Hello fellow bloggers! I have decided to partake in the 30 Days of D/s, which I will utilize as a writing exercise, presented by John Brownstone and Kayla Lords at Loving BDSM. As suggested by the title, this free activity explores topics surrounding D/s relationships. I know that there are many of us in this particular circle of writers who are engaged in this writing activity at the moment, so bear with me. I think that this will be a useful endeavor in further exploring this new lifestyle that Daddy and I have set out on. As always, thank you for reading!
Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 06
How do you handle conflict now? How do you imagine handling it in D/s? What do you think you’ll need to do differently in a D/s relationship?
The greatest benefit my husband and I have enjoyed from engaging in the D/s lifestyle is the reduction of conflict in our marriage and new tools to handle conflict when it (inevitably) occurs. Prior to D/s, we typically did not handle conflict well. My approach to conflict was to just “solve” everything myself. If I couldn’t solve it, then I would blame my husband for whatever it was, because surely it was his fault (please sense my sarcasm here). My husband’s approach to conflict, and to my style in approaching conflict, was to avoid it. He used humor a lot to try to lighten the situation, which drove me nuts and produced even more conflict between us. There were periods in our marriage where we fought, and engaged in conflict, a lot and we were both very dissatisfied with the results.
Living the dominant/submissive lifestyle and incorporating domestic discipline into our marriage has given us new tools to deal with conflict. My approach to conflict now is to do my best to look to my husband and trust him to handle whatever the situation is that is producing the conflict. But, I am not a perfect submissive and sometimes I struggle with this (okay, not just sometimes…this is a great challenge for me). His approach to conflict now is to first, make sure I am submitting to him properly, and second, talk things out rationally with me. When we get to that point, where we talk things out rationally, it always turns out good. But, when things get heated between us, this is the time where I am most likely to forget my new role in our marriage and speak disrespectfully to him. Prior to D/s, I was in the terrible habit of talking down to my husband. Now, if I talk down to him or if my tone is disrespectful in the slightest, I can expect to be disciplined. And, I am grateful for that…it is helping me to become a better person and a better wife to my husband. I cringe when I think back to how I used to speak to him and treat him. That alone was a huge source of conflict between us…one that our commitment to D/s is eliminating.
I do not think that D/s is a cure-all for all conflict. However, it has taught us new tools in approaching conflict. Prior to D/s, any type of conflict typically led to a verbal fight, and sometimes my husband would sleep in our guest room. I hated those nights. Now, there is still conflict—conflict is inevitable—but instead of playing the blame game or talking down to one another, we handle it like rational adults. I am happy to report that in five months we’ve had one fight. That fight was one of those stupid fights, over something inconsequential. I was so wound up and was refusing to submit to my husband in the moment. Believe me, my bottom paid the price the next day. But, if my husband needs to soundly spank me in order for me to behave like a rational adult, then so be it. It works for us and we are so much happier.