As I have shared previously, I am in a difficult place right now as I deal with feelings of grief and loss. My emotions are up and down, and sometimes my mouth gets the best of me…spewing out angry, misguided words, in some fool hearted attempt to find a bit of control in this ever changing world. But, I have to say…my Daddy does not let me get away with this, not when those words hurt others around me, including him. Let’s face it, when we are hurting, we tend to take it out on those that are closest to us…for me, that is Daddy. The man who is my rock, my soul mate, the man who takes care of me in every way…it makes me very ashamed of myself that this is the person that I take my anger out on.
Two nights ago, I picked a very dumb fight with my Daddy. I was feeling emotional, I’d had a long day, and instead of being respectful to Daddy when I disagreed with him, I picked a fight. Daddy didn’t tolerate this and I found out quickly what he thought of my behavior…I spent the rest of the evening with a plug in my bottom and a bit in my mouth, sitting nude in my chair, reminding me of who was in charge. Oh how I hate the bit! It means no conversations with Daddy and no more sips of my adult beverage (which is probably what was getting me in trouble in the first place). You’d think I would have learned. But no…last night, the same fight was referenced and instead of apologizing, I picked right up where I left off! I was a little surprised that Daddy didn’t just send me to bed for bad behavior, but I guess despite my naughty mouth, he was enjoying my company. Instead, he got the spreader bar, and I spent the evening with my legs spread wide open, fully nude and on display for him. This is a difficult (yet effective) punishment for me as I feel so humiliated with my legs spread wide like this, right out in our living room. Also, he told me that before we went anywhere today that he was going to paddle me and that I would still be getting my maintenance spanking separate from the paddling. I dread getting a spanking with my Daddy’s paddle…it is a 12 inch wooden paddle, ½ thick, with holes in it. From the first crack of that paddle on my bottom, I am wailing and wishing my punishment would end…but Daddy always makes a paddling a memorable event. No doubt my bottom will be the recipient of Daddy’s paddle for several minutes of continuous spanking, plus the 15 licks I always have to count out at the end. Sometimes, I only have to count the number and say “One, Sir”, or sometimes he requests that I say something like, “One, Sir. When I disrespect my Daddy I will be spanked”. As I sit here writing, I can’t help but watch the clock, knowing Daddy will soon wake up and it will be time for my spanking.
But, despite my nervous anticipation of the punishment spanking that I earned, I can’t help but admire my Daddy. We are going through a difficult time right now, but he remains consistent, insisting that I treat him respectfully at all times. I admire the way he has stepped into his role as my Daddy and disciplinarian…he is truly the head of our household now. His very presence in the room now demands respect and his dominance over me makes my heart flutter. Though we’ve been together for 14 years and I used to always know what he would do next or how he would react in a situation, it is like learning each other all over again…he continually surprises me in the ways that he dominants me. I never know what to expect, except that I am learning to expect consistency.
I admire you, Daddy. Thank you for being you. Thank you for taking care of me, and of us and our marriage. I will try harder to control my mouth and while I am nervous about my upcoming paddling, thank you for loving me enough to give it to me.
Love, nora
Finding Strength in my Submission 
I really am not so sure that you you’re thinking straight. You’re going through the death of your brother, who you seemed to have been very close with. Then you are trying to figure out all the stuff that goes along with picking up the pieces and moving on without him being around. I understand that, because that is what I had to do when my dad passed away. He was always around, but then he wasn’t. We had to pick up the pieces and move on. For a long time it was hard. So I understand your loss. And though I don’t agree with how you chose to handle it by picking a fight with your daddy, TWICE, I understand the emotions going on inside of you that caused you, for some reason, to let your mouth rule at that time. I trust that God will help you through all this and sort all these emotions out. And I’m glad that you have a Daddy who is going to take you over his knee when you are disobedient. Though he understands your grief and where your emotions are, he will not let you get away with it because can’t. He has to be consistent and he has to be Daddy.
God bless you and may you let God help you through this time.
Mark
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I appreciate this kind comment, Mark…and I am sorry about the loss of your father. I lost my mom about six months ago, so losing my younger brother right after is a crushing blow. I am thankful that my marriage is so strong right now and that my husband is there to help me keep it together. Being able to express my emotions on WordPress is helpful as well. Thank you for the comment!
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Sooner or later you will be able to lean on Daddy for support and understanding instead of lashing out and being punished.
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Thank you, lurvspanking! I know you are right…I just hope that day gets here quickly 🙂
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I wonder if it’s the fear of rejection that drives your struggles to submit.
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I guess I’m not really sure what you mean…fear of rejection from my husband?
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Well if you’re not sure, then I’m certainly not. I guess my observation was that you don’t like being punished when you lash out, yet you continue to do so knowing the consequences. Therefore I was wondering what the underlying cause was considering you chose DD in the first place. If fear of severe punishment is not enough of a deterrent, then my thought was that some other fear is even stronger and bubbling up now that there is an avenue for communication through your bottom.
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I think it is more that I am still learning to break the habit of speaking disrespectfully to my husband. For the first 14 years of our marriage, I was in charge of everything and over the years, I began speaking very poorly to him…which made us both unhappy. That’s when we decided to incorporate DD into our marriage, to teach me to speak more respectfully to him and to learn to submit to his authority. It is not easy to change…I have a very strong personality and am used to being in charge. But, the threat of a spanking definitely helps…when we first got started, my husband had to spank me for disrespect several times per week if not every evening. Now, I only slip up about once per week or so. A new saying around our house is, “Spankings do work!”. 🙂
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