Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 12

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!

~nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 12

Prompt: Everyone is at a different point in life. Some people are married and happily kinky. Others are happily kinky but still single. And some find themselves thinking about kink while worrying about how to tell their vanilla partner. At some point, we can all find ourselves in a similar situation.  If you’ve already gone through this, use this as a way to think about how you told your partner and what worked (or didn’t) for you. If you’re still trying to work up the courage, use today’s email as a starting point. You don’t have to have the conversation today but maybe you can write some conversation starters or points you want to make when you do.

I felt a bit of nostalgia reading this discussion prompt this morning as I remembered back to when Daddy and I first met, long ago.  One of the first times we were intimate, I shyly told him that I liked being spanked and he very obligingly turned me over his knee to spank my thong-clad backside.  We were worried his roommate might hear…but not worried enough to stop.  Back then, Daddy spanked me fairly lightly and it was much more sexual than what we do today.  We’ve talked about this in the past and while he was surprised by my request for a spanking, he enjoyed the act of having me over his knee and the access it gave him to my lower anatomy.  As we grew closer and the years passed by we would frequent sex shops while on vacation.  We acquired my first vibrator, a small leather paddle that said “slut” on it, flavored massage oils, anal beads, and a tickling feather.  We sure thought we were kinky back then…even had a special drawer just for our toys.

I laugh now as my eyes have been opened to the world of BDSM, D/s, DD, etc.  I really didn’t know much about these dynamics until the 50 Shades trilogy was released (not that this was much of an education, but it was an introduction).  I remember that my husband was out of town on a camping trip and I picked up the first book at Target on a whim.  I could not put it down!  I actually drove back to Target that night and bought the other two books, and I was holed up in our apartment all weekend with my first introduction to BDSM.  When my husband returned, I told him about the books and how hot I thought they were.  We may have been a little more kinky after that, but not much changed with regard to our relationship or current sex life.

Five months ago, however; I discovered my first website about domestic discipline.  I’ll be honest…I was looking at spanking porn on-line and accidentally came across it.  It was like a switch was turned on inside me.  I knew that this is what I had always been seeking and I had a feeling that this lifestyle would greatly help my husband and I in our current struggles.  When he came home from work that night, I talked to him about it.  I explained to him how it was different than just spanking for fun, that this was real discipline.  I showed him the website.  We had long conversations about it and what a huge commitment it was, on both our parts.  After lots and lots of talking about it over the span of a few days we decided to commit to incorporating domestic discipline into our marriage and shifting the head of household responsibilities from myself to my husband.  We were both pretty nervous but excited about our new journey too.

When I look back on those conversations and think about what worked and what didn’t, I feel that it all went pretty smoothly.  I approached it openly and honestly with my husband and he listened with respect and interest.  I in no way tried to force anything upon him and he received the information with an open mind.  For the first few weeks it was pretty much all we talked about as we learned our new roles together.  We would give each other a lot of feedback and we both worked hard to incorporate that feedback into our new dynamic.  At this point (today), we both have a pretty clear idea of how this works for us and all the benefits this new lifestyle has afforded us…greater intimacy, more self-fulfillment in our new roles as husband and wife, better team working skills, and oh…did I mention the sex?  Oh…the sex….

While I have thought of it before, this particular prompt has really made me think about what it would be like to know that you need/want BDSM or D/s or DD in your life and not have a current partner.  I imagine what it would be like if I were suddenly alone in this world, without my Daddy.  I know that these needs would not just go away.  This is not a pleasant thought, but when you have lost your mother and younger brother within the same year, you think about these things.  What I would like to express to anyone reading is if you are still searching for your partner, and you enjoy the kinky life we all love writing about, stay true to that journey… your dominant or submissive IS out there, searching for you too.

Happy writing 🙂