you get so dang smart? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Mostly I have spent years agonizing over who I am and who I wanted to be. Crafting and idealized sense of submission and then trying to actualize it is not always an easy task and it is easy to get trapped in the spiral.

        It is strange how the two halves of submission are both so important. Doing things for him and because of him as well as having things done to you by him create such a different mindset but are both part of the same goal.

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

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