Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 8

Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM.  As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships.  I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me.  I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on.  As always, thank you for reading!

~nora

Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 08

How do you handle negative emotions like anger, jealousy, and fear now? How do you expect that to be different in D/s?

Prior to the beginning of our D/s lifestyle, I did not handle my emotions well.  I did not know this then and in fact, I probably would have told you that I was quite proficient in handling emotions. Looking back, I understand that I only handled positive emotions well…emotions such as anger, jealousy, and fear were handled very poorly and at a great cost to my husband.  If I was angry, I took it out on him.  If I was jealous, I took it out on him.  If I was afraid of something, I took it out on him.  Over the course of 14 years, he became my emotional punching bag.  This is something we have discussed a lot over the last few months as be both see a huge change in ourselves and our marriage.  We both know that our marriage was the way it was (not great) because we both allowed it to get that way.  And, we both see what a powerful tool D/s is with regard to handling negative emotions.

Now that I am submissive to my husband, there are new expectations as to how I am to behave and treat him, at all times, with no exceptions.  For example, we recently went through a very challenging time emotionally- my younger brother passed away, tragically.  This was a devastating blow to our family.  In the past, I would have been an emotional wreck and I would have taken all of those painful emotions out on my husband, even though he was experiencing his own grief alongside me.  However, while I was still an emotional wreck in trying to deal with this, now that we practice D/s I still treated my husband with respect and I was grateful to have him there to go through this terrible tragedy with, which was far better for both of us than how I used to behave.

Now that my husband is dominant over me, there are new expectations as to how he handles emotions as well.  He is much more in control of himself than he ever has been.  He is much more open about how he is feeling because he knows that I will no longer verbally attack and try to control how he is feeling.  If he is frustrated with work, we talk about it openly.  If he dislikes something that I do or is displeased with how I behave, he handles it to his own satisfaction.

But, to be honest…anger, jealousy, and fear have not had much of a place in our new D/s dynamic.  Yes, over the past five months I have experienced anger, but I handle it much more maturely now.  Yes, I have experienced jealousy over a woman that my husband worked with…but I now communicate my feelings to him much more respectfully and he has, in turn, done everything he can to help me deal with those feelings more positively.  Yes, I have experienced some fear…fear that Daddy may not want to live this lifestyle anymore because it is a lot of work.  But, I communicate those feelings to Daddy when I have them and again, he helps me to work through them.  The reduction of those types of negative emotions in both of our lives has been incredible.             

2 thoughts on “Reflecting on 30 Days of D/s- Day 8

Add yours

  1. This is a very interesting read, Nora. You describe it wonderfully and it is intriguing to see the process of change.

    I am actually wired in the opposite way in that I handle pain, anger, sadness and the like rather well but I struggle with feeling happy/joy/etc. I have a way of turning negative feelings inward and blame/punish myself for my role and fault.

    I do love the way that D/s frequently has a way of tempering emotions. I know that in my own case it provides several outlets to free me from my mental trappings and brings things to a better state. I always enjoy reading how it helps others in this regards.

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your response, furcissy! I too enjoy hearing about how others process emotions. You wrote that “it provides several outlets to free me from my mental trappings and brings things to a better state”…I could not have said this better myself! I feel much more free as a submissive than I have ever felt during adulthood.

      Liked by 1 person

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