Still Learning…

Still Learning…

My husband and I are very new to this lifestyle, which we refer to as domestic discipline.  With that in mind, we have been making major discoveries within our marriage and within each other regarding our strengths, weaknesses, behaviors, etc.  As I previously wrote in another blog, I was the leader in our marriage for the first 13 years of being together.  I have a very strong personality (as I am learning many of you do) and I fought my husband for control daily (I didn’t conceptualize it this way back then, but ultimately this is what was happening between us).  I would do whatever necessary to maintain control…argue constantly, always try to prove him wrong, put him down, build myself up…(why he stayed married to me is beyond me sometimes).  Fast forward to today and (obviously) he does not tolerate that type of behavior from me anymore in any way, shape, or form.  Now, any type of back talk from me earns me a good, hard spanking and I am grateful to him for doing it.  While I am committed to learning to be a better, more submissive wife for him, sometimes, my own feminine disrespect slips past me (and sometimes, past him).  Last night, however; he pointed out to me something that I had been doing, unconsciously, over the last week.  While Daddy has not disciplined me for this disrespect as of yet, I have no doubt that I will be properly dealt with.

The unconscious behavior that he pointed out is that I have been very subtly blaming him for my misbehaviors this week.  You see, we were about three weeks into this journey when Daddy had to be gone for a week for work.  When he returned we had to go out of town to visit family and when we got home he came down with a terrible flu.  During these two weeks, I basically fell into self-pity and feeling sorry for myself as I missed the closeness we had been experiencing lately.  I acted out terribly and threw not just one, but two tantrums while my husband was away on business.  Over this last week, I have been making very subtle comments about how I am off track because of those two weeks…which, as he pointed out last night, is my way of putting him down and trying to be controlling.  And, after I thought about it, I realized that he is exactly right.  I feel very ashamed of myself now.  Here I thought I was really learning what it meant to be submissive, only to realize I was trying to be controlling in a different, more subtle way.  He pointed out that I keep commenting on how I had no guidance for those two weeks and how that was actually a lie…and he is right.  The week he was gone at work, and super busy and stressed, he still texted me constantly throughout the day to assign me chores, check on me, and express his love and guidance.  When I threw a tantrum about being left alone for a week and having to be responsible for everything at home, he promised me the spanking I had earned for throwing a tantrum (this was an agreed upon rule prior to him leaving town for work…no getting mad at him- temper tantrum- for him having to go out of town because of his job).  I then proceeded to throw another tantrum that night on the phone and he promised a second spanking.  When he returned from work, we only had two hours until we had to get in the car and leave town to visit my family, and yet he still followed through and spanked me twice very firmly, but lovingly, as he promised he would.  Does this sound like someone who left his wife without any guidance?  No, it does not.  It becomes more clear to me that I was acting extremely selfishly.  He also did not leave me without guidance that weekend.  We were staying with my family and he respectfully did not spank me there where someone might hear.  However, he did take me for a drive out into nature, where he did apply a spanking with the hair brush to my very bare bottom right there on the side of the road.  He told me it was a reminder spanking to behave while we were with my family.  Again…does this sound like a husband who left his wife without any guidance?  No, it surely does not.  When we returned from our family visit, my husband came down with a terrible flu which prevented us from being close physically.  While I did nurse him back to health, I was resentful.  I had missed my husband for a week while he was gone and now he was sick…like that was really his fault.  And, he has spanked me for that now that he is well.  But, that still didn’t prevent me from subtly suggesting that somehow, from all his “lack of attention” over the past two weeks that that is why I am off track behavior wise.

I feel shamed as I write this post.  My husband has gone out of his way to provide guidance to his ungrateful wife, even when it was challenging because of work duties, family obligations, and health reasons. He is certainly holding up his end of the bargain, while I act like a sulky, pouty, child who didn’t get her way.  So…here I am, sitting on a ginger fig as I write this blog post outlining my misbehavior (if you have never been figged, think of it as a spanking to the inside of your bottom…it HURTS!).  All I can hope is that my Daddy will read this post and know that I am truly ashamed of myself and that I will continue to try hard.  I will be forever grateful for his unwavering love and guidance.

With a submissive heart,

Nora

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22 thoughts on “Still Learning…

  1. Btw, you can use tags on your posts; like ‘spanking’, ‘domestic discipline’, ‘D/s’, ‘submissive’, etc. Don’t use more than 15 combined of tags and categories though, WordPress might consider it spam.

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  2. I am glad that you have and are learning. It will take time, but as I tell a friend who is in CDD, the longer you respect and submit, the easier it may become. You are trying, and that is what matters. Effort and progress, not perfection.

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    1. Thank you for the kind comment, Mark. I am not usually such a slow learner:-) All kidding aside though, this is hard, much harder than I thought it would be. There are some days that I don’t want to obey…that I don’t want to be submissive to my husband. But those are the days we need it the most. I will continue to put forth my best effort. My husband deserves it, and so do I.

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      1. Nora,

        Reading your post on Still Learning reminded me of a friend of mine who started CDD last fall. They have gone through ups and downs. Some of your starting out with your Daddy made me think of her. It sounded a lot like what here and her hubby is going through.She wanted to be in control, and they have gone through some of the power struggle too. She fights, though she tried hard, not to take the control She wants to be a good, and Godly, Christian wife who is respectful, submissive, obedient and serving. But I keep trying to encourage her about showing him respect even when she feels he hasn’t earned it. It is biblical that she is respectful and obedient even if he is being a jerk. Her conduct will be used to help him and their marriage and family. But as I was reading your post, I was like, Wow that sounds like my friend. But it was very informative. I enjoyed it.

        That brings up a question. How does your husband punish you, other than spanking?

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      2. I really like what you have to say about respecting my husband and being submissive, even when I am feeling like he hasn’t “earned” it. Your words ring so true to me. Just by being my husband, and being the head of our household, he has earned it. I will continue to think on this and discuss this with my husband. This will be a good thing for me to work on. Thank you for the thoughtful comment!

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  3. Hi Mark! My husband uses a variety of instruments when spanking, but I earn other punishments as well. So far, those have included corner time, mouth washed with soap, figging and other plugs, writing lines, extra chores, and grounding. He hasn’t actually grounded me yet, but I have experienced each of the other punishments.

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    1. I have heard and have read about husband giving their wives a diaper punishment. If you haven’t heard about it. It is where the wife acts in such a childish way that he places her in a diaper for her to wear through out the day or and the night as a learning tool so she acts more like an adult. At least that is how some do it. What do you think about punishments like this?

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      1. To be honest, my husband and I have never discussed this type of punishment, but it doesn’t really sound like something that either of us would be interested in. I guess I will find out when he sees this question.

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    1. No, we don’t have a cue. But, he has given me permission to ask for a spanking if I think I need one. Ultimately though, he decides if I get one. He is pretty in tune with what is going on with me so this doesn’t happen much. Last night, however; I did lay face down on the bed and pull my panties down for a spanking. He was in the shower as we had just come in from doing a couple of hours of yard work. While doing yard work together, he’d reprimanded me twice for how I was talking to him. Anyhow, I was hoping to please him by showing him that I recognized that I needed a spanking and for disrespecting him with my tone. He was pleased with me, but I still got a pretty stern spanking with the riding crop. I’m hoping to make it through one day without needing that kind of correction!

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  4. Hi Nora, New member here and i live in a 24/7, female-led D/s, DD relationship. Your recent behavior certainly warrants discipline. I understand the learning portion of any relationship. I was discipline spanked very often in the early years of our relationship. In my opinion, the biggest issue you have to control are your tantrums. I vent at times as well, but always vent to myself or when I am along, like driving. Even though I am a male submissive, we are both on the same end of the paddle.

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    1. Hi there! Thank you for the comment! There is definitely a steep learning curve. It feels like I basically have to re-learn how I communicate and behave with my husband. Thank you for the tip about venting to myself when driving, that is a really good idea. I am so used to just running my mouth all the time that it gets me in a lot of trouble. He is really wanting me to work on my expectations as well, as he calls it. I have a pretty bad attitude when things don’t go as I expect them too and he is really trying to nip that in the bud.

      What was the biggest challenge you faced when getting started in this lifestyle?

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  5. I would say, my conversion from a high stress, leadership role in my career to a spanked submissive male. I also would say my mouth got me in more trouble than anything else. Even after I learned my role, my foul language got me spanked often. Now, on the other hand, I am very content in my role and I truly believe in the superiority of the female and I would not want to live in any other manner.

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    1. Thank you for sharing! Letting my emotions control my behavior seems to be what is getting me consistently in trouble…

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  6. Yes, this is a major step in getting the DD to work. I was spanked very often at the beginning before I learned to control the emotional part of my makeup. Now it is like second nature to me. Time is the thing and constant work on the part of the submissive to control their emotions. Being disciplined, hard and often will help, but the real task is within you.

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  7. I am also so.ewgat new to this lifestyle. I am loving it. The hardest part is giving up control since I am somewhat of a perfectionist. Being strong willed has its advantages. We can turn that strong will around and create a new self worthy of our Dom.

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