Submission does not come naturally to me, as it may to some (or perhaps it isn’t easy for anyone). However; I desire to learn submission to my husband above all else. What I am learning is that submission is incredibly difficult, learning to yield to another is not easy, and accepting another’s will as truth is a great challenge for me. And honestly, I have not achieved these feats. There are many moments where I am submissive to my husband, but I cannot claim that I am a submissive wife at all times, and I truly want to be.
I displeased my Daddy very much last night. I was argumentative, disrespectful, overly emotional, blaming, and very much like my old self (my old self prior to incorporating domestic discipline into our marriage). Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what to do with me. It also didn’t help that both of us had been drinking. We had our first fight in five months. He went to bed angry and was still frustrated with me this morning. I went to bed feeling sad, angry, lonely, and very much missing that special connection we have forged recently. And I woke up wanting to change.
I have no doubt that Daddy will deal with my dismal behavior. He has already had me complete 150 lines, stating that “Submission is a way of life”, and has told me that I will be getting a punishment spanking this evening. I have no doubt his discipline will leave me crying, contrite, and wishing I had been more in control last night.
But, I feel that I must not rely solely on Daddy to correct my behavior and put me in the right mindset. I realized that I need to learn more about submission to master it, because it does not come naturally to me. As fate would have it, I was reading the blog of Selina Little Plus More this morning (a big thank you to Selina!), and she mentioned a pod cast hosted by Kayla Lords and John Brownstone. This pod cast can be found on Loving BDSM. To listen to the free pod casts all one has to do is register, though there are also paid memberships available which include more content. I chose to just do the free registration at this point.
To continue my education about submission, I listened to two pod casts this morning and took notes so that I could show Daddy I was serious about my learning endeavor. I listened to “Resetting a submissive’s noisy mind” and “Disagreements and arguments in a D/s relationship”. Let me tell you…I learned a lot! Something that I learned from these pod casts as well, is that I am normal! The authors state how normal it is to struggle with submission and that it is a learning process.
I also learned that not all D/s relationships are 24/7 and that for some, this is a lifestyle that only occurs in the bedroom or sexual setting. My marriage is different from that. My husband and I decided together that this was not a “sex” thing, but a way of life for us. He is demanding (which is fair because I agreed to this) that I am submissive to him 24/7 and in all areas of our life. I must learn to do this as I want to please him and better our marriage.
I welcome any advice that you might have for a struggling submissive. If you are familiar with other literature, websites, or just have some personal experience you would like to share, I would be forever grateful. I want to learn submission, true submission, and give that to my Daddy as a gift as it is a gift that he truly deserves.