Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 14

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!

~nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 14

Prompt: A Dominant may set the rules, but a submissive has to agree to them. Submissives may have an idea in their head what they need, but their Dominant might see another way of accomplishing the same goal. Rules are a part of the vast majority of D/s relationships from small to big.

Some rules determine behavior in public, others are about private behavior. Some rules may be more common but there’s no right or wrong here. Do you know what kind of rules you may want or need in your relationship?

My Daddy has certain expectations for me, which I think of as guidelines rather than specific rules.  His guidelines for my behavior are that I am always to be respectful, I am always to be obedient, and I am always to strive my best to please him.  These guidelines are far reaching and must be adhered to in both public and private, basically in all situations and at all times.  However, he has implemented a few specific rules.  One specific rules that Daddy has created is that I am to always answer his requests with “Yes, Sir” or “Yes, Daddy”.  Another is that I must always say “please” when making any type of request (which is harder than it sounds!).    Another specific, standing rule that Daddy has created for me is that I must have the kitchen clean before he gets home from work in the evening (I used to be a horrible procrastinator about doing dishes).

However, there is a part of me that would like to see Daddy implement more rules for me.  I thrive on rules, structure, organization…that’s just my personality.  I have no doubt that even if Daddy had a long list of rules for me, I would relish obeying each and every one of them.  But, this dynamic isn’t just about me.  Daddy has a different personality than me, which has served us well in our marriage (the idea of opposites attract and complement one another).  He balks at rules, he isn’t always the most organized, and he likes to be spontaneous rather than structured.  I think that for him, the idea of creating rules is not very much fun.  He greatly enjoys telling me what to do in the moment, and seeing me quickly obey him, but I’m not sure that he would enjoy sitting down and creating a list of rules for me.  However; now that I have spent much time considering this topic, I feel that I should approach him, respectfully, and discuss my feelings about possibly adding more structure and rules within our new D/s dynamic.

On a variety of blogs, I have read about kneeling.  One particular kneeling scenario that is very attractive to me, is the idea of kneeling before Daddy at bedtime and waiting for his permission, or being made to ask his permission, to sleep in our marriage bed beside him.  What I like about this scenario is that this reinforces the idea that sleeping beside him is a privilege that shouldn’t be taken for granted.  While Daddy typically comes to bed after me (he is a night owl), he always takes me to bed and tucks me in either when I am ready or when he sends me to bed.  One aspect about this scenario that is a little scary to me is that it puts us in a situation where Daddy may not give his permission for me to sleep with him.  It would definitely be a punishment for Daddy to deny me the privilege of sleeping next to him and for him to send me to sleep in our guest room.  I imagine though that he would only do this if I had been behaving very poorly and it would serve me as a good reminder to behave myself in the future.  Just thinking about Daddy sending me away from our bed makes me want to cry.

Another rule that I have learned about in some D/s dynamics, is the offering of oral sex after a discipline spanking.  I read about a scenario where after the submissive has been disciplined for disobedience, she must then thank her Daddy for her discipline (which I always do) and then offer to show her appreciation for that discipline by offering oral sex to her Daddy.  Daddy may or may not choose to take her up on that offer, but the point is to reaffirm the position of authority of the dominant by getting on one’s knees and giving him pleasure after he has given you pain.  This is also very intriguing to me.

I look forward to discussing rules with Daddy tonight.  However, I also do not want to create any giant expectations.  Expectations always get me into trouble as I tend to pout when I don’t get my way (my baby girl side).  I am learning—slowly and sometimes, painfully— that Daddy is in charge of our marriage and I trust him to know if we need to incorporate more rules or not.