Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM. As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships. I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me. I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on. As always, thank you for reading!
Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 07
What is your communication style? What happens when you try to communicate your thoughts or needs?
When you have been with someone for a long time, like I have been with Daddy, you most likely have learned the nuances of their particular communication style, verbally and non-verbally. My Daddy can walk into a room and easily read my mood by what my nonverbal behaviors are saying to him…my posture, my facial expressions, the look in my eyes, etc. I am one of those individuals who “wears her heart on her sleeve” which to me, means that I don’t attempt to hide my feelings. I don’t put on a poker face. If I am feeling it, it is plain as day written all over my face. Similarly, I can often identify who Daddy is talking to on the phone just by the tone of his voice and how he is speaking to that person. Time has taught each of us a lot about the other’s communication style.
I also do not struggle with communicating my thoughts and feelings, verbally. I am a very open person and can share even the most painful of thoughts with perfect strangers, and be receptive to theirs. I believe that open communication is critical to mental health and if I am feeling it, chances are I’m discussing it with someone…Daddy, my best friend, or even talking it out with myself in my journal. WordPress has been a wonderful outlet to share and explore new feelings invoked by our D/s lifestyle.
Daddy is very different though. For much of our relationship, his communication style was very reserved. He told me that it was hard for him to communicate his feelings prior to D/s because he often felt judged by me. Just last night, this subject came up and he was expressing to me how our new lifestyle has really changed this for him. He feels more comfortable sharing his deepest thoughts and feelings and he no longer lives with the constant burden of fear or judgement. This has been a huge transformation in Daddy’s life, one I am incredibly grateful for and blessed to be a part of.
In reflecting on my communication patterns prior to D/s there have been areas of growth and maturity (thankfully!). I recognize that there are some situations with people close to me, my closest friends and family, where I used to adopt the need to “one-up” others…feeling that I always had to have the answer, that I always had to be right, that it was okay to interrupt others to share my own stories, etc. This was a very negative communication pattern (one that reflects an over-inflated ego) that Daddy is helping me to change. While I strive to be submissive to Daddy in every way, I’ve also found that now I tend to listen more and speak less with every one and I feel that my relationships are benefiting greatly from this.
Now, a fresh element in Daddy and I’s communication style comes in the form of dominating, physical acts. This often means Daddy’s firm hand communicating to my naked bottom that I have displeased him in some way. Acts of physical contact such as spanking, hair pulling, a light pat to my bottom in public, are new (and very effective) ways that Daddy communicates his thoughts and feelings to me. I strongly feel that our experiences with D/s have enhanced our communication patterns both as individuals and within our marriage.