As I have shared previously, I am in a difficult place right now as I deal with feelings of grief and loss. My emotions are up and down, and sometimes my mouth gets the best of me…spewing out angry, misguided words, in some fool hearted attempt to find a bit of control in this ever changing world. But, I have to say…my Daddy does not let me get away with this, not when those words hurt others around me, including him. Let’s face it, when we are hurting, we tend to take it out on those that are closest to us…for me, that is Daddy. The man who is my rock, my soul mate, the man who takes care of me in every way…it makes me very ashamed of myself that this is the person that I take my anger out on.
Two nights ago, I picked a very dumb fight with my Daddy. I was feeling emotional, I’d had a long day, and instead of being respectful to Daddy when I disagreed with him, I picked a fight. Daddy didn’t tolerate this and I found out quickly what he thought of my behavior…I spent the rest of the evening with a plug in my bottom and a bit in my mouth, sitting nude in my chair, reminding me of who was in charge. Oh how I hate the bit! It means no conversations with Daddy and no more sips of my adult beverage (which is probably what was getting me in trouble in the first place). You’d think I would have learned. But no…last night, the same fight was referenced and instead of apologizing, I picked right up where I left off! I was a little surprised that Daddy didn’t just send me to bed for bad behavior, but I guess despite my naughty mouth, he was enjoying my company. Instead, he got the spreader bar, and I spent the evening with my legs spread wide open, fully nude and on display for him. This is a difficult (yet effective) punishment for me as I feel so humiliated with my legs spread wide like this, right out in our living room. Also, he told me that before we went anywhere today that he was going to paddle me and that I would still be getting my maintenance spanking separate from the paddling. I dread getting a spanking with my Daddy’s paddle…it is a 12 inch wooden paddle, ½ thick, with holes in it. From the first crack of that paddle on my bottom, I am wailing and wishing my punishment would end…but Daddy always makes a paddling a memorable event. No doubt my bottom will be the recipient of Daddy’s paddle for several minutes of continuous spanking, plus the 15 licks I always have to count out at the end. Sometimes, I only have to count the number and say “One, Sir”, or sometimes he requests that I say something like, “One, Sir. When I disrespect my Daddy I will be spanked”. As I sit here writing, I can’t help but watch the clock, knowing Daddy will soon wake up and it will be time for my spanking.
But, despite my nervous anticipation of the punishment spanking that I earned, I can’t help but admire my Daddy. We are going through a difficult time right now, but he remains consistent, insisting that I treat him respectfully at all times. I admire the way he has stepped into his role as my Daddy and disciplinarian…he is truly the head of our household now. His very presence in the room now demands respect and his dominance over me makes my heart flutter. Though we’ve been together for 14 years and I used to always know what he would do next or how he would react in a situation, it is like learning each other all over again…he continually surprises me in the ways that he dominants me. I never know what to expect, except that I am learning to expect consistency.
I admire you, Daddy. Thank you for being you. Thank you for taking care of me, and of us and our marriage. I will try harder to control my mouth and while I am nervous about my upcoming paddling, thank you for loving me enough to give it to me.