The Pre-Spanking Lecture

Still being fairly new to domestic discipline, my husband and I discuss often with one another about how we each are doing in our new roles.  There have been ups and downs for both of us.  For me, realizing that this is real and that I must truly change has been very difficult.  It may sound silly, but I had to realize that it is not a game and that my husband truly wants my submission in order to better our marriage.  And I am learning submission every day under his stern guidance, and can I just say, man has he learned how to give a spanking! I am much more aware of what comes out of my mouth and I am learning not to nag and criticize him at every turn as I did the first decade of our marriage, which isn’t easy. Spankings are something I truly wish to avoid now, whereas in the beginning, it seemed naughty and fun to be bared by him for discipline.  Don’t get me wrong, his spankings hurt in the beginning…but now, if he decides that I am to be spanked, it is a lengthy session where he doesn’t stop until he has broken my will, I am sobbing in repentance, and he knows that I won’t sit comfortably for days.  And, for my husband, he has experienced ups and downs to.  He revels in his new found dominant masculinity, but he has also discussed with me how much work it is to be dominant and to correct my behavior and help me become the woman we both want me to be.  He says this in a loving way and I can’t help but feel special and loved that he is investing his time in me and in our marriage.  Perhaps it is strange, but I feel cherished that he gives his time that way.

In one of our conversations we had discussed the way he lectures me prior to a spanking.  His lectures were typically very brief and to the point and he let his hand (or paddle) do most of the talking.  We decided together that it may be more beneficial for him to lecture me in more depth…and the effects were profound!  I received my first true lecture a few nights ago and by the end of it, I was sobbing in contrition before my spanking even started.  I am still in awe of how my husband broke me down using just his words and how effective it was in the lesson I was learning.  He demonstrated his new lecturing skills again last night, when I talked down to him while we were doing a home project together.  He took me by the arm, led me straight to the corner, and bared my bottom.  I then had to stand in the corner, bare from my waist to ankles, while he lectured me on my poor attitude.  I began to cry a little during the lecture but when he left me there, and finished working on our project without me, I cried even harder that I had let him down in that way.  I didn’t get a spanking, but the lecture and corner time were truly effective in helping me see the error of my ways.

As I write this, I thought it might be beneficial- and a great learning experience- for us all to discuss what we would like to work on, whether you wield the paddle or are the one who is bent over and bared to receive it.  My husband chose to work on his lecturing skills…and we are greatly benefiting from that decision.  I have been working on (everything it seems!) admitting to my disobedience or disrespect prior to my husband having to point it out, and requesting correction.  This has also been a wonderful step for us, as my husband always tells me how proud he is when I realize myself that I am in the wrong and bring him the paddle, despite my fear of the spanking to come.

So…if you would like to partake, what would you like to work on in your domestic discipline, HoH, D/s relationship?

Thank you for stopping by!

~ Nora

25 thoughts on “The Pre-Spanking Lecture

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  1. This is a great idea. I would like to work on my lecturing as well. Though I am in a LDR, I am still able to lecture her on things she admits to me she had done wrong. Even in a LDR, it can be affective and help her do better, and it has. She is very honest about disobedience and bad attitude. Though sometimes I have to be stern and let her know I will punish her.

    I remember when she told me that she would probably start crying before the spanking , and on the lecturing itself. She would realize that she messed up. So I am glad that it breaks you down to tears, as it would my lady.

    I do have a question for you. Or a few questions.

    1. How long were you in the corner?
    2. Did you apologize to him when he let you out?
    3. What did he say to you about the next time you became disrespectful like that?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the response, Mark! How long have you been in a LDR for? Do you two get to see each other frequently. I know when my daddy travels he is able to use punishments other than spankings if I disobey while he is away, such as mouth soaping, corner time, writing lines, and figging (and extra chores and restrictions too). He typically has me take a picture/video for verification as well. To answer your questions: 1) I don’t know for sure, but it felt about 10 minutes (shorter than how long I stand there after a spanking). 2) Yes, I absolutely apologized to him and the benefit of corner time put me in the right frame of mind to do so in a heartfelt way. 3) After, as he holds me, he always tells me that he doesn’t like having to discipline me, that he loves me, but that if I repeat the behavior I will get a spanking (and if the punishment was already a spanking, I can expect a stricter spanking the next time).

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      1. I do not get to see her as much as I would like. Right now I am working on moving down to where she is. And when she disobeys me from long distance she gets early bedtime, because it is usually got going to be on time that gets her in trouble, or hitting snooze when she wakes up in the morning for work, or changing the time on the alarm so she can sleep in. Big no no with me.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I haven’t been disciplined with an early bedtime yet, though my husband did threaten one evening. Thankfully the threat worked and I was able to behave myself after.

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  2. So—the question of the hour—if lectures and the ensuing spankings are so painful, why do you put yourself in situations that require attitude adjustment? And… if there comes a day when you behave in the respectful and thoughtful manner you wish to model, then where do the spankings fit into that situation? I wonder if you are testing him to see how far you can push his dominance? Topping from the bottom as it were, to see if he will live up to his end of the marriage by taking care of you and the chores as needed. Do you feel deep down that neither of you is actually sincere and this D/D ‘experiment’ will blow up soon, so by constantly challenging the dynamic, you are forcing him to punish you and thus validating your choice to submit to his paddle et all. Do you feel insecure, that if you treat him with utmost courtesy and submission, then he will get bored, and return to snappy destructive marriage you blogged about in your first post?

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    1. You raise a lot of interesting, thoughtful questions! There was a time that I felt insecure about our new lifestyle (and may have done some testing), but I feel that I am learning to not only accept it but truly appreciate the benefits. When I self-reflect on what you have asked me, I don’t feel like I am testing him (though subconsciously it is truly hard to ever know). I think that the disrespect towards him that I show sometimes is more of a result of 14 years of speaking to him this way. We are both completely re-learning how we communicate with one another. And, I think the spankings are helping. It may seem on this blog that I am always writing about how I disrespected him, but he and I have both seen a 100% improvement in how I speak and behave toward him. I am glad that he is so strict and I look forward to the day that he will be able to relax a little bit because I am no longer so disrespectful and/or disobedient. I know it takes a lot of time and energy to do what he does.

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  3. If I had to work on anything, it would be my language. Most of my discipline spankings are for foul language. Spankings for this offense are harsh, so one would think they would be effective. In my case, when I get angry at a situation, not a person, I just run off a string of cussing. This always results in a very well spanked bottom.

    Thanks for the opportunity to sound off on this subject.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That sounds like a great goal! Foul language isn’t something I really struggle with, but I have no doubt that I would get a mouth-soaping and a spanking if I were to really get out of line with cussing. Does your partner use the soap?

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  4. My former Dominant used mouth soaping and a harsh spanking as discipline for foul language. Her method of mouth soaping was the safest yet most effective method I know about. Very cautious about swallowing a chunk of soap, her method was to bind my hands behind my back, and kneel by the kitchen sink. She would thoroughly lather a face cloth, grasp the hair on the back of my head, (yes, I had hair back then) and scrub the entire inside of my mouth with the lathered cloth, wet and lather the face cloth and scrub again, sometimes multiple times. Then stood up and leaning over the same sink, mouth still full of lather, I would be soundly strapped, caned or paddled (her choice) before I could rinse my mouth.

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    1. Wow! That is strict! I’ve only had the soap once, and while it was awful, it doesn’t sound anywhere near as severe as yours (hoping my husband doesn’t get any ideas when he sees this). I had my tongue and teeth “washed” with the bar of soap and then had to stand in the corner with the soap in my mouth for ten minutes. That was awful enough! And not something I ever want to experience again, though I’m sure my behavior will warrant it at some point…

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      1. I do hope you behavior improves to the point where a mouth soaping is not necessary. I must caution about actually placing a bar in the mouth. Swallowing could cause sickness so be careful not to bite the bar while holding it. I had no corner time, but got a harsh spanking instead.

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  5. Early bedtimes are for not getting enough sleep the night before, or she is being a brat, which thank God doesn’t happen as much as I have heard some women are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that I may have been one of those bratty women prior to beginning this lifestyle with my husband… I was so needy, needing his attention. Well, I’ve got it now! I’m pretty sure all the bratty-ness has been spanked out of me 🙂

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    2. Nora I am really loving your blog and the Crystal story as well( BTW that’s my daughter’s name lol) but as I told you in a previous comment I’m in a new relationship and new to D/s and although he has had previous subs and has been in the lifestyle for years he has never actually lived with a sub or practiced domestic discipline but we have discussed in length our future together,including incorporating domestic discipline,mainly because of yours and Marie’s blogs, although this is probably something I’ve wanted all my life( even though I never had a name for it or knew the name for it) I always just called it the 50s lifestyle, where women took care of their homes and Families and definitely their husband while the man provided, protected,and yes disciplined his wife and children!
      As far as spankings concerned, I’ve only experienced punishments spankings a few times so far, and although it leaves me feeling Safe,Secure and Loved afterwards and also having an even GREATER Respect and Adoration for this man who would give this gift to me( I call it a gift because he cares enough to teach me to be a better person and better partner for him, so to me that’s a very Special gift!) But beforehand I tend to get very scared,not of him, but of the spanking itself, I will actually start to hyperventilate and I start begging him not to, even though in my heart and mind I know that’s not going to stop him, nor do I really want it to,cuz for one thing that’s not going to teach me anything!, if he was to actually stop! And if anything I think it might even make me lose a little respect because I would realize I could manipulate him and I don’t want to be able to manipulate him at all! (hopefully this all makes sense to you?!) So anyway I’d just like to ask out of curious if you or any of your readers ever experience that kind of fear ahead of time, or is it just me??

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi bobbijeanj! Thank you for continuing to read my blog. After reading your thoughtful comment, I spent some time considering your question. I have personally never experienced the kind of fear or anxiety that you are describing surrounding an impending spanking, but I do get VERY nervous about my spankings. As a therapist and fellow human, I would advise you to research some techniques for calming your mind. As you describe it, you know you are in a safe situation….but you probably fear the loss of control, the pain of the spanking, etc. There is also a chance that over time, this fear that you feel may begin to dissipate naturally to some degree…as you grow in your acceptance and trust in this particular situation. I hope this is helpful!

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    1. Thank you, ksypaint! I am pretty new to this too. My husband and I only incorporated domestic discipline into our marriage a couple of months ago. Are you in this type of relationship too?

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      1. I’m in the researching stage for us. We’ve been married almost 18 years and we still fight about the same things, his family, my lack – sometimes unknowingly – of respect and my moods. I’m bipolar and it seems to be getting inevitably worse. Just looking for something to help us.

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        1. I wish you all the luck. Incorporating domestic discipline into our marriage was the best thing we have ever done. We used to have the same fights over and over, and now, we don’t fight at all. Learning to be submissive isn’t easy though…it has been a very difficult journey to learn to hold my tongue and not fight and not criticize. And, having complete trust in your partner is a must. Please let me know if there is anything I can answer or share with you…like I said, we are newbies, but this is working out very well for us.

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  6. Nora I am really loving your blog and the Crystal story as well( BTW that’s my daughter’s name lol) but as I told you in a previous comment I’m in a new relationship and new to D/s and although he has had previous subs and has been in the lifestyle for years he has never actually lived with a sub or practiced domestic discipline but we have discussed in length our future together,including incorporating domestic discipline,mainly because of yours and Marie’s blogs, although this is probably something I’ve wanted all my life( even though I never had a name for it or knew the name for it) I always just called it the 50s lifestyle, where women took care of their homes and Families and definitely their husband while the man provided, protected,and yes disciplined his wife and children!
    As far as spankings concerned, I’ve only experienced punishments spankings a few times so far, and although it leaves me feeling Safe,Secure and Loved afterwards and also having an even GREATER Respect and Adoration for this man who would give this gift to me( I call it a gift because he cares enough to teach me to be a better person and better partner for him, so to me that’s a very Special gift!) But beforehand I tend to get very scared,not of him, but of the spanking itself, I will actually start to hyperventilate and I start begging him not to, even though in my heart and mind I know that’s not going to stop him, nor do I really want it to,cuz for one thing that’s not going to teach me anything!, if he was to actually stop! And if anything I think it might even make me lose a little respect because I would realize I could manipulate him and I don’t want to be able to manipulate him at all! (hopefully this all makes sense to you?!) So anyway I’d just like to ask out of curious if you or any of your readers ever experience that kind of fear ahead of time, or is it just me??

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  7. BTW I love the lecturing part to he does tend to lecture me a little bit but I could probably use a little more to go with the spanking! But I’ll be sure to talk to him about this as well and I know he’ll be reading this to!
    The thing I LOVE the most about this lifestyle and him, is the fact that we can talk about anything and everything!!
    I’m sure that’s true in your relationship as well, and I can’t wait to read what’s happening with you today,cuz I know this was a few years ago but I’m enjoying reading from the beginning so bare with me you’ll probably be getting more comments along the way Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Keep those comments coming, bobbijeanj! I love interacting with the people kind enough to follow this crazy journey of mine. And yes…what you commented on above…one of the things I LOVE about D/s is the openness it promotes between two people…it makes me feel VERY close to my husband! I am glad that you and your (boyfriend? husband? Dominant?) are experiencing this as well 🙂

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  8. Wow Nora I was SO happy to hear back from you on both of my comments but never expected it to be that quick! Lol
    And now I’m answering your question about what he is to me,.he is my Boyfriend/Dom and this is still a pretty new relationship(less then a year) but we’ve gotten VERY close and VERY serious in a short amount of time, although we’re not rushing into living together because we have our own family obligations and kids at home, stuff like that,but we know that will come in time and are very excited about our future’s together!

    and thank you for your advice on finding ways to calm myself ahead of time,before a punishment spanking( BTW it’s not so much any type of spanking, it’s specifically punishment spankings), maybe because they hurt more and I know I did something wrong,I’m just not sure) and what you said makes a lot of sense, that maybe it’s my fear of the lack of control during a spanking.. I’ve been it in an extremely physical and mental abuse relationship before that had nothing to do with D/s so my boyfriend feels that unconsciously it might have something to do with that, but I told him it’s a different situation and I don’t fear him at all like I used to fear my ex, but maybe he’s right maybe it’s a deep down oppressed emotion that comes to the surface right before a spanking.. anyway I hope to get over that one day, because I don’t want to change anything in our relationship,except maybe for it get even more intense in time, even the punishments! Lol

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