Continuing my education in submission

Continuing my education in submission

Submission does not come naturally to me, as it may to some (or perhaps it isn’t easy for anyone).  However; I desire to learn submission to my husband above all else.  What I am learning is that submission is incredibly difficult, learning to yield to another is not easy, and accepting another’s will as truth is a great challenge for me.  And honestly, I have not achieved these feats.  There are many moments where I am submissive to my husband, but I cannot claim that I am a submissive wife at all times, and I truly want to be.

I displeased my Daddy very much last night.  I was argumentative, disrespectful, overly emotional, blaming, and very much like my old self (my old self prior to incorporating domestic discipline into our marriage).  Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what to do with me.  It also didn’t help that both of us had been drinking.  We had our first fight in five months.  He went to bed angry and was still frustrated with me this morning.  I went to bed feeling sad, angry, lonely, and very much missing that special connection we have forged recently. And I woke up wanting to change.

I have no doubt that Daddy will deal with my dismal behavior.  He has already had me complete 150 lines, stating that “Submission is a way of life”, and has told me that I will be getting a punishment spanking this evening.  I have no doubt his discipline will leave me crying, contrite, and wishing I had been more in control last night.

But, I feel that I must not rely solely on Daddy to correct my behavior and put me in the right mindset.  I realized that I need to learn more about submission to master it, because it does not come naturally to me.  As fate would have it, I was reading the blog of Selina Little Plus More this morning (a big thank you to Selina!), and she mentioned a pod cast hosted by Kayla Lords and John Brownstone.  This pod cast can be found on Loving BDSM.  To listen to the free pod casts all one has to do is register, though there are also paid memberships available which include more content.  I chose to just do the free registration at this point.

To continue my education about submission, I listened to two pod casts this morning and took notes so that I could show Daddy I was serious about my learning endeavor.  I listened to “Resetting a submissive’s noisy mind” and “Disagreements and arguments in a D/s relationship”.  Let me tell you…I learned a lot!  Something that I learned from these pod casts as well, is that I am normal!  The authors state how normal it is to struggle with submission and that it is a learning process.

I also learned that not all D/s relationships are 24/7 and that for some, this is a lifestyle that only occurs in the bedroom or sexual setting.  My marriage is different from that.  My husband and I decided together that this was not a “sex” thing, but a way of life for us.  He is demanding (which is fair because I agreed to this) that I am submissive to him 24/7 and in all areas of our life.  I must learn to do this as I want to please him and better our marriage.

I welcome any advice that you might have for a struggling submissive.  If you are familiar with other literature, websites, or just have some personal experience you would like to share, I would be forever grateful.  I want to learn submission, true submission, and give that to my Daddy as a gift as it is a gift that he truly deserves.

~ nora

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18 thoughts on “Continuing my education in submission

  1. When I was new at this and trying to get my footing I spent lots of time trying to figure out ‘what would a submissive do’? I suppose if I was active in the ‘community’ or play parties I might have to learn the ropes but as far as my marriage goes I found that ‘do unto others’ and ‘what would a good person do’ was easier to understand and follow.

    I wrote out my thoughts under ‘submission 101’ to help put things into perspective and now it’s simply me, not submissive or vanilla, just my best … it took me to things like mindset but also self esteem and strength. I have found that being confident and content makes battles for anything unnecessary which also means there is no reason to pick a fight. 😀

    Perhaps not what you were thinking, but that’s what I thought of when reading your post! I too didn’t want to make my Sir the only one responsible for my behaviour …

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I really appreciate this response, Sir’s nijntje! We don’t go to play parties nor are we active in the community (other than my participation with this particular group of individuals on WordPress) which I guess makes it a little difficult to learn the ins and outs. I really like what you have to say about this not being submissive or vanilla, just your best self. Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are normal to struggle with submission because trusting your Dom is obviously not—as of yet—a natural state of being. This is the second time I believe that you’ve mentioned your drinking followed by an argument. That’s the first thing I would eliminate, either by your own free will, or by fiat. If your ‘real’ personality emerges under the influence of alcohol, then being sober and submissive will always be a struggle. While you may be at fault here for your actions, he should step up and take the initiative to forbid you from drinking. Either he’s the Dom 24/7 or he isn’t.

    Secondly, as the Dom, correcting behavior via punishment should be more immediate—that’s my personal opinion only, although many feel the same. Going to bed angry and waking up the same way entrenches the very rote reactions you’re trying to overcome. If you can acknowledge that you were in the wrong, then you have to take steps to control your worst impulses by handing over responsibility to your Dom. Anything that causes you to fall out of your submission, should be ceded to your husband in terms of permission.

    If he has control and the responsibility for your actions, then your only task is what he had you write: ‘Submission is a way of life’. You are struggling with submission because trust is still fragile, not only in him, but mostly in you. If you trusted your Dom unconditionally to keep you safe, to provide discipline and guidance, to accept your submission and to help you grow into your strengths while nurturing your weaknesses, then you wouldn’t feel the need to revert to spite and disgust.

    If he feels your submission is worthy, then accept his dominance with grace and love.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You have to get up everyday and say to yourself, sometimes verbally, that you will obey, and not be a brat. If you get that way after drinking, then maybe you shouldn’t drink. I don’t know. But he is right to be punishing you. And you must be willing to accept it with thanks and love. He loves you and to disrespect him like that is like saying, his rules over you doesn’t matter. All these things you have to keep in mind and let it transform you into the wife you want to be and the wife he deserves. Maybe you need daily maintenance spankings for the time being until your attitude changes and your behavior follows.

    Just my thoughts.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are so right about the drinking. I’ve been drinking way to much since I began experiencing the loss of my mom and brother…but it really doesn’t help. My Daddy is going to help me stop or at least, cut back. I will suggest daily maintenance spankings.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We use daily maintenance (or most days) to help me relax and not ‘need’ that end of day glass of wine. I/We did find however that it needs to be at the right level in order to relax me, not so much hurt or change behaviour.

        I’m not sure if I’m getting this across right but it is about 5 minutes, begins to release endorphins but not to tears or subspace, just a mellow state afterwards. I have found when the intensity is right I no longer feel the need to relax with a glass of wine, or if I do decide to have one I don’t over indulge.

        It took a few tries to figure out the right intensity with lots of input from me and Sir now knows which physical cues to watch for but it seems to work well for me. 😀 It’s not trouble and it’s not to make a point, it’s just a way to relax ….

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I used alcohol to cover up pain. And you are right, it doesn’t help. The pain will still be there in the end. Now I am a recovering alcoholic.

        Your daddy will need to do it daily. If need be, morning and night at first to get you to understand and change your behavior.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Love John & Kayla too. They are a great down to Earth resource.

    Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
    Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

    The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man
    Laura Doyle

    Though not about D/s I found both of these books to be helpful. Both have a Christian background but I not being religious thought they were still very good. They are about how men and women differ in how they relate to one another. I found them very relevant.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Strive for progress not perfection! This is something I try to do in several aspects of my life. It’s a good motto. Still it appears that your drinking is hindering your success–so your daddy should limit what you drink. All the best Nora!

    Liked by 1 person

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